A
female
 ,
*rizzylizzy
writes:Hi, My boyfriend has been sent away with work for a month or so. I'm missing him so badly and I have slipped into major paranoia mode. He texts me most days but says he has a work phone and will get in trouble if he keeps ringing me and texting me as the number will show up. I'm trying to stay relaxed he loves me it's just I can't seem to get rid of these negative thoughts. I Keep thinking what if he doesn't miss me and decides he doesn't love me anymore. We have been together for over 2 years and have recently just moved in together. We had a few problems adjusting at the start and there were alot of rows but things settled down. Can anyone give me some advice please to try calm me down before I sabbatoge this relationship
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 He has enough feelings for you to want you both to move in together so TRUST HIM! Cut him some slack and try to keep busy without being so paranoid. Worry is a very negative emotion and you derive no benefit from it whatsoever and no matter how much you do it, it doesn't change anything... so why waste your energy! Instead think positively! Tell yourself he's missing you as much as you do him, his texts will confirm that I'm sure.
This is a good test for both of you. It shows that you love and miss him when he's not there and most probably he'll feel the same. It also lets you both appreciate what you have. Don't pressure him with your paranoia, let him miss you and want you. It's only for one month after all and it will fly past.
Take some time to yourself meanwhile, pamper yourself a bit, colour your hair, go to the gym, paint your nails, try to lose a few pounds (if you feel you need to) so that when he comes back you're looking and feeling your best!
Eve
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): You need to take a much more relaxed view on this relationship. If he is working hard and has a problem phoning you because of the work phones etc then keep yourself busy. Are you working? What to you do when he is at work? If you are at home then take up a hobby that will really keep you interested and not clock watching and waiting for him to ring or come home. It will be all the more special once he comes home and you have things to talk about. But stop whittling, that is certainly a killer where blokes are concerned.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 Breathe!! There are certain things in life you cannot change. If someone will be unfaithful and leave is one of them. With that said, you need to use all of your trusting skills. Being apart is a strain in your relationship, if on top of that you start nagging him about not calling and whether or not he is interested, or seeing or even thinking about someone else, you are definitely going to drive him away.
He needs you to be supportive, to understand he can't call all the time. Send him sexy pictures or funny gifts over the mail. Play games by letters. Find a way to make you feel comfortable with the time he has available.
For your relationships sake: cool down! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 The most important thing is you're aware you're going to sabotage the relationship. That's good. You might as well understand this now. You can NEVER control another person. Even if you manage to trick them into being controlled for a while, it will get tiresome eventually. Your partner will resent you. You think you're securing your future by controlling a person but actually you're not, you're sending that person away.
The truth in love this, is anything could happen anytime. There will be temptations along the way. You should get used to that idea. You will have temptations too. Although they might not be temptations to actually cheat, you will meet others you're attracted to and think about from time to time.
Give your guy the freedom he needs. Trust him. It doesn't make you stupid to trust him. It shows you have the ability to truly love a person and let them enjoy life. The stupid person is the one that cheats on a person who is that giving. Doing the right thing is the path to take.
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