A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’m going to see a favorite theater show at the theater in 2 weeks,.I’d like to say hi and get a photo with 1 of the co actors at stage door after.she’s known for being cold/unfriendly and aloof.She’s very talented and has a smaller role. She often rushes out the door and doesn’t say hi, (her choice) How can I politely ask her for a photo and congratulate her when she’s aloof and unfriendly? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 July 2018):
 I think you've posted before about having an obsession with this woman.
It's not uncommon for entertainers to be painfully shy, go figure, but there it is. She may also actually be quite humble in that she sees herself as just an actress and doesn't think this merits all the adulation she gets. Like the person who saves someone's life but doesn't want to be called a hero.
There is something else to consider and that is possible future consequences to handing out her image and signature. She has no idea how this might be used in the future. Can you imagine having your photo taken with someone who turned out to be the Unabomber, or an embezzler or some other unsavoury thing? Not saying you are, but she doesn't know you.
The fact that she makes herself unavailable says it all. My recommendation is, like the others, don't try to approach her. Leave the woman be and respect her space and her choices.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): I wouldn't bother. Why is it so important to you that you meet her and get her to scribble her name on a piece of paper? She's just human like us. In fact, she sounds full of herself. Anybody who was polite and decent wouldn't be aloof and unfriendly to those who are her bread and butter. Without her audiences, she'd be acting in front of a mirror in her bathroom.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (22 July 2018):
 Does her behaviour sound like someone’s that wants to asked for a picture after the show?
Respect her wishes, leave her be.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 July 2018):
 In the nicest possible way, you seem a little old to be fan-girling over a small-time theatre actress who doesn't like to be approached by fans.
Write a letter. If she doesn't respond, you know where you stand. At least a letter gives her the chance to read it when she wants to, not when fans smother her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): Go back and read your post back to yourself. Then try to figure-out why it is important to insist someone interacts with you, that you know has a reputation of avoiding contact with people? Did you not indicate that she is known to have an unfriendly-personality? Be that the case, why must you insist?
Sometimes it is due to anxiety-disorder, germophobia, PTSD; or other personal-reasons unknown to the public.
When people don't want contact, or refuse taking selfies with you; you don't invade their space. Consider what you know about her to be fair-warning.
Perhaps she's over-impressed with herself over a bit-part. All the same, I don't think you have the right to take it upon yourself to insist on approaching her; knowing in advance what type of reaction you're likely to get.
Why set yourself up to be snubbed or ignored? It's like you're trying to find a passive-aggressive way to insist on approaching her; whether she likes it or not.
Leave the narcissistic little-snot alone. Being persistent about going near someone when they don't want you to; may be crossing illegal-lines, my friend. It borders on stalking.
If she has a Facebook page for her fans; pay tribute by that means.
It truly doesn't matter what her reasons are; simply respect the fact she'd rather not be up-close or too chummy with total-strangers. Each and everyone of us has that right; regardless of what we do for a living. We may not like to be snubbed by people we admire; but they have the same rights as you do.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (21 July 2018):
 Why do you want to approach her in the first place when you know that she doesn't like interacting with people and is, as you say, cold, unfriendly and aloof? It almost seems like an invasion of privacy! Why is it so important for you to congratulate her that you're asking for advice on a public forum, when you know she won't even want to talk to you? And why is she the only one you're interested in talking to, despite the face that there are others in the play with bigger roles?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): I remember an earlier post of yours about this same actress. In the earlier post you showed borderline concern for your own behaviour and we advised you to get counselling before it turned into stalking. Now you seem to be writing for advice on how to stalk this woman better, which is unfair on us as readers because you are not disclosing the full story. It really would be better if you got counselling and were more honest with yourself and with us about your motives and behaviour.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 July 2018):
 Don't approach her at all.
Or, if you do, do it with tact and politeness, but don't be surprised or upset if your request is not met with much enthusiasm.
