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female
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anonymous
writes:is it ok to have sex on the first date/night you meet someone?? recently i haven't had a lot of sex, its been almost 6 months, and although i thoroughly enjoy it, i feel the need to get out there and have a few one night stands..ive been chatting to guys i know from facebook and they've been asking me to meet up wit them for sex, and as much as i'd love to i am having second thoughts about it. I do like chatting to them and i'm worried that once i have sex with them, that they will all class me as 'the girl who has sex on the first night'.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 December 2010):
 OP, sorry for the confusion, there was no age range given, and based on the way you wrote the queston, it sounded like a much younger, inexperienced person.
If you want to have one-night stands, then by all means, do so. But then you cannot be surprised if you are known as a girl willing to have one-night stands. You can't have it both ways.
You have to determine your own morality. If you don't want to be known as a one-night stand girl, then don't have them. If you are 23 and presumably have some experience in life, I'm a little puzzled as to why this is problematic for you.
If you poll 100 people on this, some percentage will say NEVER have casual sex, some will say casual sex is fine, just be upfront with future sex partners about your sexual past, some will say casual sex is fine, it's no one's business but your own. But at the end of the day, of what use is this poll to you? You know you're going to get mixed answers and ultimately, it's up to you to decide.
As you know these guys, and are chatting about having casual sex, then I guess they assume you are looking for casual sex. It's not rocket science. If you meet up with them and have sex on the first night, then naturally, you will be classed as a girl who has sex on the first night. I honestly don't see what is so hard to understand about that.
If you want a bit of fun, go have a bit of fun. Just remember that your actions may have consequences, and some of those consequences are beyond your control. Such as what people will class you as later on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your posts and opinions on my question some of you have been really helpful.i would just like to clear a few things up though..
@ Tisha - these men that i talk to on facebook i do actually know, i've known them in person first before i added them on facebook.
there are a few of you that have mentioned that i should jump right in on the first date because it may eliminate any future possibility of a relationship. This is not something i want at the minute i am only 23 and i'm not quite ready yet to settle down. all i want is to get myself out there and have a bit of fun..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): I agree with anon. below me, but think it necessary to note that just as plenty will lie about their sexual past, for different reasons, yet plenty never do at all, no matter anything at all. Female and MALE alike.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): A friend of mine used to do this, sex with anyone on the first date. She actually thought this was "normal" because of family circumstances (parents slept around a lot, and I do mean "a lot", in a destructive home environment). Sex was the way to have fun.She became widely regarded as "trash" was "good enough to be fucked" and "not good enough for marriage", and word got around because guys do talk and their later girlfriends talk.When she got older she started to try to settle down, but nobody that she was attracted to would commit to her, she slept with them on the first date, and had lots of sexual partners in her history. She was "not good enough" and their sisters, mothers, fathers, friends, and everyone else had "better" women in mind for them. These guys just couldn't get past it when they compared their sister-in-laws or wives of their male friends to her. She was in love with a guy, whose sisters and sisters in law just viewed her as "cheap trash"" and "not good enough for my brother or brother in law".Fair, not by a long shot. She was and is a wonderful person. Loving, kind, gentle, and intelligent, very attractive physically.I married her. I feel like I won the marriage lottery, seriously. I'd not trade her for the most chaste virgin. But, that's not how she was and is viewed by others who couldn't get past that history.Men are like that.As are a lot of women.Frankly, I think women are worse about it and many of them "lie like a rug" about their own sexual history to minimize it...to the point that married virgins can deliver 5 or 6 children before they've had sex, or parsing things to "well it wasn't sex, we only did oral a few hundred times and he withdrew each time before he ejaculated so it doesn't count".They are like this about women who have sex to easily, they "devalue" that person in their minds, and I think they feel threatened by them in their own relationships because they think that this "easy" woman will get their husband's dick hard and his mind wandering, and therefor they try to marginalize them by disparagement. Which disparagement, I might add, makes these women a bit more attractive to their own male partners who get to thinking about them "wow, wonder what she is like if she's done all that".Complex psychosocial area.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Depends on what you're looking for. If it's hookups, that's your business, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
Take it from a guy, 99% of the time if you put out on the first date, you have eliminated yourself from the "potential relationship" list. Some guys will cross you off from that list, but still act like boyfriends for the easy sex, without meaning it.
Further, word gets around. Putting out to early will attract more propositions from guys who think of you as easy. And, whether it's fair or not, having too many one-night stands will reduce the number of guys willing to consider you relationship material in the future. Many otherwise nice and decent guys will resent having to work for sex from the "first night girl" once she's decided she wants a real relationship.
