A
female
age
30-35,
*anyouhelpme
writes:i need help... hi i am asking your help to convinceing my bf to get me pregnant but its not working. he does not want to have children or get marryed but i would like to some day soon for children and marry later on...he is 27 and i am 19 i know it might sound young to some but i can look after a little one by myself, due to my best friend and family who have had kids.but how can i convince him do?do i lie and say i am on the pill?or say dont worry my period is due soon?i do not like to lie but if someone. Can you give me help to convince him? would be much liked lol.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 how would you feel if he was posting on here "how do I convince my gf to let me get her pregnant, I want a baby and she does not but once the baby is born she's done and I won't need her in any way shape or form to help me"?
YOU cannot and should not make someone do something against their will. HE DOES NOT WISH TO IMPREGNATE YOU. Respect the man and abide by his wishes
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2011):
 I think you really need to reconsider this. Maybe he is JUST not the guy for you.
Also looking after a baby is not the same as being able to raise one. Finacially. I have 3, they are expensive.
You might not leave him, but have you considered that HE might leave you? Specially if he figures out you did it on purpose. Then what? You will get childsupport from him, but nothing else. He will possibly resent you and the child, not fair on a baby. For it to grow up knowing that his/her father wished he/she never exsisted. Child support is a drop in the ocean as far as costs goes for a baby/child.
Some people just don't want to be a parent.You can make a man a father, but you can't force him to be a Daddy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 OP, I have got the feeling you haven't even read the posts or you haven't taken in anything of what you have been told.
The bad joke on him would be PRECISELY the fact that you would NOT be leaving him, after tricking him into getting you pregnant.You'd pressure him or guilt-trip him into staying with you to take care of a baby he never wanted to begin with - and of a woman who has deceived and manipulated him.
If you had planned to get yourself pregnant and split, that would be still unscrupolous but more acceptable, because you'd be taking full responsibility of your actions and their consequences.
But since you want and need help to raise this child, - basically you'd be fobbing off YOUR responsibility to someone else.
If you can't see absolutely anything even vaguely wrong in that,or at least a bit questionable, I am afraid that our life visions may be too opposite, for me to be able t saying anything that would make sense to you.
As for claiming benefits, you wouldn't now, but ( touch wood again ) you might NEED to ,in future, not all circumstances are always under our control.
And, what about your relationship with the guy, would it be intact after this little joke ?. Maybe not. maybe he'd stay there and help you out of duty, but are you sure he'll feel the same about you if you make a fool out of him ? chances are he will be pissed and come to mightly resent you, haven't you thought about that ?
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A
female
reader, canyouhelpme +, writes (11 September 2011):
canyouhelpme is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan you at 19 afford a baby by yourself? not at this point in time no, but when i meant i can look after one i did not mean by myself.Your age difference is too great and your way to young i might be too young in your eyes but i act older than iam.some words have helped me but some have not as most of u get the wrong end of the stick,i was not going to leave him n say ha u got me preg i leaving n u wont see your child again, i would stay with him n bring the child up with him, n i dont glam benfinets as i nt that sick like most people
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 September 2011):
Don't lie and don't trick him, that is just dispicable!
What is the big hurry?
If he doesn't want kids, he DOESN'T want kids. You need to grow up a little and respect his wishes, if you desperately want children now, find someone who is on the same page instead of forcing your BF into fatherhood.
Can you at 19 afford a baby by yourself?
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A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (10 September 2011):
You dont. End of story. Your age difference is too great and your way to young!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): My brother's girlfriend did this to him, tricked him into having a child when he had made it perfectly clear to her that he did not want children. It is a very cruel thing to do to a man, and there will be resentment on his part. You are only thinking about your wants and needs, can I ask you about his wants/needs or that of the child you are planning to have? Every child has a right to have their father in their life, and every person deserves respect. You want him to respect your right to want children, you need to respect his right not to have children. If you want to have one that badly, then I am afraid that your only option really is to end your relationship and find a man who wants children. You can't convince someone to want to have a child, just like he can't convince you not to want a child. Please do not force him to become a father if he doesn't want to be one, just as you don't want to be forced into doing anything you don't want to do, it is a terrible thing to do to a man. I hate the thought that someone else would have to go through what my brother has had to go through, it is painful and cruel. Why would you do that to someone you love.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 September 2011):
Oh gosh, I would not want to be in your bf's shoes right know, knowing which kind of surprises you 'd have no scruples springing on him. A nice "pill accident " and voila', he's going to have a baby whether he likes it or not. Urgh.
