A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is there something wrong with me? I am 21 and I believe I am falling for someone 40 years older than me! How is that possible? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, timxyz  +, writes (18 September 2015):
Go for that IF Love Is free and unconditional.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Oh it's possible. Smart is not , but it is possible.
How ?
Well, you may be a lucky exception of curse, but in general it is rather predictable.
Your usual daddy issues ( good old Freud ) in girls that have grown up without a strong, protective, present, affectionate father figure.
Or : insecure , vulnerable, disappointed girls that did not get a lot of attention from their peers, or took too much at heart the ( very usual ) bad experiences a girl may have with her peers at the beginning of her dating career.
Of course she will be sensitive and receptive to the extra mile than an older man is surely willing to go to put his hands on a young juicy little thing . Compliments, tons of affection , a shoulder to cry on , wining and dining, "sensitivity "... the whole nine yards.
Let's be frank, a young man does not need to sweat it that much and he generally won't , unless he is really head over heels.
A guy in his sixties will know that these trains don't pass too often and will put on all the right moves to try and cacth it ( If he really plans to stay on board, that's another story ). The extra mile is intended to make the girl overlook the fact that she is not exactly getting a fantastic deal.
No offence, older Uncles of Dear Cupid, - I am totally ready to believe that you personally are excellent specimens of healthy , radiant maturity and you are sexier than Clint Eastwood - but , again, these are trains that don't pass too often for your average silver fox , and, for a variety of reasons , the ride is generally more convenient and favourable for the passenger, than for the train.
I'd be also curious to know if the posters would be as optimistic and "anything goes " in the case of a reversal of roles . A 21 y.o. guy falling in love with a woman of 61. I 've got the feeling that everybody would say it can't happen , he is after her money , or after just a quick f..k. Or, maybe they'd just say : eeeww.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): If the guy is also showing an interest in you. he probably just wants to get into your pants. That's the usual reason why old men woo much younger women. Sorry it sounds so harsh but be careful.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Not that uncommon. I was on the other side of that equation about five years ago ... she was 21, I was 63. In fact I had blown her off when she came on to me in a social networking site three years before ... 18 vs. 60. I told her to come back when she was 21. She did. We had five months together before she had to move to the coast, some 2000+ miles from me. Sweet, bright, and loving.
But you have to realize that you will NOT have much of a common frame of reference with your love. The things that he does and likes will probably be strange to you, and vice versa. This can change over time if both people want it to, as you establish activities and preferences that belong to you two as a couple. In my case we started off with an interest in a scientific pursuit, and it shocked me to learn that she knew the "Top 10" list songs from when I was in high school and college almost as well as I did. If it was not a really big hit she didn't know it, but she really knew all of those. Look for these commonalities.
I would recommend if it is available in your area somewhere you try to take a course in Communications for Couples. These are often offered through local mental health centers or community centers. NOTHING is more important to a relationship like this (or, indeed, to ANY relationship) than the ability of BOTH partners to be able to understand their own want and wishes and needs, AND to be able to present these to the partner in a NON-THREATENING way, a way that facilitates solutions and compromise. This is NOT a human instinct ... it takes lot of work to develop these skills. But 20 years from now if you get this one skill down, you'll wonder how you could have managed your relationship without.
Consider, too, where you think you might want the relationship to go. Are you thinking, long term, about investigating marriage to him? If so, prepare yourself for the likelihood that you will be a relatively young widow.
Will either family bring impossible pressures to bear on you two to end it?
One of the attractions to an older guy is that he is more stable and probably more experienced than a younger man would be. But be honest with yourself. If you are trying to cast him in the role of a surrogate daddy, please do both of you a favor and forget about it. He does NOT want to raise a daughter, he wants a girlfriend (or more).
Bottom line: good luck, but please be careful. It can be wonderful, IF you make it work. Listen to the critics, and evaluate what they have to say with an open mind. If you have a relationship that will last, you will find these criticisms helpful in how you two relate to one another. Others may see things that you dont. But as I said earlier, ALWAYS have a way to discuss issues that come up honestly. Don't try to hide or run from them.
(Personal PS: I just broke up with my latest lady. I am 68, she is 34. Two months ago she was exactly half my age. We had a party. Ya, it ended. But it was SWEET!)
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (25 September 2012):
 It's VERY possible, in my experience. Quite HOW it is possible may be dependant on many factors. Maybe you lacked paternal love, maybe you've had bad relationship experiences with guys your own age, maybe older guys offer a high degree of security, maybe maybe maybe.
Nothing "wrong" with you at all - slightly unusual - yes, but as long as you make eachother happy, who cares? If you find people have a problem with that, then let THEM have the problem!
Just go with the flow, to Hell with any criticism you may receive and just enjoy the relationship.
Good luck.
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