A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Sorry it’s so long.I'm 16 years old. I’ve written on this subject before, but now things are much worse.My brother has aspergers syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum. It means, among other things, that he is very narrow minded, quick to anger, has very few communication skills, and never ever thinks he’s wrong. I love my brother, but it is so hard every day not to hate him.All the way through primary school ( he wasn't diagnosed until he was 12) the teachers just thought he was naughty, a bad little boy, he would hit, bite and shove people when he was very little, but gradually grew out of it. He’s now in year 10 (14 years old) and is clinically obese, which means he is bullied horrendously at school. Our relationship has never been good. It’s so hard not to be confrontational, while still trying to protect myself. I am writing this just after a bust up with my brother. It started off a silly quarrel, then he became “enraged” and refused to come downstairs until I had gone to bed. Coming down to find me still sat in the kitchen he picked up a pen and threatened to stab me in the eye if I didn’t leave. When my mum tried to reason with him, he screamed in her face and was violent towards her. This is a normal occurrence in our house.My dad is on medication for high blood pressure, and I’m so scared that these bust ups are affecting him, along with his stressful job. I tried to talk to my friends about him once, but they told me to stop being so ridiculous. They said I was always on about me and my brother, trying to get sympathy, saying that everything was always about my brother, but that’s because it is. It affects my whole life. I feel like my friends on't understand at all. I’ve just been feeling so lost and confused. Is it all my fault? How can I be a better sister if he hates me? When ever I try to be sisterly he throws it back in my face.It’s driving me mad. I feel like I am going mad. Please, I need some help and advise.Thankyou.
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female
reader, nahnah +, writes (14 January 2009):
I read this and immediately went 'oh my god'! I am in the exact same situation, except my brother is 13 and I'm 18. I had a really bad fight with him today which is why I was searching for information about it, he was diagnosed with aspergers last year but has not been to school for about 8 months and has a lot of these rages with me, because I get frustrated with him and instead of leaving him to be angry, I tend to argue it out and wind him up more, not intentionally though. He also is slightly overweight and it is so sad to see him doing nothing with his life.Please give me an email if you want to talk, it's rare to have anyone outside of the family who understands what it's like to live with someone with aspergers, they just think it's naughty behaviour that can be cured with discipline, but it's not.Email me here at Dear Cupid (under nahnah) I'd be glad to talk to someone about it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): The exact samething is going on in my family, my brother has gotten alot better since he's older and he has the sympotom as well. I wouldn't worrie about trying to be a good sister as long as you listen and pay attention too something important to him, he will appriciate it.
I never really interact with my brother anymore, but ever since he got a job his much better now, if your worried about your brother gettin picked on just remember that all boys do.
They all emotionally scar themselfs or other's to make themself feel tough, your brother will learn.
In the mean time when he goes off don't pay any attention just pretend his not even there, because he wants attention and then he will try other things like,
trashing a place, steeling family things but after you don't say anything it will go back.
If he tretends you walk away and ignore him, he can't do anything else, if he wants to start something walk away just don't care anymore.
Your not his leader you got your own life, let him do what he wants and he can face the consequinces he gets into.
For your Dad we'll getting your blood pressure down is easy, you can eat healtier or exercise, even takin a walk will help drinking less alchol and juices like cramberry juice (even though it's terrible).
Hope it doesn't sound to harsh, (From the fitness supporter)
Hoped I can help.
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A
female
reader, chandra Mcmillan +, writes (4 October 2008):
 I know that the advice I give is not from some one who has or is going through what you are goign through and I do not live in the environment with you and your brother. Your brother does not hate you as you have said he gets angry easily and this is hard on you and your parents. There are day care experts for people with the same illness as your brother if your mum and dad ever think they need some relaxation time and there are even places and events for siblings of people with anger issues mental illness's or other problems, If there is soemone at school who you speak to try it you can let it all out. Trust me on this your Mum and Dad know exactly what you are having to deal with and I would say try seeing if you can leave your dad with your brother and go out for a few hours with your mum and visa versur it would give you all a little time to talk and have some fun, Your brother loves you deep down but not only does he have his illness he is a 14 year old boy and trust me there all little sods and they all get nasty aspecially towards their siblings and parents. Grit your teeth and try not to antaganise I know it is hard! Your friends sound like idiots and you really need some one who can listen if nothing else. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I also have a brother who has autism and he can get quite violent, but I must say he's never been as bad as this.
I would suggest that you talk to a teacher at school about this. They can probably organise councelling sessions for you and then tell you what route is the best to take. I think they'll probably recommend some sort of sessions that he could go to to control his anger or a " controlling emotions" class. My brother had some of these as he was becoming quite depressed with the fact that he had autism and they seemed to help quite a lot.
I would also suggest that your brother takes fish oil capsules. This may sound stupid but there is evidence that it can help you feel more patient with things, work harder and make you feel a little more relaxed when things dont' go according to plan. These helped my brother a lot and have in the past, been recommended to other people with autism.
I really think that you should go and speak to someone at school and they will help you down the right route to go. They've probably dealt with similar situations in which the person showing violence isn't actually autistic but I can guess that it pretty much amounts to the same thing when it comes to solving the problem.
Do your parents talk to your brother? Or do they seem to just leave him to his own devices? He may actually just need someone to talk to him and try to understand him. A lot of autistic people feel that they have to go through atuism alone but they can get lots of help from societies and such.
Here is a helpline which might be able to help you a little bit more, unfortunatly, you'll have to wait till after the weekend before you give it a try, but it's here when you need it.
http://www.autism.org.uk/helpline/family
I know how hard it is dealing with him and how difficult it is to be patient. You've had the patience of a saint to deal with him up to now. But don't give up, hun. I know it's easier said than done but never never give up.
I really hope you can find some help out of this.
Take care xx
PS ditch those so called friends! What kind of friends are they? Not even listening to you and telling you you're attention seeking?! That's awful. F*ck them sweetheart, they're a waste of space. They're good examples of how not to be good friends.
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