A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I think my relationship is over.... I found out that my man is registered with a site called ^^^chat. I confronted him 6 months later, he swore on his mum's life and his children from previous marriage that it was not him.few months later in an argument he said so what if he was on it before we met, but he had signed on one year after we met. I feel that he is insulting my intelligence.I have always been in this kind of relationships. I feel that I am not good enough for them to have to seek other ladies.My problem is that I cant let go of him, I love him, but I know or think/suspect that he is seeing other women.Since seeing that dating site of his which was about 2 years ago I do not want to make love (worried about sti) but I do it to please him. I have recently have had to fantasise about other men to help myself achieve orgasm.I think the relationship is over but I am ashamed that at my age I do not have the strength to let go.Now when he says that he is going to see his adult children I suspect that he may not be. I do not want to see his adult children of 33 and 30 (his daughter lied to him pretending to have cancer during his divorce to his wife. I may be wrong but I am not sure what she may make up about me if she is capable of lying about such big thing, we must never play games let alone pretend to have cancer, the daughter was an adult at the time.I told him to invite his children to his parents' 65 wedding anniversary and to tell them that I wont be there but they did not go, so I find it hard that he claims that his children have sided with his ex wife and do not see his family.However, when he told me that he was seeing his children I turned around and asked if he was seeing a woman but saying children. I know I go about things the wrong way, I know I am always the losers in relationships. I am not tactful and lack diplomacy. I tell him that I feel inferior to his ex wife. I tell him how can i compete with the woman he loved for 35 years and she is everything to him. (she signed adultery divorce papers admitting adultery).I must be mental...how can i help myself. I am so confused, I argue with him, end it but reply to his emails and we get back.Thanks for reading
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2016): You need to build up the respect you have for yourself, your worth and how deserving you are. This man committed adultery in his previous marriage and is clearly doing it again. It has nothing to do with you. You aren't competing against his ex wife, you are only trying hard to cope with your husband's lowly character, which you aren't able to cope with in reality. So self pity has come to your rescue. Because to you, lowering your own worth to 'not good enough' is less distressing than accepting that your husband has low morals, is it not? Accepting that would mean you married the wrong person, it would mean you have to throw away all your loving memories with him, it would mean going through another heartbreak and leading the life of a single woman until you find validation once again from another man. I apologize if my honest opinion hurt you in any manner, you see it's very annoying when somebody wakes you up in the middle of a deep, sound sleep. And if you'd been having a nightmare in your sleep, it's even more irritating that someone oblivious to the details of your nightmare is waking you up just to stop you from screaming. Though I'm going to wake you up and walk away, oblivious to your pain, I know that once you brush your teeth and have your tea, with the morning sun blazing outside, you are going to be fine!!!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 November 2016):
 I have to ask, what is it about him you think you love? Are you a better and stronger person when you are with him? Does he support you and encourage you to grow spiritually? Does he respect you? Can you truthfully answer YES to any of these?
Your description of your relationship reminds me so much of one I was in many years ago. I turned into someone I didn't like or recognize. I caught him out lying again and again but stayed with him. Why? Because I knew there was a line of females waiting for me to disappear off the scene so they could try to "bag" him. He was a charmer. Females adored him. I felt "honoured" that I was his girlfriend - something he reminded me of every time I "stepped out of line". He eventually dumped me for someone else. Some 20 years later he got back in contact, telling me he had never forgotten me. My most satisfying memory of that relationship was very politely telling him that, flattered as I was (ha ha!), I had forgotten him a long time ago and saw him only as part of a time in my life when I was young and impressionable and silly enough to fall for someone like him.
Trust me, breaking up with him may feel like it will be painful, but that pain will fade. Staying with him will just bring you continuous pain.
