A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel terrible about the number of people I've slept with. I don't feel the need to post the number here because, really, all it is is a moral judgment and I know people will see it differently. I have friends who've slept with more, whatever... the point is, I'm not okay with my own number. When I'm in a relationship, the person I'm with is the only one I'm with under all circumstances (I have cheated on one person once, and it's NOT true that "once a cheater, always a cheater," because I learned my lesson quickly). It's just the single points when I rack them up.I just want to be okay with this because there's nothing I can do to change it. No time machine. No traumatic past, abuse, "absent parent" or anything. Some friends who have slept with much less (but also much more) have said that this number is none of anyone's business and I shouldn't answer if I don't feel it's appropriate. But like I said, I'M not okay with it and that's a fundamental problem. When I'm asked by someone I want a relationship with, I don't give a number nor do I lie: I say "what matters now is you." etc etc.How can I be okay with myself now?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 December 2009):
You know the French President's wife Carla, publicly said she has slept with over 40 men, which she says is low compared to some, high compares to others. Yet she isn't ashamed, far from it. In fact, she doesn't consider it bad at all, and she accepts her past. The point being, the number of men you have slept with really doesn't matter at all. What matters is your own confidence. Your friends are right, the number is nobody else's business. What matters here is you look in the mirror and see the lady you are. All right, you've slept with guys. I don't judge you, nobody else here judges you. Why? Because you're a great girl and a number doesn't matter. Your past is your past, and that's it. Let the past stay where it is, and go find a nice guy.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (8 December 2009):
Thats a hard question. I guess it comes down to why you think its not ok for you to have had as many sexual partners as you have had? What do you think is wrong with it? Why did you sleep with x amount of guys? At the time, did you feel you were doing the right thing or not? Did regret come later after you did it?
Do you judge others the same way as you judge yourself who have slept iwth so many partners? Or do you judge yourself harsher?
Lots of questions there, which would be good to hear the answers to to be able to give you more advice.
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A
female
reader, Araelia V +, writes (8 December 2009):
 I've been in the exact same situation as you. I'm never called a slag but everyone knows that my numbers aren't exactly small when i'm asked and i don't lie but i always stress the point. All i would say is this. What is your past is your past, you need to tell whoever your with before you tell them your number that what you have done in your past you are not happy with and that you aren't that person anymore if that is the case. Being very sexually active isn't necessarily a bad thing. It gives you experience that you would not have ordinarily had. And you know which type of guys to say no to. The best thing you can do is be honset and except who you are/were. If you can do that then everntually it will just be a number and you will learn to accept it. Until then just be honset with yourself and try not to drink too much when your single and you go out.
Hope i helped
Araelia v
x
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