Please don't do it. First, it's morally horrible, what would you feel if the shoe were on your foot ? If a guy ,for instance, would trick you into an unwanted pregnancy by telling you:no worries babe, no need for birth control, I had a vasectomy ?
Second, it does not mean squat if you are able to raise the child by yourself, he'd still have moral, legal and financial obligations regardless, which he never asked for. What if you change your mind in a few years and/or need money, he'd still have to pay for child support. What if ( touch wood touch wood ) you die or become severely disabled or end up in jail...
he'd be the one responsible for taking care of this child.
I really see no reason for such a rush, you are only 19 . You surely have quite some time to see if he changes his
mind- and if he's really adamant and won't change , YOU can change bf and find someone who'd actually want to have kids from you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 September 2011):
 I think your B/F is quite smart to avoid pregnancy with you. I'd guess that he is looking at this picture far more maturely than you are.... AND, if you persist, don't be surprised if he simply walks away from you.....
Having a baby is a bit more complicated that getting a puppy at the shelter.....
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Your boyfriend has every right to pursue the kind of life he wants for himself and you have no right to swindle or coerce him out of it. He has made the decision that's right for him and you'll just have to accept it.Children want and need fathers and the absence of one can have a profound effect on them. Most men actually want to be involved in their children's lives and those denied the chance suffer. Having chilren with a man who truly wants them benefits everyone, including you.Apart from the obvious moral and financial responsibilities associated with having children, there are also legal ones. Men are keenly aware that a woman may want to raise a child alone now, but she can change her mind any time and he can be pursued to the ends of the Earth for retroactive child support payments. And if she's living on the dole the state will insist upon it.'Looking after a little one' is what babysitters do. Providing a safe and healthy home and raising one to be the best person they can be is entirely different. Relying on family and a close friend is hardly doing it by yourself. And the last thing the hard working, tax paying community needs is to foot the bill for yet another unwed, self indulgant, frivolous young girl who wants to play house. The first act of a caring mother is to ensure she can provide her children with what they need to thrive. Animals in the wild do as much. You're young so you have plenty of time to prepare. Get yourself ready financially and acquire some valuable life experience that you can pass on to your future son or daughter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): Definitely don't lie to him or trick him!! That would be a very despicable thing to do.If he doesn't want to have kids with you, then I'm sorry but you have to honor his decision and end this relationship and move on if you absolutely must have kids now. by asking him to be the father of your child, you are asking a lot of him. Even if you say he doesn't have to help bring up the child, that's not the point. The point is that it's a very heavy thing for a guy to know that he's the father of someone. He may very well want to be a father some day but only if the conditions are right. And you telling him but how about these alternative conditions? is not the same thing.He's stated very clearly doesn't want to father a child with you so you just need to respect his wishes and not push him and certainly don't lie to him or trick him!!If you really really want to have a kid now and can't wait another few years (because in a few years he might be ready, you know), then the only honorable thing to do is to break up with him and move on to find another bf who is on the same page as you and doesn't require begging or lying or tricking to become the father of your child.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (10 September 2011):
 I'm not trying to judge you here. If he doesn't want kids, then he doesn't want kids. Whether you're going to raise him/her yourself isn't the point. If he gets you pregnant, he will have a child which is something he doesn't want. And even if you are okay with possibly raising it by yourself, how do you think it'll be for him knowing that somewhere in the world he has a child that he's not taking care of and never planned to have? That will cross his mind everyday. And he will resent you for lying and tricking him. And the child might end up hating him because he assumed no responsibility for him. Even though he should be taking care of his child whether he wanted them or not. Don't put him through this. The child shouldn't be born when both of you don't want them. This is a decision both of you need to agree on. And it seems like he's not changing his mind. Why not go to a sperm donor instead where you don't have to convince anyone that this is a good idea?
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