A
female
age
36-40,
*ust_me1
writes:Hello Everyone, I desperately need some helpOk so here it goes, I have two guys who I love and both love me back. I do not know what to do. It all began about 5 yrs ago. I married my high school sweetheart (#1). I thought it would be forever, but we were young and did not how to handle the commitment of marriage. During a rough time for me, a temporary separation, a friend was there for me (#2). We became incredibly close and I admit I fell in love with him. Our relationship progressed, and we became a couple. I felt happy; I never knew I could love another man after my husband. However, #2 had recently had a one year old daughter and one day after his ex told him she wanted to try to have a family he began to have doubts. He promised me, he felt doubts not because he loved her but because he felt guilty of not being able to provide a family for his daughter. He then asked me for a break. At that moment I felt hurt because I felt I had given him my all, we had been together for almost two years when this occurred. 3 months later I ran into my husband, we talked, and we got back together. I felt like we could do it this time around, even though I felt like something was missing between the two of us, I wanted to give it my all. Problems arose when #2 came back a month after #1 and I got back together. I told him I was back with my ex-husband, he apologized and told me loved me, that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and was willing to prove to me how much I meant to him but would leave me alone if I was truly happy. I am very confused. I feel horrible to be in this position with the possibility of hurting my ex husband who I do love for another man who I love as well but never gave me my place. I also feel like ex husband deserves someone better than me because of what is going on. And I feel very angry that #2 could can just walk into my life and turn it upside down. But I do feel as if he has changed, and can keep his promises. It is very hard to do make this decision I don’t want to hurt my ex husband. I also don’t want to stay with him and have this constant doubt in my head arising ever so often. I don’t know what to do. I am so mentally exhausted from examining the situation from all angles. If anyone can offer any words of wisdom Please do. It is also hard for me because I feel that if I were to choose #2 nobody would support me.. please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Hi there,
in my opinion i truly think you should talk to your husband I know is gonna hurt him but Is better to let him know whats going on maybe you guys can work things out?! That's up to you but is better to put everything on the table sooner than later even if you stay or don't stay with the other guy! plus like you said your fellings for the other guy are stronger! And if you end up being with him MAKE sure his a100% ready to be with you! it wouldn't be fare for you to trust him and later on he would change his mind again!
Trust your heart and remember think about your happiness and think that is better to talk to your husband if your fellings aren't as strong...n be careful with the other guy!
Good luck!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 If you are still legally married to your husband, you have an obligation to work things out so stay with him.
If you are divorced from your husband, and the things that split you two up to begin with are still there, then do not go back and be alone for a while to figure yourself out.
Do not get back with guy #2. His priority is his daughter, not his love life. He needs to work things out with the mother of his daughter. Period.
I think you need to spend time ALONE, getting comfortable with yourself and figure out what you need to LEARN from this situation.
You jumped into a new relationship because you were feeling alone, and likely feeling abandoned. That is also why you went back to your husband.
Yes, you likely love both, and if you want an open relationship where you can have relationships with both at the same time, then that is also something to consider...however, love is NOT enough to make a relationship work. It takes a willingness to burden the hard times and that is skill you need to develop.
I want you to consider something...you need to focus LESS on who you love and focus more on what kind of relationship and future you want to build day to day. That more than anything will bring clarity to the drama you are experiencing right now, which you might be getting addicted to.
-Frank Kermit
author: The Eye of the Seductress
http://www.franktalks.com
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A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 you need to choose the man you love the most however if i was in your boat id prob go back to the ex husband like you said you both were too young to commit as you got married too soon but your older now and should give it another go i mean you ex husband seems willing enough atleast his not going to chuck you however the friend number 2 you have got to remember that if he has left you once then theres always that chance he could do it again.you cant keep going from pillow to post with both guys you need to make the decision and stick to it good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): i dont know your heart but from where i sit i think you should stay with the husband and make it work. guy number 2 is not dependable and has too much baggage. it will always be there. the ex will always be in his life, and no matter what he says, she has a pull on him. she has his child. good luck, mal
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2010):
Stick with this husband of yours and work things out. You can't just run away from problems in a marriage. You need to work on them. Guy 2 is making things happen too fast. The problems you have with your marriage now, will be the same you have with the next guy, and the guys who follow because it will fail. Work on your marriage and cut guy 2 out. If, after working on it, it still fails, move on completely from both.
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