A
female
age
30-35,
*xshaunaxx
writes:Let me first of all apologize for this being long...So me and this one guy like each other and have gotten to be best friends. I have fallen in love with him. We have talked about dating, but he says once he gets everything that he is going through sorted out (this will probably be a few months). We haven't seen each other for a few weeks because he has moved back in with his mom in order to sort this all out but we talk on the phone every night, for hours and hours (on weekdays until 2am, on weekends until around 5am).First of all, i think in order to understand this, you need to know a bit about his past... which wasnt very good, AT ALL. His parents had beat him and locked him in closets as a child. A few years ago, he was kidnapped, tortured, and left to bleed to death in a ditch. Very thankfully, he did live! A couple months ago, he moved out of his house and moved up here to get out of the hell that he was living in. He was staying with his grandmother, then she kicked him out (he didnt do anything wrong, she just doesnt like the other side of his family or something like that). So then he went to live with his best friend. everything was fine until his best friend screwed him over and he got kicked out yet again... so now he has moved back in with his mom to get his GED and his licence basically, he really has a lot of problems, both mentally and physically.Mentelly- he has a lot of trust issues (he only trusts two or three people, and he has informed me that i am one of them).Physically- from the massive stress from his childhood, he has a heart problem (40 year old heart in a 17 year old), and an esophagus problem (his throat will almost close all the way up at times from swelling.I already knew about his past, but lately on the phone he has been opening up to me and talking about it a lot more. I am grateful that he feels comfortable to open up to me like this, because he always tries to hide his pain(infact he never even told me about his past until we had known each othere for several months) but last night he was really talking about all the physical problems and i realized how hard he really has it. I feel so bad, i just want to take all his pain away (he was in a lot of it last night), i would take his place in an instant if i could...Basically, when he tells me about his past and everything, i have no idea what to say to him about it. what can i say to him? i have no idea! i cant relate to any of his past at all (i guess you could say i had the "perfect childhood"). I am in love with him and i would do anything for him and all i want right now, is for him to be happy and get better.-what can i tell him when he talks about it?-is there any way i can help him?-how can i tell him that i am there for him no matter what?thank you in advance for your help!33 shauna
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female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 February 2008):
 The fact that he is continually opening up more and more is a good sign that you are saying the right thing now.I think when we open up to people, there is no set response we are expecting to hear - it's just having someone to listen, to care.He has told you he trusts you, I think he already knows you are there for him no matter what.I don't think there is any way that you can help him deal with his past, that is something that should be left to a professional - all you can do is make his present wonderful.Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, xxshaunaxx +, writes (10 February 2008):
xxshaunaxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the quick response.his mom was a part of the abuse, but he has told me it has completely stopped and everything is different now that he is back there again.he refuses to go see a psychologist or anything like that because he has been before and things didnt work at all.and social services have been contacted before but he was just one of those cases to slip through the cracks...and he knows that his future doesnt have to be bad. that is why he is working so hard right now to get everything fixed.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 February 2008):
 His being able to open up to you is a good sign with your relationship with him. Sometimes just being there is greater than telling him you will. He knows it, your actions prove it.
He's had a very tramatic life. I bet it was hell for him growing up. Is his mom part of this abuse as well? If so, I don't think moving in with her would be a positive move for him to partake in. It sounds to me as if social services needs to be involved. If abuse happens, action needs taken.
If I were you I'd talk him into seeing sommeone. It is extremely important that he receives psychiatric treatment. Traumatic pain is a growth. The longer it's not dealt with, the bigger it grows. He also needs to develop an understanding that all though his past was hell and very hard, it doesn't mean his future has to be.
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