A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off. I love my boyfriend and I will not break up with him so please do not encourage me to do so, your efforts would be in vain. Throughout our relationship , alcohol has never been an option. He would never let me drink and he made me swear on his life that I would never drink unless he was there. He also made the same promise to me. I asked him if we could drink on Canada day, he got very very mad at me and told me never to ask that again. We also made a deal that he had to tell me before hand if he was going to hang out with a girl (the same went for me except with men).A week later I find out he was drinking at a party, with a guy friend he always talks badly about. There were many girls there and I found out about this by pictures on facebook. A girl was over him the whole party... She put his head on her shoulder, and he in the picture was leaning away and obviously not enjoying it, but in the other pictures they were in a row with his friend and had their arms around each other.I confronted him and he said he was soo sorry and he was going to tell me. He said he just had a sip of alcohol and that he was trying to get her away but you can't really push drunk girls away because people will call you a woman beater. It's happened to him before apparently.What I want to know is how can I let this go. I mean if I had done the same thing he would have ignored me for at least a week and possibly dumped me! To make matters worse he didn't tell me right after it happened and he looked me in the eye and told me all his friend and him did was watch movies.... I don't know what to think, I obviously can't trust him, and I told him he has to earn trust back but I don't think he'll try... He just expects me to ignore it and get over it and act like it never happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your help :)
i already decided i would not get back at him because i don't want him to feel as hurt as i feel now and that would be low to do that out of spite. xnickx helped and a-g55 helped a bit too. but the reason he doesnt like alcohol is because he had an abusive alocoholic stepfather and his bestfriend almost killed himself once when he was drunk. this is the first time he has ever really betrayed my trust so take it easy on him guys. trust me other then this, he is the sweetest guy ever. he calls me to make sure i get home okay when im walking home at night with friends and he stopped being friends with his ex because she was flirting with him. hes done muuuch nicer things but i dont want to rant :P. i've talked to him and i told him he cannot do this again or i'll have to break up with him. he understands how much it hurts me and i told him if he rlly rlly has to go to a party bring me next time but never ever go to a party without me again. he said he would i just wanted to come to terms with that happened because it still hurts. :) thx for helping though i kno even if u said to break up with him u guys r just looking out for my feelings that means alot to me.
A
male
reader, xnickx  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Im just going to pick out a few key statements in you question:
I mean if I had done the same thing he would have ignored me for at least a week and possibly dumped me!
I don't know what to think, I obviously can't trust him
on the other hand...
I love my boyfriend and I will not break up with him so please do not encourage me to do so, your efforts would be in vain
Throughout our relationship , alcohol has never been an option. He would never let me drink and he made me swear on his life that I would never drink unless he was there. He also made the same promise to me.
He obviously cares for you, and you obviously care for him. Any relationship is going to have its ups and downs, you have to find a way to get through them. Yes, he betrayed your trust. But, a relationship without trust will not work very well.
Perhaps, he doesnt expect you to ignore it, may he just expects you to forgive him. You said he looked you in the eye and told you. If he was sincere, i see no reason not to trust him, as long as it doesnt happen again.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him you are hurt. I wouldnt suggest getting back at him like anonymous said or that could be a whole bunch more problems for your relationship.
So good luck, and if you need anything else, message me!
Nick
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): I think maybe you need to do the same thing and see what he says... OR..,or, OR, oR!...You should somehow get him to think that you are out drinking and canoodling with gross drunk guys and see how he reacts, then bring up what he did and tell him you never did it, but see how it made you feel? You feel me?
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A
male
reader, a-g55  +, writes (12 July 2009):
 You mentioned at the beginning that you don't want people to recommend you split up with your boyfriend, however you have just described someone so hypocritical he deserves it.However I shall take a different attitude on this. In His mind your his little princess and has a fear of what alcohol will do to you, should you get drunk with your friends. He also has a fear of what girls do and talk about when they are together. He know in his heart he would not cheat on you with another girl from what it sounds like he was just caught up in a party situation with a girl all over him. If you were there in the atmosphere you wouldn't be so bothered because you would have witnessed the whole night but you didn't so you are right to have doubts and feelings. he lied to you and said he just watched movies because he knew deep down that the truth would hurt you and probably didn't want the hassle. Like I said. he sees you as his little innocent princess and the reason the restrictions apply to you is because he fears that his opinion of you will change if he heard or witnessed you were without inhibitions with alcohol........I have tried to give you an insight to how he must be thinking so you can try and let it go easily but you must accept that if you want to change the restrictions then all you can do is tell him straight and talk about it. If not then you agree that the rest of the time in this relationship will be the same.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (12 July 2009):
 So breaking up with him is not an option, and yet he doesn't seem to feel what he has done is worth earning your trust back.What does this guy do to give you any indication that he values you? The fact you are quite certain he won't try suggests that either this is not the first time something like this has happened, or that you haven't been feeling valued in the relationship for quite some time.Your feelings, this relationship is not worth any of his effort?If he respected you he wouldn't lie to you, and if he cared he would be the one on here begging for advice on how to make it better.You won't end it, he won't try and make things better, so honestly - and I'm afraid this is a little blunt, the only answer is to continue deluding yourself because you can't fix this one by yourself.
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