A
female
age
36-40,
*uerita23
writes:My situation....I have been in a committed relationship for four years, married for the past two. I adore my husband - he is everything that I could possibly ask for in a partner, but I cannot seem to keep myself in check when it comes to other men. I love the thrill of a new attraction, and while I have not gone as far as to sleep with anyone else, there has been some kissing / touching. I am such a romantic at heart, and when a new man who shares a mutual attraction with me comes up, I cannot seem to help but to just say yes. It feels like high school all over again!!My question is...How bad is the occasional kiss? Am I a horrible person for even thinking that this might be ok? As I mentioned before, I love my husband and cannot see myself ever being in a relationship with anyone else. Are my lack of guilty feelings shameful? Part of me believes in the sanctity of marriage, but another part of me believes in the freedom of a woman. ANY advice or words of wisdom would be welcomed.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This guy posting below, is right on target.
"A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010):"
You are cheating, and you know it, and you don't adore your husband or you wouldn't do this. Adoration is something else. You are disrespecting your marriage and your husband specifically with other men and those other men know it...and they have just as little respect for him, and you, as you have shown the marriage.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): I had the same problem and it killed my marriage. Let me tell you what my therapists have said to me...maybe it can be applied to your situation: First, the problem lies with you. You have a need for acceptance, respect and recognition. Not a problem, but you seek it in romantic ways. You need validation of your "sexiness" and that probably stems from a lack of self assurance. You do not fully love or respect yourself, so you seek it from others. You're addicted to the "high" you get when someone finds you attractive. It's a chemical addiction and needs to be treated like any other addiction.
I would suggest you seek counseling on your own to get an outside perspective and professional help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Sounds to me as if you are playing with fire. You love acting on the thrill of attraction which is not compatible with being a married person. Of course married people still find other people attractive but the thing is they do nothing about it.Your marriage looks doomed in the long run so you have some thinking to do. Sooner or later you may be tempted to have a fling, as the occasional kiss will not be enough.If you cannot committ to your husband 100% you might be better off on your own.
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A
female
reader, Godchild +, writes (30 November 2010):
An occasional kiss is very bad if you married it open the doors to an affair. A kiss is felt through emotions which you have already displayed. Don't think you were ready for marriage. Question will you care if he did the same. Would you care if he thought it was harmless. You still like the flirting and the games of being single. There is nothing wrong with it but if your husband is being cheated on and hurt.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 From my point of view- yes, it's bad.You are still cheating, and for nothing.
You don't even have the excuse of falling in love, or been overwhelmed by passion. You just do it because you like to feel you are "cute" and "popular " and "the one who gets all the boys ". Exactly like in high school,or maybe even middle school. It's not even lust- it's just ego.
If you are not capable to stop feeding a hungry ego out of respect for your husband, maybe you should question if you really love him and adore him as you say you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Yes, it appears as tho you still wanna play the field and are not ready for a one hundred percent committed relationship. The fact youve had physical contact, regardless if it was sex or not, illustrates this. I would end your marriage so you can pursue your needs and do not continue to further damage your husband's feelings. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (30 November 2010):
It sounds to me like you've got married too young as you don't seem to be ready to settle down with one person yet.
You say "I adore my husband" and "I love my husband" but in the next breath you say you don't feel any guilt for what you've done. Truely, you can't be putting your husbands feeling before your own or you WOULD feel guilty.
I don't know what you're going on about believing in the "freedom of a woman" it sounds like you are just dressing up what amounts to being unfaithful. You are at a stage where your own experiences are more important than developing a life-long relationship with someone. You can't have everything in life, you need to choose. Maybe you should have done this before saying those vows...
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