A
female
age
36-40,
*ooboobaybe69
writes:So I need some advice on if I can ever trust my Fiance again. To start we were having some problems back in October and we decided that we would be together but I went to stay with a friend for a week because I needed some time to sort things out. Once I came back home there was a lot of signs pointing to the fact that he may have cheated on me while I was gone, or at least attempted to. I asked him to please just tell me the truth, with no repercussions, that I just needed to know so we could move on. He swore to me on our children's lives that he never even attempted to. Then yesterday we brought his old phone in from a vehicle we cleaned out, and he switched phones in the middle of the time I was gone, I found out that he hit up his slut of an ex and told her he was single, there was a message to his friend saying "how come I get the feeling I'm going to F**k (another girl he used to sleep withs name). In the past asking him do you swear on the kids was how i could always get the truth, and now that I know he can lie on that to I don't know how I can ever trust him again. I love this man more than anything in the world, we are perfect for eachother, but will we ever recover from this, and be happy again?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): "In the past asking him do you swear on the kids was how i could always get the truth, and now that I know he can lie on that to I don't know how I can ever trust him again."You can't. If he's willing to sell out his own children so cheaply, you can never trust him again. (Not that you should be using your kids' lives as bargaining chips in the first place, as fishdish pointed out.) "I love this man more than anything in the world, we are perfect for eachother, but will we ever recover from this, and be happy again?"You can't be happy "again" because you were never really happy in the first place, you were infatuated with a charming con artist loser who told you everything you wanted to hear to make you feel "loved" so he could get you into bed, a goal at which he obviously succeeded. That you still profess to "love this man more than anything in the world" suggests you are unwilling to accept the reality of your "Fiance's" lack of character even when it slaps you in the face, as it does (and will continue to do so) with his behavior towards other women. His ex isn't the "slut," your loser baby daddy is for pursuing her as well as the other female he wants to "F**k." His ex isn't the one scheming to get out of bed with you to sleep with him, HE is, and he's willing to falsely swear on his kids' lives rather than admit wrongdoing.If you truly believe this cretin and you are "perfect for each other," then my sympathies go out to your kids as they are in for a rough childhood.
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 March 2012):
 Alright. Just because he expressed interest in other women on break doesn't mean he followed through on anything with them. And whether it's cheating depends on what you meant by break. Usually breaks mean no one is obligated to stay loyal to you when you've left. In my mind, using your children as swearing props to get the truth from your partner doesn't speak to a healthy, trust-filled foundation for a better relationship. I would consider seeing a couples counselor to help you two get back to a place where honesty, trust, and the issues you were sorting out without him, can be resolved together.
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 He's broken your trust.... a man who can swear blind that he didnt cheat on 5 of his kids lives has serious issues and wont change!
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (13 March 2012):
 I think the question isn't whether or not you can trust him again, but if you should. Sure, you love him, and he's the father of your children. Is that enough for you? Enough to live through the suspicion and the insecurities? Maybe he truly made a mistake, and is wanting to fix things and move forward. Maybe he regrets lying to you, and regrets what he did. Then again, methinks someone who was filled with regret may choose to be honest over lying. Ultimately the choice is up to you. I would talk to him, and I mean REALLY talk to him, and get it all out on the table, before you make any decisions. You have a lot more riding on this relationship than most people your age. All I know is that you shouldn't continue a relationship with him if he continues to lie to you.
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