A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, This isn't a romantic question, just a general one that I'd like opinions on. It was my birthday on Friday, and as part of my birthday present to myself I had bought very expensive tickets to a show which I would never get another chance to see. My boyfriend couldn't come as on Thursday he had an accident and was in a bit of a mess. So I rang a couple of girlfriends as I didn't want the ticket to go to waste and thought one of them might like to come and see the show. Two of them already had plans which they couldn't change, but one said that she couldn't come because her boyfriend was leaving to go interstate for work the following day. When he does that he goes to bed at 7.00pm the night before and leaves at about 4.00am the next morning, so he would have been asleep for the time that the show was on anyway, and on top of that, she is always whinging about how he never talks to her anyway. So I went to the show on my own, (and thoroughly enjoyed it). It got me thinking about how for the last few months, whenever I invite her anywhere, she always makes excuses, (like "I can't come because I've got some ironing to do"),yet when she feels like company I make time for her.I have got the shits with her big time, because I feel that she really let me down as a friend this time. Am I over-reacting and being selfish and childish? Reply to this Question
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reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (12 July 2009):
I do agree with samantha. Though sometimes I believe it is appropriate for people to be a little selfish with thier feelings in a situation. Maybe even force the issue just a little. If it were me I would be like "Look I really wanted you to go to that show with me and I feel like I was shafted" If you skate around your feelings you will most likely get a skate around answer. There are things you want to know and you care about your friend and sometimes I think when it comes to someone you care about you have to pry it out of them. In the long run I believe one of two things will happen. They will either realize that you are a person who really cares for them and they have a new found trust and respect for you or they will simply shut you out. Either way I believe that is thier problem and not yours. I tell my closest friends to always be true to themselves. To me it is the best way to make sure people worth associating with are the only ones you want to keep in your life
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): If this is something which, as you say, has been happening for a while, then I think it is natural for you to start wondering what is going on.
I suppose you could start becoming unavailable when she wants to see you, and see if she starts to make more of an effort.
But I guess I prefer the more direct approach! So could you maybe talk to her about this? You could maybe phrase it in a way which sounds like you are concerned about her, as she never seems to want to do anything or go anywhere with you. This way, it won't sound like you are confronting her or anything. It will just sound like you are genuinely wondering if everything is alright.
You never know, there could be something going on in her life right now, which you don't know about. She might open up and explain, if she realises how you feel.
But if there doesn't seem to be any particular reason for her lack of interest, then I guess you will have to decide whether to keep trying with her, or whether to just accept that she may just be a more distant friend.
It must be frustrating for you, and I can imagine that you may be feeling a bit used. But before reaching any conclusions, I advise first talking to her. Good luck. x
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