A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So short story, I've been screwed over by so many guys so many times that I am constantly suspicious and freaking out. I am in a relationship currently and my boyfriend knew before we started dating about all my baggage. He has been completely understanding about it and even went as far to give me all his passwords and allows me to check his phone. But I still can't over my trust issues and I'm always worrying that one of these days he's going to up and leave. He's friends with a lot of girls and sometimes the things he says to them worry me even though I know he's just joking around. I feel like I'm going to turn into some crazy stalker and I don't know how to talk to him about it. I think it's unfair to him that I can't completely trust him. It has gotten better then when we first started dating and I have more faith in him I'm just not there all the way completely. I even went and told him that I trusted him and it made him so happy even though I’m sure he knows it's not the complete truth. Somebody help me here, I’m digging myself a hole. How can I trust again and stop worrying all the time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 Great! Good luck and thanks for keeping us up to date!
A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (19 September 2011):
What a lovely positive update!!
I am really pleased for you! You are still young, so no need to rush into getting married and having kids just yet though ;-)
Just enjoy each others company, and you deserve someone who treats you so well, remember that!
Best of luck to you both :-) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for all the advice! :)I really never realized that I was making him pay for all the other idiots that I dated, that's the last thing I wanted. But I think I'm sttarting to get a better perspective and I'm looking into going into counselling. At this point I want to keep our realtionship as healthy as possible because our realtionship is getting serious. To the point of he flat out asked me to have his kids and that he wants to marry me in the near future. He puts me first no matter what and it takes getting used to, lol. We never argue except when he wants to buy me something and I won't let him cause I think it's too expensive and then he ends up buying it anyways. I guess my main thing is my jealousy and past expirences and in a way it seemed too good to be true.We have moved in together and I no longer want to check his phone. I realized that I'm not in control of his actions, I'm only in control of mine and I want my actions to be positive. :)
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (17 September 2011):
Well you're not the only one.But perhaps imagine, say your boyfriend compared you to his exes? you have given him no reason to doubt you, you've never cheated etc, but he still questions you? Reads your emails/ text messages etc... How would you feel?Sometimes, you just have to accept people at face value if they haven't given you any reason to doubt them? (and if they do betray you, trust me, it says a lot more about them than it does you!)You have made some massive improvements, to your trust in him, do whatever it takes to continue this good work! xxYou may even need 'professional' help with this? (Isn't it worth a try, as you seem to have found a great guy?) Think about how you would feel, if you accuse him of things he hasn't done? He will get fed up and either do it, or leave you?
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female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (16 September 2011):
There is no magical cream or pill that can help you. You just have to let go of your inhibitions. Just keep telling yourself that he doesn't deserve to pay for the failures of others; that he has given you no reason to feel insecure and distract yourself from self-destructive thought-paths.
Break the cycle. Simply decide to do it. It's simple, but will take practice.
Good luck!
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female
reader, bardia  +, writes (16 September 2011):
 Can't wait to see the answers you get here. I freak out (to myself) about this all the time and this is only my FIRST relationship ever! What's really bad is that time & time again he had proved himself to me. I'm the 1st GD he's never cheated on & the longest relationship he's had. I'll get suspicious & make myself sick about it only to realize he's just surfing online or texting a mutual friend. It's so hard to risk that deep level of trust because we just don't want to get burned. But if we don't trust, we'll never have the relationship we could. Good luck to you & be patient with yourself in your healing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): I think it is important that you take time in healing yourself. After a lot of pain you need to heal the wounds or they fester, which is exactly what is going on with you. You have become insecure because of the past. I think reaching out to a support group or a therapist to work on this would be a positive step.
It may even be a positive step to seek couple's therapy if you think this relationship is long term. It can help him with dealing with your jealousy, and give you both strategies for building and keeping trust alive.
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