A
female
age
,
starismine1
writes:Are You A Female Attention Addict?If so, here is an example of a typical day in your life: It's morning, and time to put on my make up, fix my hair, and wear a new outfit. I'm thinking about the female friend I'll see today who'll comment on how nice I look and I feel an adrenaline rush, Now I'm thinking about how many guys will look at my top and how it clings to me and that adrenaline rush comes again. Now I'm leaving home, I fill up at the gas pump and the gas station guy leans in just a little too close to me when he gives me change, another adrenaline rush. Now it's evening and the new guy I'm dating takes me out to dinner, and I notice guys staring at me as I walk to the table...another adrenaline rush. It’s now later that night and my boyfriend tells me how much I turn him on...what a high...better than any drug... oh wait, I forgot to mention walking by that shoe store and imagining buying those sexy shoes that will make me look so hot in my jeans...mental note to self, buy shoes when get next paycheck...another drug-like high. Now back to my boyfriend and sex...another drug like high. Being desired and noticed and wanted, it feels SOOO GOOD. So why do I feel so empty inside when I don't get noticed? Why do I never have a long term relationship? Why isn't the high from all this attention enough? Why can't I find love?I once attracted this kind of world into my life: I was constantly assessed on my physical appearance by others and I craved this attention to feel good every day of my life. To me, this was the barometer of my worthiness. I only associated with women who related to me by the way I dressed or looked, and based my friendships with them on this. I had female friends that I went shopping with, competing for guy’s attention with at bars; or just watched how a guy looked at me instead of them when we walked down the street together. I was never able to establish a true friendship with another female based on them liking the “real me on the inside”. My female “friendships” were unfulfilling, shallow, and usually short-lived. They were friendships based on a need to feed my vanity and my friend's need to feed hers. I often dated men to fill a lack of self esteem within me as well. When I became attractive to the opposite sex, I used my appearance as a way to attract men by dressing seductively. When a guy desired me sexually, I felt good about myself, and that made it easy for guys to use me only for sexual fulfillment (as I used them). I knew no other way to relate to anyone. I was an “Attention Addict”, craving flattery, attention and criticism every day of my life. And this craving for attention became a craving for sexual relations, as a way to feel attractive physically as well. Do you see similarities between my story and your own? This “addiction to attention” comes from a need conditioned into us from childhood due to the way we were raised by our mother. Many women who have this need have been raised by mothers who were obsessively focused on their daughter’s appearance and did not give their daughter the “unconditional love” they deserved just for being lovable on the inside. “Unconditional love” is being accepted and loved regardless of how you look or what you do. “Conditional love” is withdrawing love from your daughter when she doesn’t play by your rules in life by giving her certain standards to be accepted by: standards about her looks; standards about who she associates with, standards about what she can and cannot do to receive your love. When a young girl is raised with “conditional love” by her mother, her appearance and actions are the criteria for being lovable and worthwhile. That’s because she is only accepted and liked by her mother when she looks and acts a certain way. This mindset makes her believe she is a good or bad person based solely on superficial things like her appearance and actions to please others? if she does the right thing and gets approval on her behavior and appearance, then she feels good inside.This kind of upbringing plants the seed in our adult life for needing people to constantly praise and critique our appearance. It also plants the seed to always try to please others by what we do to be loved, and the potential for attracting controlling men into our lives. The end result is that we aren’t able to attract the love of a man from his heart, because we are always focused on winning his approval by how we look. If you feel that you have to earn love and acceptance by looking good or being desired sexually, then you are seeking “conditional acceptance/love”. Unfortunately, in today’s dating culture, there are many young women who were raised with “conditional approval” by their mothers, and as a result of this, they have no idea what unconditional love is when they try to find “true love” in their dating relationships with men.WOMEN WHO ARE “CONDITIONALLY” ACCEPTED AS CHILDREN BY THEIR MOTHER WITH A STRONG FOCUS ON THE EXTERNAL APPEARANCE OFTEN HAVE MANIPULATIVE, SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN BECAUSE THEY ALLOW MEN TO USE THEM SEXUALLY TO FEED THEIR VANITY In order to find true love, a woman must feel good about herself without needing attention from flattery and criticism to feel self worth. This must start with the way SHE SEES HERSELF. And to see yourself in a new light, you must see the truth about your relationship with you other. In my upcoming articles, I’ll talk more about how to look at this need for attention, and how to get past your childhood conditioning to relate to men in ways that attract true love and true emotional fulfillment.
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