A
female
age
41-50,
*herrybaby
writes:Any tips for confidence?hi I've started dating a guy and we have great sexual chemistry between us. Thing is I've rescently put on a bit of weight and with it lost a bit of confidence. any tips for having more confidence in my sexy self?..he makes me feel great but somewhere deep down theres always this little voice saying-'Your not that great he's only using you for sex and saying all the rigt things to get you there!'
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female
reader, No watered down advice here!  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I too have felt the way you feel. It's NOT about what HE feels. At the end the day it's ABOUT you! Who "MUST" LOVE YOU?..NOT HIM! But... YOU? I'm responsible for loving ME. And no matter how times a MAN tells me how PRETTY I am, I need to FEEL it, I need to KNOW it. So..I did something about my weight problem I started eating right. I start exercising. And as youngandrestless,stated. Tell yourself "I AM HOT!!" and believe it. the key to confidence is YOU." But..Most IMPORTANTLY..SHOW yourself! By the things you take into your body and by EXERCISING!!! And when you start building up your confidence and talking care of your body, you will KNOW he's NOT JUST TALKING TO GET IN YOUR PANTS or should I say (panties,LOL!)!!! Good luck!!
A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 it sounds like your more insecure about yourself than anything. ive felt the same way but then i realized it was because i suffer from seasonal depression. im not saying that you do, but every girl goes through this feeling sometimes. ive gained weight since ive starting dating my boyfriend, and so has he, the key to it is to compliment!!! tell yourself that your beautiful and focus on things you love about yourself not things you want to change. ive got tiny boobs but ive got an amazing butt! and my man loves it!!! he likes my junk in the trunk even though most girls would find it gross and tell me to work out. im not unhealthy, ive got a very small tight stomach and toned thighs but its just the way my body is. love yourself for you, he obviously does. he loves your body and is attracted to you! thats a good thing!!!look in the mirror and tell yourself " I AM HOT!!" and you will believe it. the key to confidence is YOU.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (2 December 2010):
Just so you know, plenty of guys enjoy curves. Being healthy is essential, but definitely be conscious about drawing a line between losing weight to be healthy and losing weight to "look better." Are you even at an unhealthy weight? Think in terms of BMI (Body Mass Index) instead of pounds or dress sizes. Your healthy weight should be determined based upon your height, family history, and a doctor...not what those stupid trashy media magazines are telling you to be. But as I said, if your weight is leading to unhealthiness, you may have to change your lifestyle a bit.
But a guys attraction doesn't specifically comes from looks; at least to my knowledge based on me and close friends. What matters most is their personality (sounds cheesey but its more true than you know) If a woman is confident in who she is and how she looks, it doesn't matter her body type; that woman immediately becomes beautiful. There is something gorgeous and energetic about a girl who is proud of who she is. Nothing is more annoying and sad than someone who constantly picking out things about them they want to change. It gets old fast...
I'd recommend going to the gym maybe a few times a week (don't overdue it) to ensure you stay healthy, but if you're getting a little curvier, enjoy it :) Chances are the guys will too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): If you don't like the weight you put on the answer is simple: lose it. But I find contradiction in your thought process when at the same time you are afraid he is only using you for sex. If you are so ugly, why would he use you for sex? You see the contradiction? Examine yourself further, what are all the reasons you feel insecure? There is probably much more here than you see on the surface. A little instrospection is not for sissies, but is very necessary.
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A
female
reader, Cherrybaby +, writes (2 December 2010):
Cherrybaby is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, good tip I always feel better when I work out (and more confident in the bedroom)
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Start eating healthy and going to the gym. Besides helping you lose the weight, which will always cause self-doubt, both activities actually make you feel happier, more energetic, and more confident.
Try getting most o fyour calories for breakfast instead of dinner, doing some cardio, running, and light weights. Bring your boyfriend along for a mutual bonding experience.
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A
female
reader, AgonyAuntiee93 +, writes (2 December 2010):
Well there is many things you could try;
1) Buy a new outfit, make up and go and get your hair cut. Then that way it wont just be for sex... (Be warned though, dont stay with him if he is using you hunn)
2) Get to know him a bit better / get to know others better. Go out with him/them for a day. That way you will feel like you dont have to pretend that you are someone else.
3) Go to a confident boosting class. They can really boost your confident level up and help you feel more secure.
4) If you feel insecure about your weight, go to a gym or change your diet? (You proberly arent fat at all though).
5) Dont let him walk all over you; make sure he knows that you arent afraid of him and that you want a commited realtionship not a sexx-filled one.
I hopee that i have helped you hunn.. (: Good luck.. xx
Ratee please? xx
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