A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is pretty long...I'm 16 and I've never been in a proper relationship with anyone..boys or girls in my case. I've always been very introverted and in my own world..and whats more i have generalised stress disorder, which is pretty common but still sucks..I've had it my entire life and rely on stress medication to get me through every day. I used to go to high school but started hurting myself because i couldn't find an outlet for my anxiety, and eventually cut my wrist open. So mum got me into some art courses with adults instead..Which at first were horrible, but a relief at least. I had a little success and my teachers let me skip ahead several certificates. I met a guy who's 19 (but he acts as if and looks like hes 16 or 17) a couple of weeks ago. He just started talking to me..and i spurred him..like i do..But eventually he got to me. We went shopping the other day. and it was really..perfect we had so much fun. But then i suggested we go see a movie..but as soon as i got there, he sat right next to me..I was in a corner. And he kept moving closer..i was uncomfortable because of the heat and the long walk..and needed space..then he kept looking at me all dopey like..and I kept thinking, if he makes a move I'll be trapped. And I lost it and had to go out. when i came back he was all concerned and could see I was upset and kept his distance..he tried to make me laugh and bought me popcorn and stuff. It was really sweet and I calmed down..But i still couldnt look at him. I don't understand..i like him..I think hes really attractive..in fact whenever i look at him i start blushing because i'm scared he'll notice that i cant stop looking. But when i was in the cinema..i just wanted to be away from him..as far as i could get..I dont understand. he seems to know somethings up...and im not surprised. I acted crazy. Does anyone know why I might have acted like this..Ive been in the exact same situation with other guys and not had this reaction..And please no one say it's because I actually dont like him because I really do..i cant wait to see him again. and its pathetic i know but i keep checkin to see if hes called. and all that..I'm terrified that im going to be forever held back from life..all because of my anxiety. Theres so much i want to do. but how am i supposed to do these things..how am i ever going to show him how much i like him..if everytime we're close i freak out.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 This is what they sometimes call an "avoidant" behavior and its part of your stress disorder.
I am so sorry you were self-cutting or self-hurting and especially feel empathetic to your situation. You need to be very patient and gentle with yourself and try and get into situations where you can socialize in non-threatening environments. Maybe that's why you're where you're at now.
Have you gone to therapy? A great deal of what you're going through can be controlled through medication (which you said you're taking) and behavioral therapy, which includes stress release.
It seems that you have a guy who is interested in you, and if you're kind to him and tell him to be gentle with you, he will be. I think he's sensitive to your needs and just needs you to let him get a little bit closer emotionally each time you meet. Just remind him that you're particularly sensitive and he has to respect that you're trying very hard to be with him and spend time with him. This will make him feel good and draw him closer to you so you can like him better.
The other thing is try and relax a bit before and during your visits with each other. Afterward, try and take time to relax and unwind again. Anxiety is part of stress and in order to control that, relaxation is good for you.
If you feel anxious, tell him and tell him also what he can do to let you feel relaxed when you two are in the same company. If you're in therapy, ask your therapist about exercises you can put into practice so you can lower your stress levels.
There's nothing wrong with what you want. You want to be able to socialize a little bit and get out of your shell which is what everyone wants for you too.
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