A
male
age
41-50,
*addad
writes:My gf of 6 years and I have been havin a lot of problems and have split up twice now this year. We have 3 young kids together.We split up for around 2 weeks in Jan, during this time we spoke about all our problems and said that we both loved each other and would give it another go.But it all went wrong recently and I asked her if she wanted me to leave again. She said yes and said that she doesnt feel the same about me anymore and it was like she was pretending after our Jan split. Ive moved out of the house as we said that we would have a trial separation for a month or two. She said that she wants time to miss me and to rekindle our love, but next day she said that she "loves me but isnt in love" with me. Then next day she would say that she has feelings for me. But she doesnt want to talk about our relationship. In fact, it seems that she doesnt want to talk to me anymore at all. She never rings me but I ring the house everyday to speak to the kids and we dont really speak to each other. I see her 3 times a week when Im getting the kids and she lets me hug her but doesnt really hug back and wouldn't let me kiss her saying that "we were on a break". She knows how I feel about her but Im so confused as to where I stand with her right now. I think that it is over in her mind but she just wont tell me. It doesnt feel like she wants to rekindle our love at all. I have written a letter baring my soul about everything but I dont feel like giving her it as she just doesnt seem to care. We have been split for over 2 weeks but it feels like 2 years. Everyday is a struggle and I can't go on like this, my life is on hold waiting for her. Im getting angry at how she is treating me as I have done nothing wrong to her (i was working too much and she said I didnt want to spend time with her and the kids). How can I get her to talk to me and be honest with me about what she is feeling?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, saddad +, writes (1 April 2007):
saddad is verified as being by the original poster of the question She hasnt said anything to me about the letter. Nothing at all. Its like she just wants to forget I exist. I don't understand why she is treating me like a piece of dirt.
I had the kids on Saturday and my oldest (5) was in tears asking why I wasnt going to be her daddy anymore cos I didnt live with her.
Its taking all my strength to stop myself from ringing her. Im so depressed I think about suicide every day.
A
male
reader, saddad +, writes (27 March 2007):
saddad is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes - Im an idiot - I really am. I gave her the letter this morning and I shouldn't have. But I actually feel much better for it because at least now I can leave her alone. Now she has the letter I have no urge whatsoever to ring her. Im actually getting very angry at how she is treating me. Her father past away less than 6 months ago and I am trying to get her to go to counselling. She seems to blame me for everything.I really miss my kids though - I dont think I could see them only once a week. I'll try and keep y'all posted.
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Unfortunatly it seems this relationship has broken down and she doesn't feel the same way about you anymore. She still cares about you, this could be why she is finding it hard to say things are over, maybe she doesn't want to think of you not being there.
I think you need to start coming to terms with how you are going to move on with your life and to set times when you are going to see or call your kids. Maybe call them every other night and arrange times when you can see them. I wouldn't try to discuss things with your partner and don't try to give her hugs, stop sending her texts and letters etc. Let her begin to know how it would be if you wasn't there.
Pick the children up keep things light, make polite conversation spend as much time with the children as you can. Try not to let things get strained and bitter, remember your kids are the most important thing.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 March 2007):
 If you want this to work you really DO need to give her some space. I suggest you only call once a week to talk to the kids and only see them at weekends. No more letters or cards or texts... nothing! It sounds to me like she's taking you for granted, she's feeling a bit sorry for herself just now and is mixed up inside with regard to what to do for the best. Give her the space she needs and make her miss and want you again. Women like the challenge of the chase but you aren't letting her chase you as you're always there at her beck and call so toughen up a bit. I know it will be hard for you but if she really does love you deep down then you not being there will let her see this.
Look at it this way, she said she wants to get her head together, she wants to miss you and re-evaluate her thoughts, what do you do? Call up every night (to talk to the kids - but you know you want to talk with her too). Send her a letter baring your soul then try to hug or kiss her when you arrive for the kids. Play harder to get, be more assertive, take control and let her see you respect her wishes with regards to the need for some space. Only take the kids at weekends and call them once a week. They'll miss you and be so pleased to see you (and you them) so if THEY feel that way, you might just be surprised that your partner might (if given the space) feel that way too.
Try it and let me know how it goes. When you do pick the kids up, make sure you look good, keep things light and don't hang around, I think you'll see the difference.
Eve
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