A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently starting going out with this guy called Bob* I do like him but he is so distances he doesn’t hug me or anything, I think due to that I’ve started thinking about my last ex called Ash* I think about Ash at night the most considering that’s when we saw each other the most we always hugged and laughed but with Bob its harder I do think about Bob when he texts or when someone says his name and I smile but my questions are what can I do about the distanced thing with Bob? and how can I stop myself falling back for Ash or even thinking about him? (all names have been changed just to let you know.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): Might be a bit early for Bob to get physical or maybe he just isn't the touchy feely type. Bob will have qualities Ash hasn't so concentrate on them. You obviously like hearing from him and must have had a reason to split with Ash.
Comparing people doesn't really work. They are both full personalities in themselves.
A
female
reader, sunandstars +, writes (19 June 2011):
Maybe Bob is a just this kind of person. Are you his first girlfriend? Maybe he's shy because he's unsure of how to handle you, my boyfriend was the same, he was so shy he had to ask his friends how to hug because he didn't want to do it wrong, maybe it's that? Which I personally think is cute, it shows he cares. I think your feelings for Ash are just returning because you want Bob to be affectionate in the same way he was. All you can do is confront him, ask him why he is like this and discuss your options on how to make it better. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): If your feelings for Ash are stronger than those for Bob, perhaps you need to take a break from this relationship and sort out your feelings?
Try talking to Bob about how you feel.
If Bob has always been like that, maybe it's just the type of person he is. Don't forget Bob and Ash are two different people - you can't compare them fairly
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (19 June 2011):
 How long have you been with Bob, maybe he is the type of person that takes longer to open up to people and be affectionate, maybe you could talk to him about it, or when you see him just hug him or ask for a hug and see how he is.
You are more than likely thinking about ash, because you are not happy with the bob situation, i think if you sort things out with bob and make them better you will notice ash is no longer on your mind.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Well, as you rightly recognise, you solve the second problem by dealing with the first. Something is lacking in your current relationship so naturally you are thinking of your last one - although there maybe unresolved issues also from your last one, and it maybe possible that Bob is a bit of a rebound to be honest with you.
You see, the thing is you can talk to Bob about how you feel, which if its getting you down you should do but ultimately you cant change who he is, now would I advocate you do because you should accept and want your partner for who they are, not who you want them to be or who you mould them to be.
I get the distinct impression that the real problem is not the same kind of guy as Ash. Now you either have to accept that or you don't, its really your call but if you don't then you have a problem with this relationship. You can't ask Bob to be something he may well not be; some guys are affectionate and do alot of PDA (public displays of affection) others simply don't (hasten to add the same is true of girls too) and its simply different horses for different courses. You probably dont want this answer - by all means talk to Bob and see if that helps but I think ultimately you probably have to have a long hard think about whether this relationship is right for you and Bob can give you what you want. Good luck and take care :)xx
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