A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok i (me aged 19) dont know how to say this but... i've a boyfriend (for this "fred" aged 24) and we were/are happy but i have'en felt as close to "fred" since i met someone at work (for this "tom" aged 35) and we are going out still but i have not felt not as close to "fred" and since i found out that "tom" like's me i'm confused about whether i like "tom" or "fred". the only thing is "tom" is a boss at work but not my boss he's the kichen boss and i'm a bar tender but i think i like him and "tom" and "fred" know each other. How can I find my TRUE feelings for each and decide what one I want to date?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe age gap is not what is so hard it's the fact "tom" know's me for who i am as i do him but he has never lied to me even about how his father died and "fred" know me but not as deep, my relationship with "fred" has been great but in the last month we have been drifting apart and i can see this but i don't think "fred" can/wants to.
"tom" has never been known to date younger girls i mean he has work at our work for 8 years and no one has said anything about it and there's girls younger/older and better looking than me. and i got to see how much it hurt him when he thought i liked one of he chefs the pain was written all over him no matter what he did.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Well, first, I don't know how serious your relationship is, or ever was, with "fred". If he is just someone you date occasionally and have made no "commitment noises" to him, then you are not betraying anything by dating anyone else. I would, however, note the difference in your and "tom's" age. It is not insignificant. You say he "likes" you. That can mean many things. I "like" many young women much younger than myself, but I would never consider a dating situation, and certainly not a romantic one. There are young women who are attracted to much older men, for many different reasons. I won't go into all that. Just let me say that in the long run, any 'relationship' between them doesn't usually last very long. This is one of those facts of life that is very well known, but is seldom explained in detail. Think carefully and use your common sense to best advantage.
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