A
male
age
41-50,
*opefulbutlost78
writes:i was dating this girl for a while, but she hooked up with somone else, got pregnant,and basically started pretending i didnt exist. she ignored all my textes,and didnt answer her phone when i called.we were extremely close and my question is, feeling as betrayed as i do, how can i ever trust someone like that again?
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male
reader, Hopefulbutlost78 +, writes (22 March 2010):
Hopefulbutlost78 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank all of you for your responses.Usually, Im pretty self reliant,but it's been two months,and I can't seem to let this go.All of your reponses were helpful and I appreciate the feedback.Thanx!
A
male
reader, empty-1  +, writes (22 March 2010):
Trusting another persoan is taking the choice to make yourself deliberately vulnerable.
If we are to grow, from dependance through independance, onward to real interdependance, we must, at some point take that risk.
However, the time to do so, or even consider doing so is not now, when you are feeling the sharpness of the sting from so recent a betrayal... CaringGuy was right. Focus on your own life, and your own self right now. As you find yourse;f getting all of your ducks in a row, making more progress and success personally, professionally, financialy, you will also begin to notice yourself making progress and success emotionally.
When you are solid, secure, and ok with yourself, by yourself, THEN you can open your heart to the possibility of once again becoming attached to a potential life partner.
You will find that when this happens, the "right" person will very likely appear in your life with little fanfare or fuss. You will be completely moonstruck, and trusting her will come as naturally as breathing.
And because you have healed, and become able to both trust and respect yourself thoroughly, you will be much more able to interpret the signs and behaviors coming from others that will tell you whether or not they are trustworthy, respectful people. Further, your own self assured respect of yourself and others will help provide an example and atmosphere that will help people behave in more trustworthy and respectful fasions.
Yes, this is all fallable, and sometimes bad things can happen despite our best efforts. However, if gone about in a horse first, cart second fashion, we are much more likely to be able to get the horse to pull the cart all the way home!
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A
male
reader, dyeruz +, writes (22 March 2010):
Better you learn the type of person she is now than to find out later when you would have much more involved for example marriage. It's a cliché but time is a healer, be stronger brother.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 March 2010):
It's hard, but it can be done. My ex cheated on me on my birthday, which was a bit of downer. Just focus on your life and really throw yourself into work, going out with friends and such. You'll get there and you'll certainly find a better woman than you did before.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 You learn from your own mistakes and hopefully you wont commit the same mistakes twice.
One bad apple does not make the whole barrel bad. Not everyone is like her and to lump everyone together like her is a mistake.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 By realizing that everyone is different, and the fact that she had no respect for you or your feelings, doesn't mean that many other women out there won't.
Were there any signs before she did this? When you look back on things, are there things she did/said that when you think back to it was a sign of the person she is and the things she was capable of doing.
Like Vintage64 said, you need to give a chance to each new woman and relationship. You cannot treat the new person differently just because this girl did this to you. I almost lost someone because I was afraid to trust.
I think you should take some time for yourself to let this one go and get over it. When you meet someone new, take things slow and time will let you trust again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): When you get hurt I know it is hard to trust again.
What you need to do is not to carry your baggage from a past relationship forward into the next, each time you meet a new person, treat them on their own merits, not on what someone else had do to you in the past.
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