A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We got DRUNK and I slept at a member’s house. His idea. He’s got a gf. He’s asked me over his place before. The leader went mad. He lost it when we hadn’t done anything and were on separate sofas. There is nothing romantic between me and the leader.The leader unfriended me, took me off the page and is currently ignoring me. I will admit when the hassle started the guy said can’t you get your dad pick you up, I refused. (That might be the problem) if it was the leader who had told me go home from messaging the guy I might of but it looked like the guy’s idea at the time. I’m always worried that my position was being threatened and the guy didn’t tell me that. He tried to kiss me I DIDN’T kiss back. Nothing happened until he was dumped (because the leader blabbed to the gf), which technically isn’t cheating. We didn’t have sex. He’s behaving as if I’ve done something to him personally, something deeply hurtful.I did something I thought I’d never be able to do. I was so shy yet I went out in public dressed in a costume and posed for countless photographs. Had the gaze of 100s of people. I did it for him. I can imagine this nutjob complaining about me joining another group. He doesn’t see the value in me. I’m hoping he realises it. For the record this man is 44 years of age. The guy appears to be fine with his gf now and he’s also unfriended me.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 July 2018):
 I agree with Andie,
I think you just create too much drama and ignore the "common manners and behaviors" acceptable within a group.
I had to check your age, are you really in your 30's? Cause I would have guessed early teens.
I think it was OVERALL easier to paint YOU as the "nut-job" and have the leader kick you out, so the guy wouldn't get in trouble with his GF.
And honestly, if he sees you NOT adding value to the group WHY would you want to be part of that group?
Find another group, respect other people's relationships. If a guy with a GF says you can sleep here, tell him NO thanks, I'm going home.
Also I think there is a LOT more to the story that you haven't mentioned, but it's probably irrelevant now.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 July 2018):
 You got drunk and stayed at some guys house. That's the issue.
For starters, you were vulnerable. He has/had a girlfriend. You refused to get a lift home or stay elsewhere.
Groups rely on trust and don't want drama. You sleeping at some taken guy's house easily leads to drama. The guy' said girlfriend also deserves to know if some lady is staying overnight at her boyfriend's house.
Well done for getting out there in costume, but you've shown poor judgement and it's backfired. I think you should try talking to the leader one-to-one and ACCEPT part of the blame. If that doesn't work, find a new group and don't make the same mistake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): Why at your age would he expect you to get your dad to pick you up and get you home, unless you are considerably younger than you say which I think is most probably the case.
You sound young and vulnerable and you need a very quick thought about how your life is going haywire.
I think you may be associating with the wrong people.
Most likely you should rethink your friendship group and stick with more appropriate friends.
No one can help you to pick up the pieces while its all shrouded in a cloak of secrecy so tell someone you know who sees you as you really are and see if you can finally figure out how you got in this mess in the first place.
Its no good blaming being drunk unless someone forced the alcohol into you or laced your drink with chemicals.
It sounds to me as if someone older than you is manipulating you into breaking your boundaries so that they can impose their new set of values which may not sit well with you in the normal course of events.
Plus they appear to expect you to take the blame for their actions.
I sense your underlying anger and disgust at this person linked with betrayal because you assumed you were safe with this older person.
It would be in your intrest to drop this group entirely because you have a right to your own peaceful life and you dont need anyone messing with your mind.
Try to value yourself and take responsibilty for your life by cutting these takers out of your life so that you can live your future on your own terms.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): Sorry but your post is so confusing, I can't make out which one is leader and which one is the guy you crushed with.I hope the others will do better than me.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (21 July 2018):
 It sounds like you unintentionally caused a drama within the group, just by trying to be friendly and hang out. Being a new attractive female in a group with lots of males, can cause issues. They can squabble over you.
I wouldn't advise staying over at a man's house who has a girlfriend, when you are not close friends and the girlfriend doesn't know about it, even if you had no romantic intentions. It caused some drama between the guys friends, even if you didn't intend to and the guy asked you over. It sounds like you don't know these guys well, or their intentions towards you. One of them tried to kiss you, when he has a girlfriend. That's not great friend material. Then the other guy, the leader, is acting mad towards you about the whole scenario. Either he's blaming you for threatening his friend's relationship, or he has a crush on you and was angry that you appeared to go for this other guy who has a girlfriend.
Either way, they have judged you harshly, but they don't seem like they are good friends to you, if one is going to try to cheat on his girlfriend with you and then the other one blames you for someone else's bad behaviour.
I would just chalk it up to experience and move on, their loss. Learn from it by avoiding going back to guys houses, alone, if you don't know them well. Hang out in bars, clubs, cafes etc, or in a group if you do go to people's houses.
Look for another group of cosplay friends, and don't worry about the last group leader. He has no say in your hobby. If you love to cosplay, carry on, do your thing. Put your energy into making awesome costumes and find other people who like cosplay. I'm sure there are plenty of other cosplayers out there, that would make much better friends.
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