A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I a year a 25 year old male with a new girlfriend who is 21 years old. We have been going out for about three months. After the first week of dating the subject of sex came upShe told me that she had bad sexual experiences with her last boyfriend, and since then she has turned to using sex toys to satisfy her sexual need. How can I convince her to give up her sex toys and have intercourse with me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2013):
 one does not preclude the other...
masturbation does not take away from intercourse or being sexual with your partner.
when she is ready to have sex with you she will. that does not mean she has to or should give up her toys.
would you give up masturbation if she asked?
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 I think you should let her keep her toys, and use them when you have intercourse. It'll probably make her feel more confident. Plus, if she really needs them (like a lot of girls do), then you should definitely let her keep them or else she'll be sexually unsatisfied/frustrated and think you are a horrible boyfriend :P You should probably start by maybe watching her use them or helping her use them to get her comfortable with the idea of having intercourse with you.
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A
male
reader, dylan co  +, writes (10 February 2013):
Maybe you suggest using the toys on her and see where it goes.
Something must have happened badly in her past so trust is crucial
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 February 2013):
For her to choose sex toys over the real thing is a pretty big deal- beyond the scope of you "convincing" her.
A better idea would be to find someone you're compatible with and let her do the same.
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A
male
reader, Passherby +, writes (10 February 2013):
Where is she expecting this relationship to go? Is she waiting for marriage or does she likes hanging out with you as a buddy? I'd get clear on that aspect first.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 February 2013):
 well first of all, she'll sleep with you when she's good and ready. it's not something you should "convince" her of.
second of all, why should she have to give them up? she can have sex with you, and still keep her toys, can't she? or she might want to use them every once in a while while being with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): "How can I convince her to give up her sex toys and have intercourse with me?"
As easily as she can convince you to give up masturbation. In other words, you are asking the impossible.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 It's not an either/or situation. For most women a vibrator is basically the equivalent of lube to a guy. Many can't even orgasm without one or take such a long time it's essentially not worth trying.
The rest depends on what bad experience means. If we're talking about sexual assault, it's a really hard thing for a woman to be able to trust a guy enough to have sex after that. She would need to go to therapy to try to cope with that and you'd just need to be patient.
If bad experience just means terrible sex, offer to use the vibrator on her during sex or have her use it on herself.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 February 2013):
 You're 25, right? Is it safe to assume you've had a past relationship with other girls? Let me ask you something, when you were sexually active with whoever you were with, did you give up your hand as well? You're telling me that you didn't masturbate at all when you have a girlfriend?
You're not in competition with her sex toys, and just like you won't stop using your hands, she won't stop even if she decides to have sex with you.
My suggestion is patience. When she's good and ready, it'll happen.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 February 2013):
You're 25, right? Is it safe to assume you've had a past relationship with other girls? Let me ask you something, when you were sexually active with whoever you were with, did you give up your hand as well? You're telling me that you didn't masturbate at all when you have a girlfriend?
You're not in competition with her sex toys, and just like you won't stop using your hands, she won't stop even if she decides to have sex with you.
My suggestion is patience. When she's good and ready, it'll happen.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 That really depends what these bad experiences were. If it was something traumatic she is going to need time to trust you, that means no pressure, lots of communication and generally being a great boyfriend.
If it was something more trivial like he was bad in bed then you just need to talk about it and then get her in the mood.
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