A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay well im 17 now, when i was 15 i met this guy aged 17 who i really liked, he asked me out and we were together for 6 months, i was madly in love with him! we were 'friends' to everyone, i dunno why we wouldnt admit our relationship. but then one day i walked in my house and saw him and my sister who at the time was 13, kissing. i burst out crying and ran out! ever since that day, they've been goin out.! 18 months they have been together. ive had 2 boyfriends since then, who have treated me like shit! one lasted 3 months, one lasted 4, but i just cant stop thinkin about him. The more i see them together the more i hate them both! i was so happy with him, obviously he wasnt! theyre all over each other all the time, theyre together 24/7! they kiss in front of me all the time. they even went on holiday with my family. i couldnt even go cos he went! hes 19 now, and hes goin out with my 14 year old sister while he should be with me! he buys her flowers, phones, ipodds, shoes, he spoils her rotten! hes givin her £250 for her birthday! im jealous to death, i know its pathetic to admit but i really do despise them both! she knew how much i liked him, its stupid i know! but i cant talk to anyone about it, cos not many people know we were a couple. although they both did! i really cant take it much more. i wanna move out of my own home so i dont have to see him again! please someone help me! what can i do to stop me feeling like this? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): they both disrespected you and you have every right to be angry, hurt, upset. but when it comes to obsession and compulsive hatred this is where we need to draw the line. you have suffered yes, but by you being insanely jealous they are actaully getting the better of you. they are robbing you of your future happiness. in fact you are robbing yourself. cry if you need to, how about one big last cry. cry for the pain they have caused you, cry for the humiliation caused, cry because you actually did love him for a while. THEN purposefully stop. Think about this. who wants a cheater in any event? are you not glad that you don't have to put up with someone like him. your sister has proven in her very very young life what she is capable of. you do not have ot stoop to her level. but you can observe and decide never to be like that. ever. make a list of what you like about them (if any) and what you do not. write a letter and explain your hurt. you don't have to give it to anyone, but by writing it out, it is acknowledgement. what you are going through. then slowly pick up the pieces.
day by day slowly start loving yourself. how do you expect to someone (anyone) to love oyu if you cannot love yourself. make a list of what you are good at. make a list of what you would like to be good at, then try to achieve it. for now prioritise you, for now, invest in yourself. you need to accept and slowly move on.
once you learn to love yourself again, then you can try becoming friends with other boys. friendship will sometimes lead into a deeper relationship. do not jut have a bf to show the two of them. value yourself, do not just have sex because it kills the pain for the moment. have sex when you feel it is right , with the right one.
one day, i hope your sister will learn the meaning of loving her sister. i hope it will not be too late for her. but for you you need to move on. you can love your sister from a distance but do not put yourself in a poisiton where she will betray you again. you can have boundaries and don't let her cross it.
lets be realistic for a moment - you hate your sister right now. why? because she has something that you want. is this 19 yr old all that you make him out to be? you "cheated" on you, so your sis is welcome to him. yes, they may be sooooooo in love/lust right now, but guess what, it will end. yes it will end, but by then you would have moved on to someone better, decent, someone who will love you otally and who would want to shout it out for everyone to hear. you turn will come but sadly your turn is not now. in time yes, but now is your healing time.
every now and then plse send us an update, hey even ask for moral support to get you through it all. even as adults we mess up, Big Time, but we go through the very same that you are going through. it also takes us time, but slowly we try to make peace with things that happened to us.
i really wish you love and happiness. and remember you deserve to be loved........it starts with loving yourself first
A
female
reader, GabiLC  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I understand that you're jealous; it's human nature and you can't help it. But you can help the level of jealously. Sit back and look at this picture. He's 19 years old and she's 14 years old. Do you think that this is going to last forever? Nope. And now she's spoiled for him. Soon, he's going to move on to someone either younger or older and she will feel like you, but worse because she's so spoiled. What you need to do is try your hardest to be happy for them. "Well, he wasn't the one for me and soon enough, he will not be the one for her." Sip some wine and call up some guy friends. Go out and let yourself be seen, so that you may catch a guy that truly loves you and will let everyone know. I hope this helps!
P.S. No more relationships that causes you to hide your love. That's a sign for bad things to come.
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A
male
reader, Guitarist +, writes (15 June 2009):
 thats really cruel and inconsiderat how they could both do that to you. i feel for you greatly, i know how hard it can be seeing an ex with someone else. unfortunately i cant tell you how to get over him but i think giving yourself some space is a good idea and if you think it might help then go for it. obviously they're happy together so all you can do is accept it. i'm so sorry this had to happen to you, but there are plenty more guys out there and you're bound to find one who treats you better. keep your chin up.
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A
female
reader, tammeirra +, writes (15 June 2009):
I looked at your question and realized I didntneed to finish reading it because the conclusion is this your boyfriend disrespected you and your sister betrayed you your boyfriend has no care in the world about age when it comes to girls so you should see that as shallow and pitty him for it and your sister just got taken advantage of by and older guy and she may not even know it. U sually if a sister kisses her sisters boyfriend it consists of jealousy to you but thats just a suggestion. you may have fallen in love with guy but your intuition told you different you sistermay need support and advice about love something you should know about as you felt it with him however let her know your heartbreak the meaning of a relationship and betrayl and for that cheating boyfriend of your look at him in disgust you have every right to be mad at him I say whatever you feel the hurt etc. it should be expressed
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