A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, well basically.. I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend. It sounds like a typical problem, but I'll just tell you the whole story..I started dating him in February, we broke up once along the way, but ended for good in early July. And 3 days after we ended things, he was with my best friend. Who hadn't even bothered to ask me if it was okay. She told me, a week or so afterwards that she decided to go out with him to 'try it'.But, the reason I ended things with him, was because I saw he was falling for her. And I didn't want to become a jealous girlfriend. So I just ended things, didn't make a fuss. But I still don't think they should have gone out 3 days after.. And I feel betrayed. Mostly betrayed by the fact that he didn't want me anymore, that he was falling for her. And it really hurt, I've never felt so hurt in my whole life. It was scary. And then I realized just how in love with him I was, and still am.Along the way, I've had a couple boyfriends, none lasting more than a couple weeks. I always felt bad about just using them for someone to take my mind off of him. But he never seemed to notice, and even now.. A couple months down the line, I can't look at him and her without feeling so betrayed, so hurt, and even jealous.None of my friends know I'm still in love with him, they all think I've moved on. But they keep saying how me and him made a good couple, or are 'meant to be' and things like that.. He talks to me, now and then.. It's not as awkward as it used to be. But one of the things that hurts me so much, is when I look at him, it's like there's nothing there in his eyes. Like nothing between me and him ever happened.I don't know if I want to go back out with him in the future or not. Would that just be making a pattern, back and forth between me and my friend? Or is there something still there, should I wait for him?I need honest advice, be as honest as you want, but don't be mean.Thanks! :)
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female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 This sounds like a really tough situation, but one that has a solution that may be easier said than done.
This guy may have been a good boyfriend several months ago, but the decisions he has made since have not qualified him to be worthy of you.
Your friend is another story. The fact that your best friend would date your ex, and brush it off like it is casual is insulting and hurtful.
It truly sounds like you need to move on - away from this situation and into new experiences - new people.
I would NOT advise dating a guy who would start dating a close friend 3 days later, no matter what the circumstances are. I think you have every right to be hurt, and perhaps should explain this hurt to your ex AND your friend. Be honest with them, and get it off your chest. They need to know what they did was wrong and that it hurt you. But apart from getting it off your chest, starting to date this guy again would be disaster.
You sound like a smart girl, and I'm sure you have lots going for you - and this guy has done nothing but denegrate and demoralize you for the sake of his own selfish needs.
I hope everything works out!
A
female
reader, Lovehim4eva +, writes (11 October 2010):
Well i still love my ex. Its tearing me about we was gping out for over 10 months. My advice is if u really love him still then leave things for awhile dont phone text or see him. He might then think y she not contacted in a month? Idk wot else to say i know its mostly my fault y my ex btoke with me thi gs i did but id never b my old self again. I keep being told hes moved on but im the longest realationship hes had with alot of history now. He asked me to marry him ect. Cant just pretend it all never happened? Im looking for advice myself but i just say no contact for awhile gd luck
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