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I had my first gf couple months ago and am hesitant to have sex as of now.

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Question - (3 October 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 3 October 2008)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Ok guys, I've been battling this problem for months now. I sincerely need your help and advice from this. I am 27/m/virgin/no drugs or alcohol/exercise regularly. I had my first gf couple months ago and am hesitant to have sex as of now. Here's why.

I had couple of mess'n around sessions with her and always have trouble with erection right after. I often feel tired + sweaty and in no mood or energy to have an erection again. This has psychologically programed me that I can't pull an erection when real sex comes. For this, I began to sort of develop a fear. I want sex bad, but just VERY afraid that I can't have erection right before sex.

By myself, I often masturbate to porn and stay erect continuously for 15 - 26min if I feel like it. I don't wake up with erections usually, but do have night erections (because I can feel it sometimes, when I am half-awake). Therefore, I think my problem is purely psychological and NOT physical. One thing is that I do find it harder and slower masturbating to my imagination without porn.

Questions:

1. How would you guys suggest I overcome my anxieties?

2. Would reducing routine masturbation help strengthen erection when real sex comes?

3. If for example, you have 1 or 2 hour foreplay, is it normal for erections to wax and wane during those times? Or does your erection supposed to stay 100% hard all the way during those 1 or 2 hrs?

4. Is this problem more than just wanting sex or feeling horny? Would not trusting my girl be the cause of this? I sometimes doubt how much she loves me.

Thanks again guys, I really appreciate it.

View related questions: drugs, erection, foreplay, horny, porn

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A male reader, Averageman United States +, writes (3 October 2008):

Wow, here we go.

1. You want her don't you. Relax, thinking too much will kill a good hard on. Look at her naked body and think to yourself how you would like to bang the sh*t out of her and try putting her into positions in which you can watch yourself and her at the same time.

2. Playing with it too much will kill sensativity on your Johnson. Let her do the work. Cutting back on the porn will also help. I know from experiance.

3. As far as I know only Superman can keep it hard for that long consistantly. You start concentrating about pleasing her and your erection will wane a bit. It's normal. It will come back. Don't worry.

4. She's with you isn't she. She's yours. Suck it up, be a man, and take her. It's in your head. She obviously wants you.

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