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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend always seemed to like my body. But he was very critical yesterday. There are things I can change, but there's one that I can't: my breasts. Full B's. But he says he'd prefer they were bigger. He says I look good anyway, but if they were a bit bigger they'd be better. There aren't any sexual problems and he NEVER mentioned surgery (which I wouldn't have). I asked him, and he said he knows some girls who have bigger breasts than me.Now, I don't care if other men like small breasts. I care about him, it's his opinion that matters, and his opinion that made me feel bad. I don't like the idea of him looking at other girls and drooling over their breasts. I know it's love that matters, but I don't like the fact that he thinks I'm "enough" and not "the best".
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female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle  +, writes (15 October 2008):
Tell him you'd like him to have a bigger "manhood" since you know boys who are bigger!!! He's an idiot.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Shrug, make similar comments about his penis size. That you wished it was bigger. That it is enough, but if it was longer/thicker it would be better. That you know some guys with bigger penisses.
See how he likes it.
Be careful, he might just be thoughtless, but making downgrading comments like this, making you feel like you are barely enough, can be used to make you more dependent on him. He is making you feel bad about yourself, you might have talked yourself into thinking it is okay for him to say that you would be a better GF with bigger tits but is it?
Would he accept the same comments about his body? Try it. 100% certain that he will NOT like it all.
So why do you allow him to get away with it. Controlling/abusive partners often use comments like these to get the other person to feel they barely deserve the relationship. To make it seem like they should be grateful their partner puts up with them, regardless of their shortcomings.
You may disagree, but I see a first warning sign of a future abusive relationship. I might be completely wrong, but it just doesn't sit well with me.
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A
female
reader, Misguided  +, writes (2 October 2008):
First of all, your boobs are fine. Second of all, had that been me I would have made a commet toward his man hood and seen if he could take a dose of his own critism. However, your other half was totally rude and inconsiderate about your feelings. Did he apologize for hurting you? Love is about making scarifices sometimes, but not at the cost of you emotions and dignity. If he can't accept the fact that you re made the way you are, then maybe he's not worth your time. Also, remember opinions are like pimples, everyone gets them from time to time.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (2 October 2008):
 lol birdynumnums, exactly! I would bet shed loads of money on there being shit loads of women with bigger boobs than this poster. And I would bet shed loads of money on there being shit loads of women with smaller ones too. What does he want her to do, feel guilty for that fact?? then go get implants???? what a complete bozo.
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (2 October 2008):
 I don't think that other girls have bigger boobs than you, you are dating the biggest boob of all!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (2 October 2008):
He sounds like a right shallow twit! thats putting it politely because we wouldn't want to get banned now would we! When you have moved on from this dippit you will realise that you attracted a cock for a brief period there trust me. At the moment you wont know what we are saying.
C xxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): Sure there's girls with bigger boobs than you, and there will be girls with bigger boobs than them and so on up the line until you get to the likes of Lolo Ferrari.
He's not happy with what you've got so he's treating you like second or third best! Why put up with that?
Trust me, there's nothing at all wrong with a B cup, but if he's not happy with what you've got I'd tell him to take a hike, the insensitive git!
His opinion is the one that matters, and it's that opinion which caused you some upset. Take a step back and tell me you REALLY love this jerk. You could do better for yourself.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 The real problem is that your boyfriend is not treating you with respect. Actually, at school today, my students and I had a discussion today about something very similar. We talked about what it means to love someone, and we all agreed that it means to accept someone for who they are, and that true, mutual love transcends any perceived imperfections or defects.
Don't get me wrong! I'm not saying that being a B cup is a defect... there is no superior/inferior when it comes to breast sizes, it's about preferences. In Spanish we say "en gustos se rompen generos" some people like red hair, some like blondes, some prefer B cups, some prefer DDD, some prefer A. Your boyfriend is saying that he prefers bigger breasts. He's being inconsiderate of your feelings! If he loves you, he shouldn't be saying things to make you feel inadequate. You say that you don't care that other men like small breasts, and that you wouldn't have surgery. I understand that you don't feel inferior, but that his love and approval means a lot to you. It is true that you can change breast size with surgery but I realize that it is important to you that he accept you as you are.
However, you want to know how to convince him to accept you as you are. I don't mean to ignore your question, but your boyfriend is comparing you to other girls, and telling you that you're not good enough. If he doesn't realize that it is very hurtful when someone compares you to someone else, or makes comments that suggest that you're inferior... he's headless! If he DOES realize how hurtful these comments are... then why is he making them??
I think that you need to stand up to your boyfriend, and ask him if he realizes how these comments make you feel. Ask him why he is saying these things to you. I think that you need to lay out all your feelings on the table before him. Only then can you have closure.
You can't force someone to change their opinion but you can open up their eyes to the facts, and the fact is, that if he loves you then he should be understanding and considerate of your feelings.
I know that this won't change his mind about your boob size, but you could always tell him that you know of several guys who are, to put it delicately, more endowed in the guy department. Or you could compare his looks to those of other men. Ask him why he can't be as handsome as Gael Garcia Bernal, or tell him that lenny Kravitz has a sexier voice. Give him a taste of his own medicine... at least he'll understand how he's making you feel. If he's worth dating, then he'll apologize for hurting your feelings, whether you convince him that your boobs are the "right" size (there's no "right" size, by the way) or not.
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