A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 years old and my husband is 33. We have been married for 2 years now and have a beautiful 18 month old daughter. We got married after dating for only 2 months, because I got pregnant. Sex is now becoming more of a chore than it should be. He goes about it the same exact way, always asking if we are going to do it tonight or not. When I say no he says he is deprived. It's not that I really don't want to have sex, it's just that it is sooo boring. I could write a book about how it goes from start to finish and nothing ever changes. I have told him that it is boring, and I'm tired of him having to ask for sex, but he just doesn't get it. I have had sex with men older than him before we were dating and they actually put a lot of effort into it. I just don't know what to do. I am the one feeling deprived here. :( Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): All I can say from a man's point of view is the build up really makes the sex great. Ask him what his fantasy's are, or even better tell him what would get you excited. You'll be surprised how 'horny' he will get when YOU start telling him what you really enjoy. Do something kinky, go on Craigslist and let him pick the causal encounters and have him tell you which one he would fantasize about (make sure you play along). You don't really need to reply, just use it for fantasy. Men spend a lot of time thinking about sex, and the build up is most important factor in good sex. Porn is fine, but if you both don't enjoy it one is watching and the other will just yawn and go to sleep. If you have cell phones, leave him at the TV watching porn and call him while you are in the bedroom. Once you are both good and ready it will be a lot of fun when he does come in and join you. I guess what I'm trying to say is men fantasize a lot so it will help make it better for him and you will enjoy it more.
I've been married 25 years and it takes a lot of work to make sex interesting. We are still young (i hope) 46 and 44. Communication is a big part, and women can talk all they want about positions. But for men its the build up, at least for the ones I know.
A
female
reader, pancakes rule  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Just had another idea: Tantric sex lesson. It may sound weird to have a lesson, but I know a lot of couples who have done so and they all said that when they went home and tried it out, it was the best sex they had. =)
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A
female
reader, LilPixie  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 It's important that you sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, don't just casually tell him, make sure that he really listens to you. Ask him what he thinks and if there is anything he wants to try.Maybe next time you have sex, rather than him doing all the work, why don't you try going on top? Not only will it feel great for him, but it can bring some spice into the bedroom for the 2 of you. If you do want to try this, then maybe next time he asks you if you'll be having sex that time tell him 'maybe' and wink at him, then when it comes to you 2 going to bed, you can surprise him with it. Just an idea.You could also try getting a Karma Sutra book, there's a lot of good ideas in there that you could try.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, pancakes rule +, writes (20 November 2009):
I agree with MsFrankie, watching porn can be quite interesting, it can really get both of you into the mood and take the lead from what's happening on the telly.You should introduce things, get some new moves and try them out on him, you never know, it could really inspire him.good luckxx
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A
female
reader, MsFrankie +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Maybe you could try watching some pornography together - men LOVE that - and say 'ooo, we should try that!' - and see what he says - find some porn that shows exactly what you would like him to do to you!! I think it's about making your suggestions sexy and erotic for him - rather than him thinking that you're criticising him - make him think that you are really into having great sex with him!
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