A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 years old and Been with my boyfreind for 11 months we first start getting sexual with each other three months in to the relationship which it took a lot off trust and understanding on my bf part because I was sexually abuse when I was younger ( aged 18 to 22) I suffer from flashbacks sometimes during sex wand foreplay with my boyfreind x he know because have spoken to him x I also sometime have pain and wondering how the pain can be less painful during forplay only way I can describe it is I'm not getting wet down their no matter how much stimulation my boyfreind does I do after one orgasim then I just experience pain after that help any Advice would be much appricated because we both what it to be Pain and flashback free
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe abuse stop over a year and nine months ago am coming up twenty four now x am with my first boyfreind now x my abuse was someone I know well and they took advantage and was controllinh all my life x have had some coucilling which I might see about going to again to help and and my bf though this thanks everyone for the feedback x my bf was the one who also sugest is taking things slow again because he wants to help me heal and know it off to take time x thanks again for your feedback
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 So it's only been a year since the abuse stopped? That is still pretty recent and I'm willing to be your feelings are still totally raw. You don't just "get" over something like that.
I suggest you find a good therapist/counselor and seek out a support group. This is not something you can just "snap finger" and get over you need help. Do it for you and your future.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 I was sexually abused as a child, and I ahve also experienced the same sort of reaction in sex, flashbacks and pain. I can tell you from my own experience that it takes a lot of time, patience and therapy to get to a point where you don't flashback during sex. Find a counselor whom you trust and feel comfortable with, they will help you deal with the issues you face and will be able to teach you the techniques you need to move past these issues and enjoy every part of your life including sex. I know it's hard and a long process, but it is worth it. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (2 April 2012):
 I have a feeling it could be too soon for sex after your recent trauma. You may have healed physically but emotionally and psychologically you aren't there all the way otherwise you wouldn't feel pain and (depending on your history) have difficulties with lubrication. Is it possible you can ask your new guy to focus on intimacy in other, not-sexual ways (cuddling, rubbing, holding each other, kisses, hugs), to build trust in him? if you feel trust is not the issue i'd still consider getting counseling at the same time because it's a lot to deal with and process and NOT transfer to another relationship even though you like the new guy and believe that it will be different this time.
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