A
male
age
30-35,
*olesofmyownmaking
writes:Hello everyone. For a while now I've been struggling after my first love broke up with me. It was a two year long relationship that was undoubtedly amazing. However, I made a horrible mistake and was unfaithful. After I told her, we both cried all night, and for the next three days I wouldn't leave my room. It was terrible, and the fact that I had caused it all made it even more terrible. She hadn't broken up with me until almost a month later, because she was indecisive. She kept telling me she was choosing between her heart and her head. Reason said she should break up with me. But her heart was unwilling. For those couple of weeks before she broke it off, our chemistry was still pretty good, until one day where it literally overnight went upside down. The chemistry was completely gone. I was dumbfounded. If anything I expected it to be gradual. We've been broken up for about a year now, and I expected that I would've gotten over her by now. Granted, the "love pains" in my stomach have become much less frequent, but every now and then, something triggers it, and I feel just as emotional as I ever was. I feel like I lost someone who was perfect for me. I had never connected so well with a person, and had never felt so comfortable. She was also the most beautiful girl I had ever met-I immediately noticed her the first time I had seen her. I feel like she's a huge act to follow. I feel like no girl will ever be able to match what we had. I feel like I'll never be able to have so much chemistry and feel so comfortable with anyone else. Nor do I feel I'll come across anyone more beautiful. So my question is, how can I get over someone that great? Will I ever find someone better? And how can I cope with the fact that it's entirely my fault?
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male
reader, JoeM  +, writes (25 February 2010):
Of course you will find someone as great again.
I thought I would never get over someone after a breakup and it did hurt for a long time, but time does heal and you always do find another special someone.
One thing that I did find to get over the person was to challenge my thoughts about her.
Try writing down all the things that you feel and tell yourself about her, especially the things that get you feeling emotional about her again.
You should then challenge each of these thoughts your having and write down more realistic reponses to these thoughts.
For example if you put her on pedestal and think she is better than any other girl.
Challegne that thought...Remember before you met her she was just like any other girl. If you could develop these feelings for her, of course you can develop these feelings for someone else in the future.
So its not realistic to put her on such a pedestal. You just miss the love you shared. But you will find someone else to love in the future.
Challenging your thoughts and feelings and writing down a response to them really helps. Because next time you start getting those feelings, open up the document you have written this stuff down in and read it. It will help you see the reality of the situation and eventually with time you will let it all go.
Worked for me! so hope it helps...
(Note: challenging your thoughts and feelings like this is a self help method called Cognitive Behaviour therapy, google it... it is proven to be very effective...)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Your mistake, you lost ur soulmate. because of your selfishness and wanting more even though you had it all. No you probly wont find any1 better or who loved you more. But hey you would do it again in an instant.You cant hurt people and betray them and expect too feel good. I hope that you find someone and they do it on you, then you understand how much you hurt someone.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2010):
You've already made progress, even if it feels as if it you haven't. All you can do is continue to go out, meet new people and you'll get there and find someone else. It'll just take more time.
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