A
male
age
30-35,
*nickx
writes:Sorry in advance that this is so long. Here's something I'd like some advice on. I've been thinking about this a bit, and it's just been something on my mind the last few days and something I'd like answered.I started talking to this girl the Thursday before easter. I didn't see her again until the next tuesday (which isnt really important). We had great just casual talks, and we did all that week. Now this next bit is important. She was making efforts to talk to me, to see me throughout the day. She took a new route to class that week just to say hi to me and to talk and smile and just have fun. Things were going pretty great, especially since all I wanted to do is to be friends in the first place.I gave her my number and she texted me later that nite and we talked for a while. Again went off great.Again, next bit is important.She asked me to hang out, which would have been either this sat or sun. She was at her friend's house all sat, and I had to work sun, so it didn’t happen. We talked all weekend, went off with out a hitch, probably for three hours each day, total of 9.So I figured, hey. Shes making an effort to see me in school, she asked me to hang out, I’ll return the favor and hang out with her in school whenever possible.So I did. Keep in mind that the idea of dating her never crossed my mind (well it did but it wasn’t my priority. I just like to talk to people) until she asked me to hang out.Mondays when it got weird. When I got to school, I went to stand by her, and she went away. I said just jokingly that she was being weird and tried to tease her, but she just kinda brushed me off and said yep. I texted her later that nite and she said it was because she thought I liked her, and I said well, recently I was thinking about it. didn’t say that it was cause she asked me to hang out, didn’t want to put the blame on her. So after I told her how I felt I figured heh, whats the worst that could happen, in fact, almost sure its sure because she asked me to hang out. So I asked if shed consider dating me now or sometime down the road, and she said ‘idk yet. I just got out of a bad relationship’So then I didn’t understand her thinking ( I took it basically as rejection cause shes an extremely sweet girl and def would not want to hurt my feelings) because why whould she want to hang out with me if she had no intentions of dating me, and ‘bad relationship’ is pretty much a classic cop out. Until I found out what I found out next.At lunch that day, I found out that just last week her ex broke up with her, and cheated on her so I understood, cause it happened to me before. So I figured id back off a little, give her space, talk to her maybe later this week.Well, yesterday, just so happens shes in my gym class, (shes a freshman, im a sophomore) as is my best friend (also a sophomore) and he can also be a jerk.He doesn’t see what I see in her, and so after he found out that we were going to hang out, and realized she was in our gym, he decided to have a little fun.Now, not that im a jerkish person, but usually when he is obnoxious not that I join in but I atleast laugh, because its someone I don’t particularly care for. Hes never done to someone I actually cared about even a little, and I didn’t know what to do.I should have stuck up for her but I didn’t. All I did was retaliate at him by calling him ass hole and faggot, and shut the f*** up. Of course he didn’t.I was mortified, im sure she was embarrassed because she was in the weightroom, as most of the girls are and do absolutely nothing. We went there because gym has been getting tiresome because weve been doing basket ball the last 6 weeks atleast, so we went just to blow time. Anyways im sure she was embarresed because she was on a machine laying down (leg curls) and he was making tons of sexual I guess you could call them slurs I don’t even know. Basically his rant went something like this “Come on she’s all ready in the right position, just…” well you know the rest. Stuff like that. And saying “hit that”at every chance he got and go talk to your girlfriend (even tho we weren’t dating, and things were stressed between us already anyways.) And her name a lot too. And it was less of a say and more of a yell, because it was loud enough the whole room could hear him. I didn’t make eye contact the maybe 15 minutes before some of my female friends came in who were also board and told us we should play volley ball with them, and I forced him to go with us.She didn’t make eyecontact with me. I left the room and as soon as gym was over, I got my phone, which was locked in my locker (otherwise I would have done this sooner) and apologized for his behaviour. She didn’t respond. And she always did immediately.I was too embarrassed for her to talk to her face, and for shure she didn’t want to talk to me.I texted her later last nite and asked if she got my message and she said yeah, but she couldn’t talk right now. I haven’t talked to her since, and its oretty clear shes upset with me.So I told my best friend the deal with her ex, and his reply to me was ‘that’s what your d*** is for.’ Really I was kinda stunned cause hes never done anything like this about anyone I cared about (like I said, very much of a jerk about other people) but probably because I told him that it wasn’t like that between me and her, and basically told him I didn’t care about her in an effort to shut him up, so him figuring if I didn’t care, hed do it for a cheap laugh.Anyways, she's probably devastated, and I'm not the kinda person that likes people even upset at me. Everyone likes me, very likable guy. But she didn’t know me that well, and after getting upset with me for being around her to much, then this im almost sure she doesn’t even want to be friends with me anymore.I want to talk to her, and im almost never shy around girls (letalone anyone) but this is different, a lot.Talking to her could make it worse, not talking wont fix anything. Time might heal it a little, but I don’t see it that much.And like I said, shes a very sweet girl, beautiful smile and laugh. Great personality. And I would like to even just be friends with her, because she's an amazing person to talk to.And because of all that I’m worried shes quite delicate and vulnerable now, especially after what her ex did to her.Im real worried that I (buy not sticking up for her after what my friend did) hurt her bad, and im not dealing with it too well. Got almost no sleep last nite worried about it, cause id hate to hurt anyone, well actually a guys a different story, but id never do anything to hurt a girl. Heck, I’ll do anyting for any girl, even if I don’t know them that well.So basically looking for advice on how to confront her to help make it better, and maybe her ideology on asking me to hang out, then getting mad at me for hanging around her in school?I’ll be watching this one for a while cause its that important to me so anyone and everyone help is appreciated. I’ll be giving updates, and also, tomorrow is the next time I’ll see her in gym because of all these incidents, wont see her again probably, unless things improve greatly, until Tuesday so any info (especially from females) even until tomorrow, cause I can check first period, are especially appreciated, cause id like this one over asap.Thanks in advance,xnickx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (12 July 2009):
xnickx is verified as being by the original poster of the question hey sorry... if your still waiting for a response sorry. i havent visited this site in a long time...
Well, by now i've moved on, but it ended on the premise that she still wouldnt talk to me, her friends still insisted that she liked me (yet by the end grew slightly annoyed at me)
I still dont know why, and i still havent talked to her... Maybe when school starts again ill become friends but nothing more.
Already wasted enough time and energy begging her to talk to me, there are many more fish in the sea
Thanks for you help/advice (and no sarah, i was not blowing it out of proportion, she simply would not open up to me)...
Well thats all then,
Nick
A
female
reader, PrincessSarah  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 dude, youre blowing this way outta proportionyour friend is clearly a dick and thats reflected badly on you, i think she feels embaressed more than anythingtalk to her, youll know what to say when u see her but dont make this more of an issue than it already isi hope everything works out for you
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Nick...there are some grown MEN who could really use you as a model for their own behavior.First, you stated "shes a very sweet girl, beautiful smile and laugh. Great personality. And I would like to even just be friends with her, because she's an amazing person to talk to." TELL HER THIS!!!!Apologize for your wrong doings. Text it to her if you don't want to tell her face to face and believe me, she will read the text (even if she doesn't respond).Next, get the heck away from that bad influence of a jerk you are around. Sweetie, he is dragging you down and making you look bad. I think after the apology, and telling her the nice things you think about her, give it a little time and she will start talking to you again. She has some emotional scars from being cheated on and she is gonna need time to heal from that first, offer to be her friend and help her through it.If you need to, send me a private message and I will help you the best I can. Nick, I wish you luck!
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