A
female
age
30-35,
*lueskysmakeway1
writes:I'm married to a man almost 24 years older than me well 23 and a half years to be exact . We married last summer and since then he is gotton very insecure and I don't know why . I'm 21 and he is 44 we were together about 2 years before that , before we got married everything was cool we took things easy had fun and did really good things together . But now he's getting weird and I need him to stop . When we go out to gatherings or partys or dinner with friends he want's me practically joined at his hip . If I try to move away to talk to someone he will put his arm around my waist and pull me in to talk with his friends , When on holidays to places if i go somewhere and i am not seen for maybe 20 mins hes calling to see if i am ok , and at home he keeps asking the 'what ifs' i saw better looking men would i leave him . When I tell him to stop being so insecure he keeps saying ' Yeah it's easy for you to say but i'm the older unattractive person here and sometimes i'm afraid you'll leave me '' and it drives me so crazy because he is attractive regardless the age . This has all arose it the past 6 months when he went out with his friends and they began talking about their wifes and someone said to him 'oh your wife will proberly leave you when you hit 50 and began saying i am proberly married to him as i want a father figure'' now i haven't seen thos friends yet to talk to them about there complete stupid remarks but my husband is so insecure and its hurting me very much he would think of me that way because I LOVE HIM . I'm not sure what to do , at home he is a complete different person things are great romantic perfect and fun but then when we are out he's like ' I love you and it would break my heart if you left me don't forget that when your out tonight '' and if i talk to men he is over like a bullet even if it is his male friends . We have no kids yet , we haven't gotten around to it over this insecurity and I don't know how to get rid of it . Can someone help ? Why is my husband taking this to such a stupid level? What should I do here? AND don't say to leave him because I love him very much .
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female
reader, reliable_gal  +, writes (22 January 2013):
Hi.. I'm married to a man that is almost 20 years older than myself. He was raised very much like they would have in the old country. Men are everything & women are peons. I never realized that until after we were married. Because he wasn't like that while we were dating.
We have been married 12.5 years and things have gotten progressively worse. When I try to talk to him.. He always thinks its his way or no way.
I recently told him that we should consider getting counseling.. But he doesn't believe in it and doesn't think it will help. I told him it's better than co-exsisting. And if co-exsisting is what you have in mind.. We should go our separate ways and figure out how to raise our kids in 2 homes.
I do love him but I believe he loves me to but he is NOT in Love With Me. And I told him so.. He couldn't answer me.
He also told me that he IGNORES 90% of what I have to say.
Furthermore.. $$$$ is a big thing for older guys. Its all about what is theirs. Not OURS! And if you choose to have kids with him.. Look out! Your going to get a BIG eye opener.. You will be at home for awhile raising your kid(s) with no financial income coming in and he is going to be resentful and petty about $$. So God forbid you have a baby on formula (even specialty stuff because baby has allergies) & anything else baby related.. You need this stuff for baby & he is going to be madder than piss the $$ has to come from his pocket, paycheck, account.
So I wish there was something I could say to make your situation better.. But reality is.. They are all about themselves and if that means belittling your relationship in public and making stupid comments.. They will do it.. Sorry.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (25 September 2012):
 Hi
If its only been in the last 6 months then theres still a chance you can re assure him your going nowhere. His friends were just joking with him its lads talk,they are probably jealous.
You need to sit him down and tell him his behaviour and insecurity will drive you away - explain its why you dont want children, list the things you have put in your question.Its all you can do, but do make it clear you love him and want to sort the problem out. If he doesnt change then go to couples counselling.
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