A
female
age
30-35,
*ervy
writes:Hi Guys,I recently started going out (i think...!) with one of my very good friends, and I guess that means things are changing (obviously and hopefully). I (surprisingly, as I'm a girl) have lots of trouble talking, like properly TALKING about feelings, and other bits generally. Basically, there are things I want to tell this guy, things he probably needs to know (I have had some bad experiences in the past which sometimes make me behave in ways which are difficult to understand). Does anybody have any tips on how I can get better at talking? I literally cannot get the words out of my mouth, I just want to hide, or change the topic to something silly. I also have heaps of trouble looking him in the eyes, I feel like it's really dominant (which probably makes me sound more like a dog, I know!). I really want to be able to communicate well, which requires both of these obstacles to be overcome! Thanks for your advice in advance!mervy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mervy +, writes (12 November 2009):
mervy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys,What excellent advice from everybody!I'm putting into action immediately, seriously you guys are the all the best.mervyxx
A
female
reader, Louise-uk  +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Hello Mervy,
Lots of people, both female and male, can have trouble speaking about feelings and making eye contact. Personally I used to have trouble looking people in the eyes! I gradually made myself do it, and I got better at it. I made myself speak to strangers more, and tried to be more sociable. Little things like saying good morning to a stranger, or making eye contact with someone who opens the door for you will help! You'll find yourself getting better as time goes on, and it'll feel less uncomfortable. Some people do this easily, but not everyone, and you'll get better don't worry!!
As for being unable to speak to your new boyfriend about some things in your past, this is what I would do. I would tell him when you're next hanging out that you need to speak to him about a couple of things, but that you find it difficult to speak about. He might suggest a way to help you speak about it, and if not, it's always best to be open with your partner. You could suggest emailing him. Some might think that this is impersonal but I would argue that it's not. I email my boyfriend all the time as he lives abroad, and it can still be personal!!
You seem to feel like he needs to know these things as it could explain your behaviour, so it's important that you tell him as soon as possible. If you decide that emailing isn't a good idea, make sure that you're in a comfortable surrounding when you try to tell him. It might make it slightly more easier if you're at your house rather than his.
Good luck, and I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (11 November 2009):
 Take it one day at a time. Don't feel you have to tell him everything all at once or explain yourself to him. Tell him what you feel comfortable sharing and the more you tell him, the more you'll feel comfortable sharing. If he's a good guy he'll be patient with you.
Also it might be helpful for you to seek some councelling. This may help you talk about these bad expereinces in a safe environment so you'll find it easier to talk about them with your boyfriend. Maybe try Relate relationship councelling? It's not just for couple, but for people having trouble communicating in relationships.
Hope this helps :)
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): I think you are erratic because your scared of rejection. You must work to overcome this right away. Remember this: you are important, you do matter, your felings count ok.
Well firstly what is it that you want from this relationship?
If you want exclusive and also to build something then it would be best to just sit down with him and force it out. Sooner the better
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