A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend and I are freshmen in high school. She is a beautiful smart exotic girl who "loves" this total jerk. Before the summer when she first got a phone he would text her and say that he loved her and ask constantly if she wanted to meet and have sex. The worst thing about this was that he already had a girlfriend. He broke up with this girl though and got with my friend. They only met up once as her parents are very overprotective and they now go to different schools. When school started up one of her other friends caught him kissing another girl, and when my friend confronted him about it he said something like "yeah I'm so sorry I was drunk and we were playing truth or dare I'm so sorry I cut myself for a week because of it" and despite my pleadings for her to dump him she refused. Within a week he broke up with her and immediately started going out with someone else. During this time my friend still would refuse to get over him, saying that he would come back to her. Well, he did, he texted her saying that he was an idiot and that he still loved her or something like that, and she believed him and told me that they already had their kid's names picked out. A few days later he told her they couldn't be together because his parents wanted his grades up. And then she tells me he has another girlfriend already, because "his parents like her" but not to worry because he was going to break up with her asap. And then she comes to me today and tells me that he's still with her and keeps putting off leaving her, but that he WILL break up with her. I'm really scared for her and also very angry that she keeps falling for his lies. I don't want him to make her do something she'll regret, but whenever I try to say he's not the best she gets mad, but I don't feel right saying that everything is great. What should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 People don't usually learn from advice. We usually learn from wounds, blows, tears and the like. I'm afraid your friend will have to learn the hard way.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Well sweetheart, you have done what you can do. She knows how you feel about him, and she knows that you think he treats her horribly and that she deserves better. You have told her that, and unfortunately there is not much else you can tell her to make her have an epiphany. She needs to do that all by herself.
Do not say everything is great, just don't say anything. At most say once and finally, "you know how I feel about this and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I love you, and I'll always listen, but you know my opinion". Don't tell her what she wants to hear and and succumb to enabling this relationship. That isn't friendship. Real friends are true to your best health and happiness. Hopefully one of these break ups will finally take and she comes out of this relationship in one piece. Be there. Support her. But that doesn't mean you have to support this guy or this relationship. Be honest when asked directly, but otherwise don't sit around chit chatting about the latest drama. Go to the movies or something.
Good luck! We've all had "this" friend in the shitty relationship. And I think a lot of us have also been "this" friend - defensive and in denial about a crapbag boyfriend. This will be a life lesson for her.
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