A
female
age
36-40,
*arla v.
writes:did i do wrong in looking in my boyfriends phone? i looked at his text messages.. he texted this one chick i always thought he was screwing around with. told her to get some rubbers, im speechless. i dont wanna think about it. im the saddest girl on earth. i asked him and all he said was nothing happened. she didnt even come over. i know thats bullshit. why did he tell me he loves me and cheat on me? he says he didn't and i wanna believe him but it happened. he broke my heart. i wanna pretend i never saw that and move on. i dont know if i should but i know i have to. the hardest part about it is that i live with him and i wouldn't have anywhere to go. i don't have a job. how should i deal with this? how can i be strong about it, move on and be strong enough to leave?
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female
reader, Tanya.....  +, writes (15 November 2009):
I can relate to what u are going through, this has just happened to me in the last month. My partner had done this is the past and i believed him and gave him another chance and tried my best to make a go of it only to see the same thing happen 12 months later. The hardest thing for me was to let go of what we had, i thought he was "the one" i had all these hopes for our future and i found letting go of "us" was the hardest thing, it still is. If you have family close by move in with them, mind you this isnt a easy thing to do when you are used to having ur own place but it helps to be around ppl u love and trust at times like these. I applied for jobs and now have one i am enjoying, set up a facebook account and found that really helped talking to ppl. The thing is hun, i realised and u will too in the future if u decide to to leave there is so many other ppl out there for u to form great friendships with and when u are ready in time to have another relationship. You deserve the best, and he sounds like he is taking u for granted. This is the hardest thing i have done and i am far from over my relationship ending but i know someday soon i will wake up and not think of him anymore. I hope u make the right decision and wish you all the best.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I am so sorry for what you're going through. Its not fair for him to take your dream (as in being with him) and give it to a strange woman who has nothing invested in him emotionally.
I think if he were man enough to admit that he did cheat on you, and even better, strong enough to change his ways and try and make amends with you, it would be better and help you heal or repair the relationship.
But if he's going to deny what he did, even though he knows you found out about it; then it tells me he has no respect for you. And that's so sad. It seems from what you wrote that you do care about him, and though you want to deny it happened too, you're honest enough to know that you can't do that.
I would suggest working extra hard at trying to find a job somewhere, anywhere and then slowly moving out. If you have parents or brothers or sisters you can trust, I would advise that when he's not home, slowly move your stuff out and storing it with them.
You could try and work on the relationship some more. If he does truly love you, then I would think he would make every effort he could to take the hurt from your heart and try and fix this relationship with you. But I don't see anything there in your question that says that.
There isn't much more to offer other than a great deal of sympathy for you and some prayers that you find work and have the means to move out.
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A
female
reader, melanie0083 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I am so sorry that you have to put up with this! Not only do you "know" hes cheated, but you have no "escape". And it sounds like he doesn't even regret it or feels guilty about it! My suggestion to you is to play "HIM" for a fool. Not so much cheat on him back, that would make you trashy. Instead, find a job (make up an excuse why you want to work) and start "planing" to make your escape. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW! by keeping everything a secret, you keep the ball in your court! Once you find a job, SAVE money aside that he wont find. Once you have gained enough for a down payment on an apartment (go cheap) then lay it all on him and take him for whatever he has to offer and go! I know this would be hard for you to live with him and "act" like nothing is wrong, but what other option do you have if all you have is yourself? Never the less, if you decide to stay with this jerk, you still should find a job and save some money on the side! I am divorced from an abusive marriage of 5 years. He took EVERYTHING that I have ever worked for! And I have learned my lessons. my boyfriend now of 2 years is a WONDERFUL man,(we live together) but I still keep separate bank accounts, and started a savings account that he doesn't know about. It forms a "cushion" for your "emergencies". And who ever thinks its "wrong" cuz your hiding something from your partner, whatever! its not about love, its about being smart and prepared. When you've been hurt like I have, life teaches you lessons of survival and that's my instinct now. You need to gain some "control" in your life, and by having some income, you'll def gain some independence. Please, don't let this jerk feel as though he can get away with this and it be fine since he's in control...you are better than that! BE STRONG! Find a way to get out!
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