A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please Help,I am 20 years old and have recently bought a house with my boyfriend of two and a half years which we moved into May 2009. Although I was over excited at the time I regret the decision I made with a vengeance. I feel like when I reach the age of 30 or so I am going to regret my decisions and feel maybe that I have wasted my life. My boyfriend is in his late 20’s so I now feel that he is more than happy to have a more settled life. Although maybe I have fallen out of love with him, I still care about him hugely and don’t want to hurt him which is somewhat keeping me there at the moment. Having said that we do have good days where I feel a little more content and part of me feels I could be happy. I used to have such dreams of travelling the world and if I stay I have no choice but to say bye to that dream. Money is extremely scarce so I’m never able to treat myself and rarely go out. Since getting with my boyfriend I have since lost touch will all of my friends so feel increasingly lonely. Whenever I hear of work colleagues having an excellent night out I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on the life I should be having.My boyfriend is a great guy and we used to be so in love, my thoughts are always so negative and I can't help but think the grass is greener on the other side, but am I being selfish and should I give this life another go? I have no one really to go to about this so I hope that if you are able to take the time to read this that you would be kind enough to provide a small piece of advice. I know that this may seem really petty as there are thousands of people worse off than me but I feel extremely messed up and frustrated. I feel like I need someone to tell me what to do, so please any suggestions would be great. Thank you so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so so much for taking the time to help! All the responses have helped, its nice to have people's opinions that only have my interests at heart. I have spoken to my boyfriend about it so he is aleast aware of how I am feeling, however we do still have issues that i'm really not sure we can get through, I don't know how much time to give it. Thanks again for your time!
A
female
reader, Advice Gem +, writes (10 September 2009):
Hi, there you sound like me, I feel exactly the same in my relationship except I have 2 children so its more complicated for me. Either go out togther more to see if the spark returns nothing expensive romantic walks picnics etc.But I almost feel you are settling to early I was 18 and im 26 now and I regret not being single for longer and enjoying and living life. Life should have no regrets and your very young to have doubts I have only had mine around 6 months. 20 is no age to be struggling financially trust me it gets no better when you have children. but you dont mind as much if you have lived bebore that.If it was not for my children I would be out there LIVING. Thats not to say thats right for you only u can decide but dont feel guilty its natural the way you feel dont beat yourself up over it.
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A
female
reader, califnan  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 They say that single people should not purchase a house together.
You are both very young and having to make the payments on a house, can strip a person who had other dreams .. Some people think that the real estate ownership is worth the sacrifice.
But you should definitely confide in your boyfriend all that you have written to us.. This is a financial situation that must be worked out between the two of you. If you want out of the grip of the home ownership - the two of you Must discuss this.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 When you have doubts, those doubts are generated from one of two places: (1) your intuition or (2) your ego.
What I am seeing here is that you got to achieve one dream, and now you fear you have to let go another.
Part of your dilemma is that you are not seeing the forest from the trees as you are still in the forest itself.
None of what you want is mutually exclusive. You can have a home, you can have your man and you can have friends and travel.
What's eating at you is that currently money is tight. You don't feel you can enjoy social time with your friends and can't treat yourself either. You see travel and seeing the world as an impossibility.
All of those negative feelings you're experiencing right now are ego-driven doubts. Why? First off, you don't have to spend money to go visit a friend or hang out with them. You have a home and you can actually entertain them there!
Traveling the world is not too difficult, but you need to earn the money to be able to afford it anyway.
You have strong feelings for your man, and what I think is that you're letting negative thinking get in the way of the joy you experienced when the two of you acquired the home together.
Now onto age 30. You aren't anywhere near that age yet! Things change over time, money may become available. In the meantime, you should focus on what you have.
To me, having a home with someone I love, sharing it together is one of the most valuable things you can have.
All the money and travel will not take care of the loneliness and possible lovelessness you would experience.
I will tell you that I'm age 50, and I've traveled the world, owned homes and when you don't have the person that you love dearly next to you when you travel or occupy your home, then its all so insipid and very empty and un-fulfilling.
Focus on making a strong relationship with your man, and planning to do all of those things that you want together. Share things with your friends too.
Trust me, when you go through life sharing and growing together as a couple, and maybe taking on a few friends here and there for some social company, it is much richer and far more rewarding than being lonely and doing it all that way.
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