I'd say don't do it, but if you do, go into it with both eyes open to the results.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): No attachment sex, one-night stands, casual sex, FWB's, hooking up for SEX only dates, indicates one thing and one thing only, not my personal findings on this, but of eminent psychologists who study the sexuality of men and women, for which I also use in my own work.Men and women who search online through social networking sites, FB, MSN, who's ONLY intent is to find people for sex, interacting on a regular basis online for sex only, indulging in perhaps 'virtual sex', to exchanging half-naked images, who then go on to have one-night stands with someone they know absolutely nothing about, in terms of their previous sexual history, character, personal qualities, who will certainly a higher risk in terms of STD's or any other sexually transmitted diseases, then this is not a healthy outlook physically or emotionally.Of the young men and women who see this as fun, it is a fact, the majority who do seek this type of connection, are usually suffering from low-self esteem, have little self-respect, have had dysfunctional family backgrounds in one way or another. Extending to being emotionally dysfunctional, unable to connect other than for the physical. This applies to all who do this on a regular basis, who don't see sex as part of a relationship, but as a commodity.As one person said on here, if sex with attachment wasn't the ideal, where two people emotionally connect too, then there would be brothels on every street corner, but there isn't because regardless of the people who want to look at ONE-NIGHT STANDS and SEX with people as though they're popping out for pizza, it isn't! Sex like this is nothing more than being MUTUAL masturbation tools, copulating, what a sad reflection on society and how females think about their bodies to be used, and to use others, than in itself without the facts surrounding this, make it all pretty ugly!The comments/advice posted about relationships surrounding this OP question, is really irrelevant, as if you read her post, she is not looking for a relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): You have to ask yourself whether you are really happy with just sex - and the reputation you might get too - or whether really you want something more and are just lonely. One-night stands won't take your loneliness away, they can in fact make you feel more lonely.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 I wanted to shoot in that I agree with doublejack. If a guy wants sex with me on the first date I also exclude him as someone I'd have a relationship with, the respect for that person is just lost. Now it all depends on the guy and the setting, but as a general rule I'd not see someone who has sex on the first date as someone I'd want to be in a relationship with. I think it shows a sign of respect when you are more interested in the person that in their body.
Sex as a one-time hook-up, or getting a lover (a person you have for sex alone and nothing else), is ok, but you can never expect a relationship with them, nor should you desire one. A relationship built on sex will often come short in the more important aspects.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 December 2010):
If you want sex then go get it. What should you care what they think of you or whatever, they'd be known as guys that have sex on the first date as well, won't they?
But, I would say avoid going to bed with a blabber-mouth. Sure, you shouldn't be bothered if someone decides to be immature and throw out rumours, but it is annoying if that happens, as petty as it is. So pick your guys with a little sense, don't go with the first and best, find someone you think will shut up and not disrespect the fact that you have a sexual need.
And if all you want is sex then I wouldn't consider it "dating", I'd call it hooking up. Just do what the player guys do, it works. Use and abuse my dear. Don't get any feelings involved. Im my experience the guys will become the clingy ones who want more, and get jealous if you have others on the side as well (just like women, they are no different), so pick your guys carefully so they don't end up annoying you with being clingy and needy.
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reader, doublejack +, writes (14 December 2010):
As a guy, I will gladly accept first date sex. However, a girl that does that should know that she eliminates herself from any long term consideration. Instead I will view her as someone fun to hang out with once in a while, but not worthy of a serious relationship.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 December 2010):
 What's your age OP?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Have sex on your first date, but dont do it all the time. Every girl is entitled to a bit of no strings attached sex. However, dont do it every first date, you may get a reputation and dont start a relationship with this person, it will build around sex. And i would also avoid facebook. If you pull in a club, have sex with him.
HAVE FUN!
ps nothing wrong with a booty call either!!
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female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Sex on the first date a majority of the time will negate any type of relationship developing.
Women excrete oxytocin during intercourse or other physical acts, while men will only experience this "Love chemical" when there is a closeness, a bond, an intimacy.
While you may feel that a man should see past the fact that you slept with him so quickly and love you for you, it doesn't generally happen this way.
Men like to hunt, seek, capture, fish - and if you are handing them the prize the first time you meet them - well the expedition is over quite early.
The question is - why would YOU want to have sex on the first date, and secondly wouldn't you feel sex with a signifigant other or partner whom you feel comfortable with would be more enjoyable and more satisfying?
Turn off the sexual highbeams, and focus on enjoying the company of your date - don't fast-forward to the sex or assume that your date is even worthy of it. Don't give anybody the ability to tell you that you aren't worth spending time with because you only value yourself through sex.
It is the equivalent of telling someone in plain english, "I don't feel like I have much else to offer as far as personality or comparable interests." And through doing this you are sending the message that your only value is sex and nothing else. As long as you are comfortable with that portrayal it is your body and you can act in any way you see fit. Just don't expect a relationship out of it.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 December 2010):
If your relationship goal is to be nothing more than a high-five in a locker room, then this is a great strategy.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (14 December 2010):
 If you don't want to be thought of that way, don't do it. You can't expect to be thought of as a girl that doesn't have sex on the first date after sleeping with someone on the first date, especially if the guy was only looking for sex anyway and didn't respect you much in the first place.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Times have changed since I was dating but back then,50's&60's)no one really expected sex on the first second or even third date. You actually had to feel like you were in love and all that. I know the youth of today like tolive in a "fasr-forward" way but sex without emotion is just not all that great. If it was there would be a brothel on every corner.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 December 2010):
Right now, you're just the girl who chats with guys she doesn't know on FB about sex. So they probably class you as "likely to have sex on the first night." If you meet up with them and have sex, they WILL class you as the "girl who has sex on the first night."
It's pretty simple. If you don't want to be described as the girl who has sex on the first night, then stop talking with random guys you don't know about it.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (14 December 2010):
 If you go into these hookups with the mentality that they are just hookups, you don't care about their feelings and you don't ever care to see or talk to them again, you'll be fine with first date sex. If you are worried that you'll be the talk of the town, don't hook up with them - because they WILL talk about you.
No matter what you do, always practice safe sex.
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (14 December 2010):
If you have sex on the first night then you will be "the girl who has sex on the first night"
Why don't you want to find a good guy and combine the sex with a great relationship?
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