A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been on a few dates with a guy. He seems sweet but I've not felt any real attraction. He's quite good looking and ticks a lot of the boxes - he's intelligent, got a good job, sporty etc but for some reason I've not felt a real spark. He's really polite and texts all the time and people that know him say he's the opposite of a player. I've been hurt by a few players over the last few years who have charmed me, got me into bed and then messed me about, so my friends have told me to give him a chance, that he may grow on me. Do you think guys can grow on you or that if there's no instant attraction there never will be????
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 Oddly enough, all the good points you mention about the guy you're dating are the things that become most important as a relationship matures. The physical spark does diminish somewhat (usually) and that's when we learn what's really valuable. There is nothing like that initial spark but it pales in comparison to a solid companion in good times and bad.
In some cultures they choose their partners based on the qualities you've mentioned. I'm not sure which is the best way but it can work in either fashion.
I'm 45 and I wonder what it would be like if I were searching for a partner. I've been married for so long that I can only base my thoughts on how I used to be. I'd like to think though that I've matured and understand that substance is very important. I happened to have married a very pretty woman. She has modeled and quite frankly, she is the one that is noticed when she enters a room. The reason I say that is because I've been spoiled. Not only is she very attractive, she is very well grounded and decent. So, although I'd like to say looks are not that important, I haven't had that experience. I'd bet though that for most people the spark is temporary bait and life is the real deal.
A
female
reader, sassymouse +, writes (3 October 2008):
 Yes i think people can grow on you. You can love someone for their personality and be attracted to them way. Attraction isn't all about the physical aspects (although i agree it's important) if you like the person then have a few more dates and see how it goes! good luck!
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A
female
reader, xKx__ +, writes (3 October 2008):
well, you can't choose who you have a connection with, he may be the perfect guy but if your not into him then he's not your guy, and you will find the one you are supposed to be with.
I wouldn't try for very much longer concidering you might be leading him on and you wouldn't want to do that. If your not feeling anything after a couple dates then I don't think it will ever happen
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