A
female
age
30-35,
*aiti30
writes:so ive been with my boyfrined, Scott for over 4 months... im always worried about him cheating, but its never really bugged me, cause i never thought hed do it, well there was this girl Bella, that i askedt o him to stop talking to, he did, and then this girl Becky came soon after, she calls him more then i do, and is alwasy like "baby when are you coming over" and things like that, he knows how i feel about things like that, well those girls have been 1 girl, Rachel, his "ex" apparently, but i ddnt find that out til a few days ago, but anyway, she called him moer then i did, and im his gf, and he got all defensive when i toold him to stop talking to her, ive always known somethin was goin on because his signature is Kaitis-Man, and he never had it on for her... and i called her, and was like who is this? and thats when i find out it was her. He told me hadnt seen her since we first stared dating, but she sent me pictures of him in his graduation gown... and that was in may... we started datin in march... but he left for basci 3 days ago, so i havnt gotten the chance to confront him, so he left tuesday, heres the funny part, sunday night he was wit me, and she sent him a message "when u comin over?" and we had a huge fight about how " i wanna spend our last few days arguin ABOUT SOME girl who means nothing to him" so i kinda backed off, but sunday night he ddnt go home... he styed the night with her... and monday he came over to my house again... and yes we have sex... so more then likely hes cheatin on me... and i feel so dirty... im pregnant with his baby, and really just want this to work out... i would go into more detail but id have to type alot more... so i hope this helps... usuakly wen a guy stays with a gilr he has sex with her... i want to make things work out, but once again hes at absic so he wont get a chanc to call for about 3 weeks,... and he wud get mad for me brining it up, and prolly hang up... so my question: how can i fix things between us? and how do i kick this other girl to the curb???, and how do i bring him closer to me, and wat am i doin wrong? please help me...(MOD NOTE - Names have been changed) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babybutton  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 You can't none of this is your fault he's a player and you shouldn't be second best.its about little lon now if he treats u like this heaven knows how hill treat u if he devoted time to u. Put u and baby first men come and gonplus if you can't even talk to him without him beeing uptight about it then it sais it all he should respect you enough to tell you what's going on in his head . Ditch him u diserv better xx
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 July 2010):
He's got you both, that's why. Twice the slave work, all the sex, all the fun. No he doesn't care. You can't tell. No one can tell. He's faking care, that's for sure, but like a lot of women before you, you're not really looking at the facts. This man is having his way with you and her, and maybe even some others. Dump him
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 The story is a bit complicated but the last question is easy to answer.
Why he'd spend time dealing with you if he had her :
because there are a lot of people, but really a lot,who believe in eating their cake and keeping it too.
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A
female
reader, kaiti30 +, writes (17 July 2010):
kaiti30 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i dnt think you guys are gettin everything... its a complicated story, the easyest way to explan it wud be to talk to you guys... or sened you a video, its hard to type everything... but thanks for youe help... and he cnt feel trapped or anyting, becasue he cares, you can just tell... i just wanna know why hed spend his time dealing with me, if he had her...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 I found this all too confusing to understand. What girl is his ex, and what is a "signature" that he never used with you... I don't understand this. But, from what I think is going on, you believe he has cheated on you, and you want to control who he talks to. You can't control who he talks to, and if his contact with someone is bothering you you can let him know, but not force him to never talk to that person again. He has a life of his own and decides whom he wants to talk to. If the people he talk too are not acceptable to you, then you need to leave the man. Not try and make him leave his friends. There will always be some Becky or Bella or Rachel out there, and he will talk to them, and they will talk to him. It is out of your control. Can I ask, why did he spend the night at some womans house, the last night he was in town (I guess in town)? Was it planned? Did he tell you he was going over there? And if you were mad at him for spending the night there, and suspicious that he might cheat, why did you have sex with him?? And how did you end up pregnant, was the baby planned? And are you using condoms, because if he cheats he can catch an STD and pass it on to you. And if he cheats he will get some other woman pregnant as well. Are you ready to live with that? Or is it time to leave this mess behind and work for a stable home for you and your baby?
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A
female
reader, cheyenne96 +, writes (16 July 2010):
 damn, thats alot to take in. i may be young but its enough to tell that he just needs to be so much more commited. are you guys planning on marriage ect? if so you defantly need to explain calming that you need so much more commitment than what he has, going to other girls houses ect, hell no. dont put up with that. you need to tell him whats up. im sure you dont deserve to be dis respected and feeling the way you do. and make sure he spills his guts when you guys talk, it might answer things you never thought of.if your not planning on a future,its hard to say end it because you have his baby! but you should decide whats best for yourself and best for the baby, you dont have to be worst eniemes, but you could decide its best not to be together because he needs to grow up a little.goodluck, x
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
There was Rachel, there was Becky, there was Bella. And now he's left and you're pregnant. I think you're fighting a losing battle on this one. He's not been in this relationship at all. You're not doing anything wrong yourself, other than believing that this guy is worthy of you. He's not. He's not going to change. At all. He is a player, and there isn't a think you can do to stop it. You just can't. He's clearly not committed in the slightest, and to think that you can now bring him closer and get him to stop with these girls since he wouldn't stop before is, I'm afraid, not the right decision for you. You need this guy out of your life so you can focus on yourself and your baby. Make sure he pays for it, and if he's a good father don't stop him seeing it. But please don't try to change him or make him commit, because he's to going to and you're going to get even more hurt.
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