A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am 22 and very insecure. i have never had a proper g/f and find it hard to approach girls for fear of rejection. i portray myself as a carefree individual but that could not be further from the truth. i take negative comments very personally. i dont feel i am aan ugly person but others seem to think otherwise and i have recieved a lot of nasty comments from my childhood until now and this has affected my confidence. how can i learn to approach girls without feeling rejected before i even make a move???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SelfHelpCollective +, writes (27 May 2009):
The main issue you have is fear of rejection. The main reason 'successful' men are successful with women is that they 1) do not fear rejection (so if they get rejected, and they will, sometimes, then they don't care about it) and 2) they do not take negative comments personally.
So, in a sense, you've actually answered your question for you. STOP fearing rejection and STOP taking negative comments personally!
And your whole life will improve, just like that, not just your love-life!
And I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm also not saying that I have stopped doing these things either. I'm just saying this is what needs to be done, by you *and* by me!
Good luck to you, me and everyone else reading this who dosen't like the sound of being rejected, eh!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx very much for the replies i will take your advice on board and hopefully things change for the better
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A
female
reader, arie  +, writes (17 May 2009):
 hi ok first of all u say that u are a carefree individual but yet to take negitive comments personally, that is not a good mixture because if u are careless that means your confidence is great and high. in life, you have to learn how not to take negitive comments personally, they should be making u stronger as a person. there is always going to be someone who dosent like the way you look, and sometimes some people get it more than others but u need to be able to say that u are a handsome young man ok. as a 22 year old u probley at the stage where your looking for love and to me u deserve to find it. let someone like you because of your personality, you dont need people judging you by your outward appearance. u cannot be afraid of rejection no matter how bad you have had in in the past ok. the more u are afraid of it, the more you will get it. u need to pull you pants up high and tell yourself that you are handsome ok. if you yourself think you are not ugly then you are not. I suggest you start asking out random girls just for practice of getting in the hang of asking people out, if they say no, then say "Ok thankyou for your time" and if they say yes, tell them about your practice and try another girl and if you really want to get to know them, start with a number or a lunch date of some sort.get in the hang of it. look your best ok. first impressions are the best impressions ok. goodluck in your search and godbless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): in previuos years, i have been very shy. i was always afraid to say something to a boy in fear that he will laugh at me or something... but now i have learned.
if u take negative comments seriously then this will affect your confidence, a lot!!! if its a comment on your personality or a bad habit, try and change or refrain from doing it. if its a comment on your appearance there is nothing you can do about it. all my friends joke on my enormous nose, but i can't change my nose so i just take the jokes, laugh at them and get on with it. i wear nice clothes and make an effort with my hair. its just a matter of your personal opinion. just think positive about yourself and people will think positive about you. and if you get rejected, yes it is embarassing and hurtful but its not the end of the world!
forget about the bad childhood memories. they are in the past and thats where they belong. dont take the comments with you. just forget them, its not worth worrying about.
make sure the girl likes you enough before asking her out by looking for; darting glances, smiles etc.if she rejects you, then move on or try again later when u know her better. dont think about the scene of talking to her in your head because it causes panic and get s your adrenaline up and all sorts of bad endings pop in your head.
just be calm and good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): well the key thing is what do you have to loose? some dignity that's all - if they say no - they you are in the same position you were before you asked? however if they say yes....
Anyway if i was you i would spend more time around girls - clubs, hobbies etc and learn what makes them tick, so you can talk normally to them first.
i would also learn a sport such as karate - this will raise your self confidence and make you fitter.
self- confidence is all in your head - not a real thing, just something you imagine like dragons or a talking starfish...
Star.x.
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A
female
reader, foxy7727 +, writes (17 May 2009):
 self confidence truly is everything when u aproach a women u dont have to be the best looking the most athletic u just have to be urself not shy or afraid if u think a women is atractive or u like her start a conversation w/ her make her smile being rejected does suck but ther are so many single people out ther u cant waist time on the ones who cant like u for u good luck u seem like a nice guy and im really bad at the dating scene myself so dk if i was any help but good luck
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