Have you thought that if this actress is regularly aloof and unfriendly , and just dashes out of stage door, it may be precisely because she wants as little interactions as possible with audience members , once the show is over and her job is done ?..She may be tired and spent, physically and emotionally ; and chances are she is hungry ! ( Most stage actors do not eat after lunch when they have a show at night, and some do not eat after breakfast ! )
She just wants to go home to her family / friends / pets / nice comfy bed, and she hopes that nobody, not even an enthusiastic admirer, will delay her longer than strictly necessary-
Same as your dentist, or your hair stylist, once their work hours are over. You don't expect from them to let you buttonhole them once they have locked shop, do you ? not even to tell them how much you appreciate them and like them.
This may sound callous and selfish from the actors' side, after all if they have got the job they are doing is precisely because of people like you, who recognize and admire their talent. True, yet--- not all actors are Hollywood divas or Tv big stars etc or Broadway hotshots . I mean, if you are George Clooney or Sarah Jessica Parker or people like that, humouring up your fans and being " friendly " is part of their job description, it sort of comes with their lot in life. They get massive, obscene amounts of money, huge villas, world wide recognizion, all sort of privileges etc. etc- the least they can do is indulging a bit the whims of the fans, who allow the actors such lavish- beyond - imagination lifestyle.
But an Australian stage actress- in minor roles ?...
No matter how talented, they are just entertainment workers tryng to make a living in a tough field ; they don't make supermega bucks , they don't get worldwide acclamation, they don't live in the lap of luxury (...some need a second job to get by ). So it's understandable if some of them feel that , once they have given their audience the best of their craft and talent on stage, they don't wish to share more of their own private time and personal life than strictly necessary.
Of course, not all actors are the same and feel the same. I used to be a stage actress in secondary roles, from 1997 to 2005; and if anybody, beyond family and friends, had ever had been waiting for me at stage door to congratulate me and bring me flowers,... I would had been absolutely over the moon ! Actually, I still remember with a rush of excitement, after about 15 years , one time that I was in a diner and a lady at the next table squeaked " Hey, I know you ! I saw you in a play! You were very good ! " and lots of heads turned toward me... that was maybe the highlight of my otherwise rather uneventful life , LOL. But , precisely for having been on stage and in the backstage, I have a good idea of how it works and what it feels for many performers, and I understand and respect those who chose to NOT " befriend " their audience and to totally call it a day, workwise, once the curtains have gone down.
Generally they signal that as clearly as it still possible without being downright rude or confrontational- and I think this could just be the case with this talented, smaller role actress.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 July 2018):
 Have you considered she may just be a bit shy? Or uncomfortable with strangers?
Could you perhaps send a letter for her to the theatre beforehand, saying you are a huge fan and very much looking forward to seeing her in the play. Add that, if you could get a signed photograph of her, it would really round off the whole experience for you. If it were me, I would also add, "if this is not possible then I totally understand and apologise for bothering you".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 July 2018):
 Have you considered that she really doesn't OWE you squat? That maybe when her performance is over she just WANTS to be herself (not be seen as some character or be fawned over)? She is after ALL just another human being who happens to be an actor.
But if you really want a picture, then go ask but remember that she is a person, a human being.
Be polite and respectful of her as a PERSON and I think you will get a lot further than the people who just "demand" selfies with actors or hassle them.
While I get that PART of their "job" is to promote the plays/movies/shows, I also think that they have a right to their privacy and some peace and quiet after a long night's work.
In short, just be polite and respectful and you will probably not be met with unfriendliness.
PS. Fans aren't friends. They don't know her and SHE doesn't know them. So maybe that "unfriendliness" is more her being super uncomfortable with how familiar some fans act around her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): You've written on here before about this actress.
Get counselling.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 July 2018):
You just do and accept if she refuses or ignores you.
That said, I feel like we've seen this post every so often several times, as though it's on an OP is slightly obsessed with - anyone else feel this is familiar?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): I’ve never met her before and like many theater fans, I’d love a chance to say congrats & have a selfie, if I could.. but she’s known for being a little rude, should I not bother??
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