A
male
age
41-50,
*ostInBristol
writes:I have been going out with my girlfriend for the past 10 months. Only recently she has moved back home to Wales and since then the relationship has seemed strained.She has been home for about a month and is now asking for space. Things have seemed strained for the past 2 weeks, but I don't know what has changed. She doesn't want to talk about the relationship at the moment becasue she feels she is not ready, but that makes me feel worse. I am deeply in love with her, but feel that I am losing her, she doesn't even seem the same person at the moment. It feels like she is deliberately trying to make things feel awkard between us when talking on the phone. She is having a hard time of things at the moment as her grandparents are both very ill in hospital, and I think that this strain is also not helping, but I don't know what to do, or how to cope with this. It is tearing me apart, and I could really do with some advice. Reply to this Question
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reader, LostInBristol +, writes (2 August 2007):
LostInBristol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy girlfriend is supposed to be calling me tonight to discuss things, I told her to take as much time as she needs to think things over, so at the moment I do not know whether she will call tonight. But I will keep everyone updated as to what finally happens. I really do hope some space will help her decide that I am the right person for her, but I have to agree with some of your answers, it is not lookign the most promising. Thanks everyone for replying so far...
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (1 August 2007):
Maybe you could get in touch and ask her if you could do anything to help out regarding her grand-parents. Show your concern as a friend and if the feelings from her are still there then you may get back on track in a few months.
In your shoes I wouldn't hold onto these holes to much though. I get the feeling here that she is distancing herself gradually to cool everything off a little. She is stepping away a little at a time to try to hurt you as least as she can.
I hope that you can get this back on track but by what you have said I get the feeling that she is cooling everything off and getting this one back to a friendship.
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A
male
reader, DanBing +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Wildlife dude is right! Time is a healer.
You really need to give her the space she needs. Dont contact her, let her contact you. The more you hassle her the worse it may get!
From there its 50/50
She either wnts to distant herself from you because she doesnt want to be with you anymore or is unsure (and the only way to make her sure is to give her the time)
She may just be stressed! Whats happening in her life may be getting to her and she needs alone time!
You never know 2/3 weeks down the line she may come to her senses and things will be good again but give her a chance to figure that out and a chance to miss you.
Worked for me! I was in a very similiar situation!
Hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, JonHD +, writes (1 August 2007):
 In truth this is an awkward situation she is doing very similar to what a previous girl did to me and i will vouch for you it does hurt a great deal and make you worry and often very paranoid.
From my opinoun may i suggest giving her some extra space, while not stop speaking to her by any extent or talking less, just keep things cheery but less detailed and deep. Let this thing with her grandparents get resolved, if she says shes not intrested any longer or wants to be with somebody else, while it may hurt for a time but you feel you are still in love with her make a trip to see her, a long trip true, one that will have you very worried but when you are standing there, face to face, and you tell her that you still love her and want to make it work, all the effort you put in for her might pay off and she will relise her feelings for you are still strong. Now this might not work and you will have that long journey home for it to play on your mind, but if you trully love this girl as i think you do then she is worth the effort no?
If her grandparents which i wish with all my heart dont, do in fact pass away you might find her very distraught and break up with you over that, but many girls handle that situation diffrently and if she looks to you for sympathy, still go up there to be with her, stay with her for a few days and make her see how much you do care for her and are there for her, if she breaks up with you though, give it a week and dont speak to her which i know will be very hard, but afterwards contact her and ask to meet up to talk.
In truth i believe the only way you can resolve this is standing with her and telling her that you still love her, that has a strong impact, alot more so than using phone or msn but the final choice of how to handle this is always yours ofcourse.
Take care
Jon
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (1 August 2007):
 At this point in time i would be inclined to give her some space and let things blow over a little.
She is back home in Wales and both her grandparents are ill in hospital so she has probably got other things on her mind other than relationship issues.
Give her the space she is asking for and let things settle down abit, then maybe try her in 2-3 weeks.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Wildlife dude  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Okay she's moved away, she's asked for space, she doesn't want to talk about the relationship. At a time when she should be reaching out to the person who loves her, she is pushing you away further. I think she may have fallen out of love with you, or met someone else. You should let her go. To hold onto something that is not yours to hold onto, is just torturing you. It's going to be difficult for you, but you must stop contacting her and try to focus your attention on other things; work, friends, hobbies. Time heals all wounds. Even this one.
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