I hope you have the strength to see you are worth more.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (22 November 2016):
 I agree with WiseOwl on all points. Sweetie, you aren't confused. You're scared. You desperately try to hold onto a relationship that you know is over and you know he needs to be kicked to the curb but the thought of being alone isn't something that you want to deal with so you keep telling yourself that you're "confused". The only thing that you're really confused about is what to do when you no longer have this man in your life!
Why hang on? There are other men out that..men that will treat you right but you are never going to find them if you are with Mr. Wrong. You CAN let go, you just have to WANT to.
I've been in a toxic relationship, I've been where I couldn't trust the man..I know how it feels. Its not happy, its not healthy. It doesn't get better and meanwhile Father Time keeps ticking away...
Accept that the relationship is over, and love yourself enough to let go, and move on. You will thrive..if only you let yourself. You are far stronger than you know..trust me...I've survived things that I never thought I could have..but I did..you will too. Good luck sweetie...I hope you love yourself more than you love being unhappy with someone who isn't right!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2016): Sweetheart, the main reason you're putting yourself through the wringer with this guy is the fear of loneliness. You feel being a single mature woman reduces your options. Therefore; you must suffer from emotional-neglect, lying, and head-games from some conniving liar.
Being without a man forces you to become stronger and independent. You feed him all your energy, and he soaks it up. He tells you what you want to hear, and walks all over you; because you're a soap opera queen who loves drama. Drama queens bathe in their sorrow and tears. They seek one lousy relationship after another. They beg for pity for making bad choices; and not getting themselves out of the bed they've made.
Why are you trying to compete with his ex-wife? That defies logic. Everything you're describing in your post, is what you're doing to yourself over this man.
Girlfriend, you can do bad all by yourself. Why do you need help from a guy you suspect of lying and cheating, to age you prematurely, and drive you to an early grave? You know excessive worry leads to depression, lowers your immune system; and ultimately, may lead to cancer. All over some man you say you love, but he can't keep his facts straight.
Desperation is a very sad state of mind. It doesn't matter how much he lies, when you're lying to yourself. You're reminding me of an awful comment I heard one of my female colleagues make once. "Having a bad man is better than having no man at all!" I told her that is the most pathetic, shady, self-deprecating line I have ever heard. If you're so weak you will sleep with the devil, than suffering is your choice.
Well, you'll give him up eventually. Voluntarily or involuntarily. If he is on a dating site, he's going to find his true match. You're only baby-sitting. Some woman is going to take him anyway, and she'll be doing you a big favor. He'll take his lying old backside elsewhere and become some other female's problem.
Hopefully, before running you into he ground. All haggard and no good to yourself, or any other man. Some men do that on purpose, to protect their egos. Like a dog kicks dirt back on a pile of poop. Trash you until you're a mess and nobody else wants you. So many weak females allow it to happen. It's not even necessary.
You have a choice. I'm not going to tell you what to do.
You already know. No, you're not confused. You're stubborn and desperate. Sweetie, save yourself. It isn't worth it if you have no trust in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2016): Catholic sisters and nuns are blogging! Check out the variety of religious communities and sisterly voices! Please let us know if you have any suggestions or updates. Our criteria for including blogs on this list are as follows: the blog must 1) be written by a Catholic sister or nun or by a woman formally in the process of formation, 2) not be anonymous -- we need to know which community to which the blogger belongs, 3) be currently active -- posts within the last month.
Blog on, Sisters!
Benedictine Sisters of Yankton - Sacred Heart Monastery in Yankton, South Dakota
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (22 November 2016):
 I think you should know what you want from a relationship at your point in life and I'm pretty sure it's not someone you suspect of cheating on you and that you can't bare to have sex with.
Why would you want to please him if you're not happy? Would you really be with someone for the sake of it than be on your own? Imo you're not compatible at all, if you were you wouldn't feel like he's too good for you. Partners are supposed to compliment each other not make you feel bad about yourself.
You're not happy, therefore leave this man, block him so he cannot contact you and move forward and find someone who doesn't make you feel the way your current partner does.
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