A
female
age
30-35,
*mber999
writes:I have read the other questions related to this on the website but I am still slightly confused.Does a woman have to learn how to orgasm? I am 17 and have never experienced an orgasm, and I'm worried there is something wrong. Other girls I speak to say they orgasm most of the time, whether via intercourse or "touching", with their partners and my current boyfriend says all the previous girls he has been with he has made come. We do regularly practise oral sex and he really tries to make me orgasm.Also, can all women orgasm? Are there some women that just can't? When my boyfriend stimulates my clit by touching sometimes I feel very aroused like I am beginning to reach climax but then it gets a bit painful, or my boyfriend gives up because it takes so long. Nothing seems to just push me over the edge When I try touching myself it feels nice but I don't think anything feels good enough to ever make me orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? It may be that I am focusing too much on reaching orgasm and coming but its something I want to experience and think it would improve my sex life.How can I learn how to orgasm? What can I do?I'm a very worried teenager and scared this is a feeling I will never experience!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (19 April 2008):
 Don't worry love, you will, it just takes time and you need to take the pressure off yourself. I would personally advise not even trying to get an orgasm with your man until you've found how to do it for yourself. Then there's no pressure on either of you, and once you have found how to do it for yourself, you can show him exactly what to do, but don't expect a miracle when you do show him because its a different experience on your own and you really do have to let go of your inhibitions to experience that with a man, so give yourself time. Also if you're experiencing it alone, it won't be such a big deal if it doesn't happen with him cus you know you can have that experience and the pressure is off. Finally, if he isn't able to hit the spot for you, and some men just don't seem to have the sensitivity to be able to be gentle enough, you can also make a game of doing it for yourself when he's there, which is a real turn on for a guy - but maybe you don't feel ready for that yet. Just a thought. Good luck.
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (19 April 2008):
 an orgasm is a reaction to stimulation. its not something you can control. think of it like this - right now, do the following things.
Touch your nose with your finger.
Stretch your right arm out
stick your tongue out.
Sweat.
Have an orgasm.
The last two dont work on command do they? You will only sweat as a reaction to your body temperature raising but you cant control it. You will only have an orgasm as a reaction to sexual stimulation, its not something you can control either. If you think too much you'll never get there, you need to be completely relaxed and just enjoy what it is. Some people say that being drunk/high helps massively but as you are underage for the first and the second is illegal i'm not gonna recommend either of them.
After an orgasm you will feel very sensitive and it will hurt if your clit is touched, so if you're going straight from being aroused right into sensitive land without the good stop in the middle, you could try getting your boyfriend to go down for a bit the stopping and doing something else, then going back down again. it sounds like you're being over-stimulated.
Its also a billion times easier to have an orgasm with your boyfriend if you know how to have an orgasm on your own. Buy a vibrator from Ann Summers, take a nice hot bath to relax you and then just experiment and see what you like and what you dont. It will happen eventually but the only way is just to enjoy the stimulation without concentrating on the orgasm.
Brooke
x
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 One thing I have learned from very good women is that yes, women need to learn how to have an orgasm. This isn't exactly what a man expects, because, fo rus, it is a given. We believe that if you follow the steps, 1,2, 3, the woman will have it. Sort of a mechanical thing. Learning that your woman needs a bit of learning herself helps the man. I wonder if your boyfriend is aware of this.
There was an excellent post on this very recently. Here's the link:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-was-not-quite-supportive-when-i-told.html
And don't worry, you're normal.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (19 April 2008):
I think I'm going to have to break it to you that your friends are lying or exaggerating.
Very few women orgasm during actual sex.
I had the same problem with my first boyfriend. The thing is that every time we started doing something I would get really stressed because I really wanted to come and I was worried he was getting stressed about it too.
The thing is that thinking all that stops it happening.
The best way to come is to give up trying. It feels nice so just enjoy it without trying to come. Tell your bf, you have a great time with him but you are going to give up aiming for the orgasm and just enjoy being with him.
The thing is, once you stop thinking about it, it will probably happen.
The best one I ever had wasn't in a romantic hotel with rose petals on valentines, but was in my husband's bedroom at his parents house one time. I was a bit drunk and just enjoying sex and totally relaxed and BANG! It was just because I wasn't expecting it but was feeling really in love and happy and turned on.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, salvation +, writes (19 April 2008):
well you dont learn how to orgasm its something that happens when you'RE stimulated enough however some girls don't stimulate themselves correctly to reach maximum pleasure i recommend doing some research into it also a vibrator might help. Good luck.
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