A
female
age
30-35,
*detektiv
writes:I am a young woman, and a lesbian, and I've never had an orgasm. I have tried with both just myself, my partner, and even with a vibrator to see if clitoral stimulation would work, but I get no pleasurable feelings from it, it only feels weird, in a bad way.I do get pleasure from being fingered internally, or being penetrated, but never enough to have had an orgasm. Is there anything I could use/try/buy to help me achieve one?
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Well, the lesbian part takes away much of my thunder, but the techniques are very much the same. Still, I must post my input from a man's point of view. Certainly a woman could achieve similar result with another woman so inclined.
All that a man needs to do to sexually please most any woman is to provide the time, patience and proper technique. Women need the elements of temptation, flirtation, teasing, anticipation and stimulation to really enjoy lovemaking. It is an art. I've described numerous techniques on this Web site which are archived, but the simple answer is to find the right partner, male or female, who will spend the time and make the effort to fulfill a partner's sexual needs. And all that effort should be mutually enjoyed.
A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (8 October 2009):
I would suggest taking this slowly. If you are having trouble orgasming, it is likely, in my (albeit, from a male perspective, based on those women who were candid enough to have this conversation) experience because of one of a few predictable, but difficult factors:
1: you may not be aroused enough when you begin. - If you are not "feeling sexy" and sensually turned on, alert, alive, and awake, starting from a cold, fresh start, it can take a very long time, if at all.
2: you may be stressed. - The pressure, anxiety, or irritation of failing to reach climax can, in and of itself, prevent you from ever getting there. Ironic, unfair, but true.
3: you may be rushing / overdoing the stimulation. - if the vibrator directly on your clitoris is too much, it would not feel pleasurable, but rather, just weird, and not in a good way. Perhapse this sort of stimulation would be more appropriate after a good lengthy warm up, but you would probably be better off without the toy.
The next time you have a couple (two should be sufficient) days off try the following:
Day one is prep day. Make it about you. Go out and treat yourself to a small, but significant treat, like an ice cream sunday, chocolate bar, or somesuch. Then, at your local drugstore (CVS, walgreens, etc) browse through the various personal lubricants. For a beginner, you really can't go wrong with KY liquid, but there are some other options too. Then, go shopping for some lingerie. Something that you would feel soft, relaxed, feminine, and sexy in. Finally, a good bookstore or adult video store, for some erotic writing. Spend some time browsing the erotic reading ( reading typically works better for women than does photos, women tend to be more cereberally erotic, men more visually. This is a tendancy, and not a rule, and so if you find any photos, magazines, or videos that do it for you, don't be ashamed). Some delicately scented candles, and a delicate bubble bath or bath salts round out the list of what you will want on hand.
Day 2: today is your day. Nobody intrudes, nobody interrupts, it's all yours. Start the day off with a noce breakfast. It helps immensely if you work up a sweat after breakfast, walk, treadmill, run, whatever, just burn off some calories for an hour or so. After lunch, get a good stretch out, to begin the process of relaxing your muscles. Spend some time after that reading some erotic stories, looking at photos, etc. BEgin the process of seducing yourself, and feeling like today is a sexually charged day. Have a nice, relaxing dinner. After dinner, chocolate for desert. The richer, more decadent the better, it contains alkalyns and flavvanoids that will help relax your mind, and stimulate your body.
As it starts to get dark outside, light the area around your bedroom and bathroom with delicately scented candles. Put your favorite peice of erotica, the personal lubricant, and your new lingerie all on your bed. Then light the bath area with more of the candles, and draw for yourself a hot bath. Soothing music can help, both in the bath and after as well.
Make the bath almost a ritual. Cleanse and relax yourself. Whole in the bath, continue to seduce yourself. Massage your breasts as you cleanse yourself. Play with your nipples, and caress your inner thighs. Enjoy the soft, sensual feeling of your own skin on skin contact. Silky smooth bathing conditions really help, so a good bubble bath, or dove soap works wonders here.
When you're feeling all warm, and relaxed, and have enjoyed your bath thoroughly, gently dry yourself with a soft towel. Wrap your hair, and retreat to your bedroom, where you will slowly put on the lingerie. Remember, the lingerie is for you, and you alone. It is here so you can enjoy the way you look and feel in it.
Finally, lay on the bed, face up initially, and begin reading. As you read, caress your body, but don't be in too much of a hurry to "get on with it". You aren't a man, and can't expect your body to react like a man's. Slowly finish seducing yourself, until you are very excited.
By now, you should be familiar enough with some good erotica, that you can imagine yourself in your favorite story, or a story of your own devising
So that is exactly what you are going to do. Roll over onto your belly (this position is often easier for beginners) and gingerly, gently, touch yourself. Try beginning by running your fingers along the outside of the vulval area. Proceed to slowly, gently allow your middle finger to massage your inner lips. This is where the personal lubricant becomes important. If you are having any problems producing enough wetness of your own, this is not something to be ashamed of, dissapointed in, or anything like that. Many factors, biological, genetic, etc can impair that particular response. A little KY liquid, or your other favorite, on the pad of your middle finger, and you're good to go.
Finally, begin by touching your clitoris through the hood that covers it. Be gentle, smooth, and slow. If you find that that isn't enough, then proceed to use the other hand (still lying on your belly, lay on top of your arms for this, trust me, it's easier this way in the beginning) to pull the hood up a little, and open your labia a little, so you can glide your lubricated finger gently over the bare clitoris. As you fantasize your way through the story in your mind, or make one up as you go along, you will naturally find yourself more and more stimulated, and enjoying yourself more and more. DO NOT get anxious if you don't climax immediately. This can take awhile. Relax, enjoy yourself, and really find out what self loving means!
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A
male
reader, Candleman +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Howdy. I always send people this site because it provides a wealth of information. Anything that I would suggest would just be copying what these people have put together.
See the side bar for Sexual Arousal and Orgasm
http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/fr_index.htm
Enjoy
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