A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am growing close to a man who I work with despite us both living with our respective partners. We both know we have feelings for each other, and a greater connection on a mental and spiritual level. The thing is, I don't want a relationship with him. Realistically, we wouldn't be compatible and it would be too messy with too many people getting hurt. Currently we seem to be the emotional props that our partners are not providing us with; but I know if we allowed it to both of us would take it further in a heartbeat. But neither of us want to leave our partners. In a word, I want my cake and to eat it too.Deep down I know it would be wrong to act on our feelings, and to be honest I quite enjoy the fun of flirting without worrying where it's going. Plus it could make a great friendship awkward. I've thought I need to focus on problems at home, see why I am looking elsewhere? I think I would like some advice on my situation from an outside perspective - my rationale is flawed by my feelings. How would everyone else act?Thanks for any input, I appreciate all advice (however harsh!) :) x x x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 The feelings you're having are normal and they will happen all your life. Are you going to cheat every time you feel the urge? If you want to break it down, you're excited by the thought of doing something taboo. To be blunt, if you don't want to have a relationship with this guy, what would it be? Is it the act of putting body parts inside of each other and exchanging fluids. That is what it comes down to....If there are problems at home, fix them or move on but don't sully your name by taking your clothes off for a stranger. You've past the flirting stage too, your are already cheating.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): Your advice has all been very helpful thanks :)Although I am tempted to cheat, it's true, I wouldn't be impressed if the situation was reversed. I think I was fooling myself that I could work out my problems at home and keep my partner happy by getting what I need from an outside source, and thus it wouldn't become a problem between us. Special thanks to O Connor, who told me some harsh truths I needed to hear but refused to admit to myself. It's exactly what I needed - a grounded view from someone who's not been affected by the feelings bouncing around.
Thanks again all who answered. x x x
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 you want to have your cake and eat it too?? come one hun, do you really think that ever works out? you say you dont want to leave your partner, but you also say that you are having problems? the question is, do you love your boyf that much that you are willing to work through them? you have to be fair to your partner, and really think about wat you really want. and please dont cheat - nothing good EVER comes out of cheating. if your relationship is lacking the emotional support that you need, then i would consider leaving. dont stay in a relationship that lacks alot of the important elements of a healthy relationship, you have to think about your partner also - doesnt he deserve the chance to be happy with someone who wants to be with him 100%?? i hope this helps hun good luck
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (1 March 2008):
 It's true you do need to look at why you're obviously not satusfied in your relationship and why you are looking elsewhere.
Sometimes this is a big indication that the person you are with is not right for you, sometimes it's just an indication that things have got a little stale, and if this is the case, and you want to fix it with your relationship, you can go 2 ways. You either forget about this other guy for a while, try to avoid him as much as possible - out of sight, out of mind. Spice things up with the current partner.
Or you let it drift a bit with your partner, have a little flirtation fun with this other guy, get it out of your system, and see how things are with your partner when you've had enough flirtation.
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A
female
reader, SexKitten69 +, writes (1 March 2008):
 Hi there hunn, I have been in a similar situation and it's a very conflicting feeling....
I have to say tho looking back on this situation i would advise against it, if you loe your partner don't risk loosing it all and talk to him.
Why not go and see a counsellor as a couple and try to make your current relationship 'better', sit down with the other half and ask each other what is missing and try to assess where you are in the relatonship.
I know what it's like to have a feeling like there is something 'missing' in a relationship but does you partner know how you feel? If not then explain to him and try to solve out whatever is lacking.
Do you really want to hurt other people for a quick fling? Would you like to have this done to you?
I hoped this has helped, Please Rate :)
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