A
female
age
36-40,
*oliderswife06
writes:hello everyone i have a problem with my best friend. you see weve been friends since 7th grade now weve been outta high school for a year and all but she is i guess going through this rough patch and i dont know how to deal or help her. you see as most kids probably we dated guys in high school and the ones i dated were older more mature had cars money blah blah blah and the ones she dated were around or about our age possible had cars possible had jobs but probably never went to school or anything. then she started dating this one guy who bossed her around all the time, hit her and what not and over the years my friend as found out that shes had clamidia* and goneria*{not really sure how to spell them sorry} and she has no idea how she got it or when she got it and now she cant get rid of it and she keeps askin me why she cant and i have no idea ive never had anything. and now shes seein like three guyz and they all have jobs, yes but no cars they live with there parents and there like over 25 and i think shes havin sex with all of them. now im married and all and i may not be in her life like i use to but i still love her. but anyways my question is how do i get my friend to realize that shes only settin herself up for failure with any of this guyz and that her stupidity has gotten her two diseases a black eye and her heart ripped from her why doesnt she learn from her mistakes shes not usin protection shes not on the pill and i just dont want her to end up like our friends and her mother who has 4 kids 4 different dads and never been married and has no idea where her dad or her brothers dad is or who there even are. i mean i just want to help her and i feel sometimes that if i keep her as a friend that it might ruin my life and my marriage cause my husband hates her to death but shes been there for me when he wasnt there. and really i just want to know how i can help her and if i should even try to help her and if not is it a good thing to keep this friendship going and if not how do i tell my best friend my only friend besides my husband someone who ive been friends with for 6 almost 7 years that i cant be there for her anymore and i cant be her friend! please i need some advice.
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (26 June 2007):
How can I help her out of her Rut? You can't. She has to do that for herself, No one can do it for her. As for her Chlamydie Disease, Well, She will need Medical Treatment for the Disease. You might want to Pull-Up Chlamydie on the Web. http://www.cdc.gov-STD Facts. It will gives you all that you would want to know. And also playing the field can be dangerous to your health. It's good to know that you care for her, Do be careful. OK.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Hi love,
you are a good friend, first chlamydia is one of the most common s.t.ds and can be treated with antibiotics the sooner its caught, sometimes though there are no symptoms you say your friend knows so as with the gonorrhoea she should be getting this sorted they are both quite common and can cause side affects if not treated, she most def shouldnt be having unprotected sex, and if she got pregnant the baby is at risk of being born blind...
Hun she is very much out of control and you can only do so much, she needs antibiotics and quick... You can only tell her how worried you are and to get help and to stop any sexual behavior untill this is seen to... You can tell her the risks advise her and then its down to her love you have done your best, and you do have other responsibilitys GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXX
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A
female
reader, Veasse  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Oh dear,
what a predicament you are in, I understand your concern about your life being marred by your friends life. Thats why i think you should keep them completely seperate.
It will be hard but you cant let this person, friend or not ruin your life and marriage.
Your friend needs to see a doctor, i know its difficult without med insurance but it needs to be done, she also needs to stop having sex with 3 men.. you know this, I know this but your friend seems to be on a self distruct mode and unless you know that she will listen to you, you wont be able to help.
I personally would sit down with your husband and explain that you need one shot to get through to her, if she accepts your help he has to understand that regardless of how much he dislikes her you are friends and thats important.
Then i would arrange to meet her somewhere safe, just the two of you but with someone near by to help if things get out of hand (upset etc)
Sit down with her and explain that you feel she is on a downward spiral and you can help her get her life back on track but she has to listen to what you say... explain what you can see... it may upset her but the truth hurts.
If she agrees and doesnt get her back up and go defensive then maybe you can help her but if she wont listen then you have done all you can.
I always give my friends help however if they dont want it you cant force it, dont break the friendship off but just dont allow her to talk about her STDs or men or anything that you have tried to help her with. Then if she gets upset you can say "look i tried to help and you declined my offer, now i cant help you" I know it seems cruel but its tough love and in the end it may make her realise and think about it when you wont talk to her about it!
hope all goes well
Regards
Veasse x
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