A
female
age
,
*rtis
writes:Just before my boyriend left to return to his home country, i found he was talking sexually to women on internet. He begged me to give him another chance, and i dont want to lose him over that...however, im insecure and jealous now and cant trust him. i get so annoyed with him, i actually can be abusive. the contact has lessened. im just about to break it as i cant keep going thinking he is with other women, truth is i dont know. but something isnt right...help
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female
reader, Deema  +, writes (19 April 2008):
 You know this man darling. Does he really love you? Do you really love him? Is what's going on here just a fantasy to him? Does he think it doesn't count because the person's not here in real life? Is he Turkish by any chance? I totally understand what you are saying and how you are feeling. What he did is NOT right but was he in a position to meet these people, or were they over in his own country. A betrayal is a betrayal whatever, I know, I've been there, it hurts like hell, and makes you feel very insecure. But we've been apart for nearly 3 weeks now. In that time I've come to understand a lot about this situation, mostly with the help of a 73 year old woman would you believe, and the anger and insecurity about it has now gone - along with a lot of my feelings for him I might add. I don't know what will happen to us, long term, but I can't actually be bothered to waste any more energy on wondering what he's doing, so I'm getting on and really making my life the very best I can, and I feel so much better. He on the other hand has lost everything - his home, his car, probably his business, and a great deal of my love for him, all for what he says was a fantasy on the internet. A high price to pay for a few minutes of excitement. And who's come out on top? Little old me. I've got up, got on, and I'm just waiting for things to unfold to see where we go from here. Having said all that, he's not a sleaze bag, is kind, sensitive, gentle, loving and caring, andI never had a clue about this. It knocked me over because I KNOW how much he loves me,I was so confused because the two things didn't come together, and I couldn't understand at all until I did some brain picking from a man on here into how men's minds work and he was also honest with me. I also went away for a few days to try to clear my head as it was going round and round in my mind trying to find an answer. So I don't know about your case love, I can only talk about mine, and I know how confused you must be at the moment. My only real advice would be 'when in doubt - do nowt'. Time will give you the answer you're looking for - he'll either repeat it or change. My husband is going for counselling and is taking medication for the ocd he has, which I believe is also partly linked into this. He is trying to prove to me he can change. Like I said, time will tell. Until then I've given him a list of boundaries as to what is acceptable and whats not, and the pc is locked at least for the time being while things are so sensitive. He is unable to live here for the time being anyway, so its not really an issue. Like I said, I've given up worrying about it. If he's gonna go, he'll go, and so be it, I have no control and I'm not wasting my energy trying to do otherwise. Good luck hun, whatever you do. I certainly wouldn't marry him until I felt a whole lot better than you do.
A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (19 April 2008):
 If hes talking to women in a sexual way over the internet god knows what hes doing when he's not with you, He sounds like a complete cheat and you deserve a lot better hun pluck up the courage and finish him before he hurts you in even a worse way, good luck.
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