A
female
age
41-50,
*omeonjesusthishurtstoomuch
writes:i have been in one bad relationship after another, i can't seem to break the cycle! i don't know if there is something wrong with me that i'm attracted to these same type of men but they are all alike. how can i turn my tastes to a different sort so i can stop getting hurt? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Ouch. That new information is tough. I'm not going to lie, having five kids and living in a small town, on the cusp of 30, is a pretty substantial handicap in the dating game.
The best I can do for you is encourage you to keep trying. It may be hard to find time, once you've taken care of your kids each day, and in the end success is not guaranteed. Wish I could tell you more. But failure is not guaranteed either, if you don't give up and work to continually improve. If and when you find someone good, love them for all their flaws, if they're doing the same for you.
Your best best is to identify all the things you look for in guys, and narrow it down to the aboslutely vital traits for a surrogate father/husband. Loyalty and some level of financial stability (not necessarily success, just stability) are the two that come to mind. Think of everything else as a bonus, and good luck.
A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (17 December 2010):
comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you all very much i keep falling for the wrong ones live in a small town mostly drug addicts and i have to watch them fall over and over because i wear my heart on my sleeve so i try to pick them up over and over and yes i thought about church because jesus is my everything and i want a man who is saved but i keep askin myself what man would want a 28 year old mother of 5 my heart is crying please help and yes i said 5 lol
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 December 2010):
There's nothing wrong with you. Most girls are attracted to the wrong type of guy their whole lives; the only difference is between the ones who learn early and the ones who learn late.
Understand the difference between guys who are attractive right off the bat and guys who become attractive once they've gotten to know you.
Guys who know how to attract women (like you) right away have options. The ones who have options and are ready for a relationship are quickly taken off the market. Guys like that who are still on the market have a high (though not 100%) chance of being players.
I understand that many women's fantasy is to tame a player, and maybe that's yours, but it's not a very wise investment of your time. Better to take the time with guys who intially seem a little shy, until they're confident enough to be funny and charming around you. Try churches, classes, clubs, and mutual friends. Give the slow starters a chance. And don't put out until the fourth or fifth date, just to filter out the players.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 This was a tough one for me for many years, so I emphathize with your plight.
For me I have found the only solution to be expecting more from yourself, developing your own skills and attributes - and not looking so much for approval from any man.
When you set high personal standards and present yourself as the commodity that you are then you shouldn't be attracted this types of men. As with everything you will get the occasional bad apple, but if you are establishing EARLY on in a relationship that you have high expectations from yourself AND your partner, the losers and the players will drop out knowing that they can't meet them or don't want to work hard enough to try.
A real man who cares about you will rise to the challenge.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Have you tried a church setting? Many of us guys in Christian churches believe in treating women with respect and dignity. Also southern men were more likely brought up to have respect for women(It was beat into us by our dads-we never had a choice). don't give up not all men treat women badly..some of us tend to believe women are to be worshippped and therefore are polite to a fault. You know opening car doors and such. keep looking, it's not you it's the men you've been finding in all the wrong places(as the song goes0.
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