A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I always get discriminated because people think I'm ugly. People think I'm of mixed ethinicity because of how I look like. I'm naturally tanned and people think I don't look like the ethnicity I'm supposed to be. People my ethnicity are 'racist' towards me because they thought I'm of another ethnicity. Above all, people think I'm ugly. Guys come over and would only talk to my best friend whom they deem good-looking. I have hideous acne scars. My boyfriend always look at pretty girls. how could i be like them? do i have to fix something? the risks are so high when operations are involved. Some people protest the decision to give in to all these but I'm no Lady Gaga. I don't have the power to change people's perception and make them think, "Hey I look good too"?
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female
reader, ml.ama  +, writes (6 June 2011):
It's very nice to hear that you are perefct the way you are and that you should conform and be happy the with what you've got. It's also an easy and political correct thing to say.
But when we are young, I am 22 btw, we want quick answers that will make everything easier. Unfortunately, by now I understan that growing up, learning, choosing the right way and improving your self-estime are a long-run and difficult process.
The fact is that people are insecure and scared of others opinions and before going through surgery or anything else they should first try to overcome them and give themselves some credit, there are certainly beautiful things about your looks, even if right now your to blind to perceive it. If your self-estime is very low you should consider going to a Psychologist, they can guide and help you on that.
I also agree with the person who wrote the environment your in is very important and often it works as a mirror, that is you see yourself the way (you think) other people look at you, and it might be that you are in a racist and hostile environment. Therefore you should surround yourself with people who actually like you and accept you.
This said, of course you want to be more beautiful, who doesn't? (And sometimes the most beautiful women are the ones who are more picky with their appearance).
About the acne there are many things you can do before resourcing to surgery: for starters go to a good dermatolegist, exfoliate, use a dermobrasion system and chemical peelings. AND make-up can also be very helpful. Learn with someone who knows what she/he is doing. Concealers, foundation, etc can make wounders.
About your skin tone you will have to accept it. It might take quite a while but you'll get there. I would also say instead of looking at it in negative way, you could begin looking at it in a positive way: it makes you look more exotic, distinct and interesting.
(If we all looked the same it would be so boring!)
If you can, travel, go to other countries, meet new people, contact with other cultures; explore a little bit, it will open your mind and it will make you see things from another point of view. Sometimes all we need is a breath of fresh air!...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): Hi
You are right you do not have to change other peoples perceptions of you, you have to change YOUR perception of you. You are unique and should never really want to be like anyone else but you. Ugly only exists in certain ways and it's from the inside of jealous people.
You are tanned that is great, you have acne scars, so you have character in your face, who wants to be flawless it looks so bland and who wants botox so the face is expressionless. :) You are very young and can make the best of your qualities, and every day start to believe in yourself and do things that make you feel good.
Remember your perception and each morning look in the mirror and say ' HEY I LOOK GOOD TOO ! believe in yourself.
spunky monkey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): The way you feel about yourself is subjective. It is because you are in environments that you are not confident in yourself.
Lets imagine you were able to sing and you were very confident you could sing and your voice was beautiful and had lots of soul. Then guys in the audience would look past your looks and approach you and talk to you. Because everyone else around you approves of you and claps and cheers and think your great.
Or the same could be said for a drama class group. Or any type of group focused on a particular talent. Or somewhere you can act confidently where it is not about looks.
The environments your putting yourself in with your friends are environments where looks are the prime factor. its probably the stage for girls more beautiful than yourself
So find an environment like dance class or something you like where you can shine at something. that will be your stage where people will be attracted to you..
The secret is that people are picking up on your insecurities. your body language is subliminally telling them.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (6 June 2011):
Hi there. Don't worry about what other people think, it's unimportant.
You are perfect just the way you are.
If you would like to improve the appearance of your acne scars, there are various lazer treatments now available that are very successful for dramatically improving scars from acne. I think that they might also be a bit expensive though. But I thought I'd mention it anyway.
A much cheaper option but just as effective, is a product that is often advertised on tv or in magazines, called "Proactive", which is available at department stores and pharmacies. Many, many people have used that product - celebrities included - and have had great success with it. It's really worth considering.
And once you look after that issue - the acne scars - then you could visit a department store - Myer or David Jones - and visit "Revlon", and ask the beauty consultant there if she would apply makeup on you and give you an idea of what colours suit your eyes and complexion.
You may see yourself as unattractive, but you are just as attractive as your girlfriends, I'm sure. You just need to see yourself as that.
You could also experiment at home, with different ways of wearing your hair if it's long - either up or down - and just see what you like and don't like.
Ultimately though, you just need to believe in yourself and to know that you are equal to every other woman on the planet. No one person is better than anyone else. We are all equal.
One of the most attractive qualities in a woman - is confidence and believing in yourself; plus being your own person and independent too. All men find those qualities very attractive indeed. And if you have them, you are way ahead of the rest.
So start believing in yourself and building up your self confidence every single day. Know that you are already beautiful and perfect. Ignore what anyone else tries to tell you, because what they think doesn't count.
Perhaps they are even jealous of you. Sometimes people pick on others when they feel insecure about themselves. Strange you might say, but very true.
Best wishes and take care.
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A
female
reader, Y_v  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 When i read this i was like... you're beautiful. Despite the fact that i've never seen you and i've only taken 2 seconds to read this. But what i'm trying to say is, don't let the pretty girls get to you.
There's proof that you are not ugly. You have a boyfriend who is willing to stay with you, if you don't believe that its because of your looks? believe the fact that it's because of your awesome personality!
Not everybody is perfect! Please don't strive to be somebody else. A lot of people will probably say the same thing too but seriously don't change yourself for somebody else. Be proud of who you are. There is no one like you. cliche... err but it's true!
And i'm tanned too and i bet you get lots of comment on how tanned you are. i know this might sound motherly but they are SO jealous of your tan. believe me! hope i don't sound too racist :/ but white girls nowadays are doing EVERYTHING just to get that fantastic exotic tan!
If your self esteem is still low try doing something that doesn't involve excessive surgery or something operational.
Eat Healthy. Exercise. Meditate? Go out clubbing? Make yourself feel happy because of the way you are. I suggest you write things that you like about yourself. Don't let anyone ruin your bubble of happiness!
Wow i've gone on long enough. I hope this helps you in SOME way :)
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