A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:my family and friends will not accept that my 25 year old girlfriend soon to be wife is in love with me and wants to be with me. they call her horrible insulting names. yea i cheated on my wife of many many years, and left her for this girl. i loved my wife but she could not have any children, and i thought i didn't want any when we met. but the past ten years have been weighing on me and the urge to have a son has haunted my dreams. my girlfriend is pregnant now with my child and i am pleased. yes im 49, but i dont care. i want for her to stay home, not have a job and take care of my child. they all say that she is after my money and all that it will pay for. and that as soon as my money is gone baby or no she will be gone. this thought is absurd. i want them to accept her how do i do this.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 October 2012):
 I agree with CindyCares. Your wife, who you supposedly loved, couldn't have babies, which you said you were fine with. Then you spontaneously changed your mind so you wrecked her life to get what you wanted.
Also what if your child isn't a son? Are you going to cheat on your current wife to get one?
You made your choices, you have to live with them with or without your family's acceptance.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 October 2012):
 I think you are having unrealistic expectations, in fact to tell you the truth I am surprised that your family and friends still want to TALK to you.
Time is a great healer, and grandchildren make fantastic ambassador of peace. I think your relatives will sensibly mellow down once the baby is here .
In the meantime, don't push for acceptance. You made your bed, now you lie in it.
You are obviously free to make all the decisions you want for your life- that does not mean that other people HAVE to approve them !
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (18 October 2012):
 Asking your family's acceptance of your new partner and your new life is like your family asking you to ditch your new pregnant woman- it's simply not going to happen. Maybe in time they will get over it, but chances are it will never be exactly the way you want them to be. Frankly, if I were your family or friend, I too would not accept your new relationship. The only thing is I would never call her names, as none of this is really her fault. You're the one that cheated on your wife and chose life with the pregnant mistress. You made a series of choices in your life and now you will accept the outcome. And the outcome just may be being alone with this girl and your child without the support of your family and friends. No one is obligated to accept or support your life choices. After all, who are you to tell or coax anyone to go against their own values and beliefs, just to make your crappy choices in life seem better? Certainly doesn't sound fair, nor reasonable to me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 October 2012):
 I get their point of view and i have some concerns for you..
1. You cheated on your ex-wife with your soon to be wife… are you divorced yet from the ex? IF not, legally you are still cheating… and clearly she made the choice to be involved with a man who is a cheater and a liar. Since you are family, they have to blame some one so instead of calling you a bastard they will call her a whore. Makes sense to this mom…. Not right that they are judging but it’s the truth.. anger has to be put somewhere…
2. Will your child be born out of wedlock? This is upsetting for many folks especially your parents who come from a very different time where “bastard” children were NOT openly displayed with delight by any family members. Pregnant single girls were hidden away….
3. There is close to a 25 year age gap… most folks have a problem with that regardless of who is older… not fair in some cases… but again the truth…
4. “the urge to have a son”…. What happens if it’s a daughter? Will you be disappointed? Will you selfishly want to try again if it’s a girl? When your child is 10 years old you will be nearly 60… I hope to god you stay healthy and whole, for you, your future wife and your child… cause let me tell you that after 50 I deteriorated so badly I’m thinking of retirement now at 52 whereas a mere two years ago I was running 5k’s and doing yoga 3 days a week… now it’s all I can do to get out of bed. I could not in any way shape or form deal full time with a toddler as a parent… even with help…
5. My first marriage broke up because my controlling husband wanted me to “stay home and take care of HIS children”…. Do you plan to give her money without her having to explain why she needs it? Can you afford it? Does SHE want to stay home and care for HER child? Some women want to work.. what if she wants to work??
6. What will you do if in 10 years she wants out… she will have been a SAHM, you will be 60 and she will take you to court for Child support AND alimony because you WANTED her to stay home and care for your child….
So now that I’ve put these bugs in your brain… here’s what you do about your “family”
You cut them off. You cannot force them to accept her or love her or even like her.
YOU left your wife of many years (that your family probably loves like their own) for this “snip of a girl” who “got herself pregnant” and now “wants to use you for your money” and expect them to accept her in place of the woman they are all still attached to. THEY did not leave your wife, you did. SO what you do is you leave your family.
FAMILY is who you choose it to be… relatives are who you are related to.
My family: my dad, my QSM (his partner of many years after my mother died) my brother and his husband and my husband and my two grown childen… my husband’s family: me… he has totally cut himself off from his blood relatives because they are toxic for him…
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 I agree, you should not be forcing your new life on your family and friends. They probably still have empathy for the wife you left behind....some sh*t just sticks forever.
None of them should really be judging your life now, but who can blame them for having a pop...it's human nature. Old man with a pregnant girl half his age ( to a lot of people it's pretty tasteless, so why insist that people accept it)
Best you can do is to keep your head down, mind your business, bring up your wife and child and enjoy the fact that you were lucky enough to get what you wanted (at the expense of another person but they can't lock you up for being selfish)
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Hi
I think you have to see it from their point of view, you cheated with her and she knew you were married,she's only in her 20s.She's pregnant which means your going to be supporting her and your child for years~whether the marriage lasts or not.
They probably thought you would be with your wife forever.
They may accept her in time,after your married and the baby is born,thats all you can hope for.In the meantime don't force your new relationship on them.They just care about you.
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