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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok first of all, i'm a 22 year old virgin. i've never had a boyfriend and i had my first kiss just last year at 21. i've always been pretty shy especially when it comes to talking to guys. this is gonna be long, but please help me.here goes...about a year ago, i started working at this place and there was this guy there, he showed a huge interest in me. we started talking on msn. most of the young guys that work there are the owner's son's buddies, they are wild and they are players. so this guys gets fired two weeks after i sarted. we were still talking on msn and i went over to his house to watch a movie about a week after he was fired. and that's when i had my first kiss. it was good. i wasn't sure what i was doing, but he told me i was good. lol. so we continued talking on msn after that and he kept wanting to get together again, but he never wanted to hang out with just me. he kept asking me if i could bring some friends and i didn't like that. so i kept putting it off and we stopped talking after a while.that's when this new guy started working at my work...and these two guys are friends, of course. i was still hurting for this other guy, cuz i still had feelings for him, he was my first kiss and i wanted to see him again so bad...but the first time i saw his friend (the new guy) i was attracted to him right away. he is so good looking. about a week after the new guy started, i found out that he had cheated on his ex girlfriend. she left him and she has a new boyfriend now. and at that time, he was contacting her, saying that he was sorry for what he did to her and all that shit. but she didn't give in. so the summer went on...the new guy was showing an interest in me. but i wasn't about to get sucked in, cuz i knew he was a player and i didn't like the cheating thing. in july, the other guy (my first kiss) and i, we were facebooking eachother and he asked me about his buddy (the new guy) that started working at my work. he's like, "yeah, heard you're working with my buddy...what do you think of him?" and i'm just like, i don't know him very well, but i think he's nice...and then he's like "so do you wanna hang out this weekend?" so he got jealous. i sorta didn't reply back for a while...i think i told him that i was really busy lately or something. i was kinda over him, i wasn't about to go crawling back. so that was it, we never spoke again.in august, i was starting to like the new guy more and more. he's quite the charmer, man. lol. september 1st was the staff party and he had just moved in to his own place with 3 other guys. him and i got close. we were connecting big time at the party. and ya know, we were kinda drinking. he was telling me that he was in love with me, attracted to me and he started saying my first name with his last name, like if we were married. and he was asking me to go to his place that night, but ya know i don't sleep around, we had to work the next day anyway, so i said no. at work after that, we were kinda shy with each other. and a week after the staff party, i went over to his house for a party. we were the last ones up. we started talking and he was telling me that his ex really hurt him. and that he didn't want a girlfriend, he just wanted to enjoy life. he didn't know that i knew about him cheating on her...and he still doesn't know. and so, he said i could stay with him that night if i wanted and that he wouldn't try anything. i had a thing for him, so stupid me, i did. i slept in his bed and we started kissing. it's crazy how i'm attracted to him. and then he was trying to touch me and i was stopping him. he said he wouldn't try again, but he did. he wouldn't stop so i just let him. he wanted to have sex with me but i said no. but i wanted to. lol. i don't sleep around, i want it to be with someone i love.so after that it wasn't the same between us. i only see him at work and i still want him. he started contacting his ex after he found out that she and her boyfriend had broken up. but they got back together. my heart will be broken for a year now this coming august. i hate that i want him so bad. he's a charmer, he makes me melt. clearly, all he wanted was to sleep with me and i didn't give in. i hear stories about him and other girls...this older woman, gross. it just kills me inside. i just can't get over him. i know he's still really attracted to me. he would do anything to sleep with me. i'm so afraid he's gonna fall in love with another girl. but it doesn't sound like he wants to get attached? all he does is drink alot and hook up with girls. but what if he falls in love with one of these girls? i don't know what to do anymore. it hurts me to see him every friggin day. i can tell you this...this will never happen again. i will never get hurt like this again.
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at work, ex girlfriend, facebook, got back together, his ex, jealous, kissing, moved in, msn, never had a boyfriend, player, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): If you jump in front of an oncoming bus then you will get run over. You can't jump in front of a bus and not have this happen. It doesn't matter how tempting it might be to dash across the street and how much you want to make it across in time, the bus is going to run over you 10 times out of 10 if you try it.
If you hook up with a player then you will get played. It's the same thing. When you talk about how much you want this guy, you sound like someone complaining about how much they want to get across that street ahead of the oncoming bus. "I know the bus is coming, but I just WANT to get across the street without being run over so badly!"
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): I think she's right and you're a sucker for love, or at least what you think love is. But I think there's a general consencus on love that says it's a deep, deep feeling. It looks passed the service and is often mistaken for other strong feelings of infatuation or lust. Part of it is knowing/appreciating/accepting at the least all of the characteristics of the subject.
you've so repeatedly referred to this player as a "charmer."
But tell me.. what is so charming about cheating, lyeing (to you, pretending he was so hurt by his ex when indeed he cheated on HER AND telling you he wouldn't try anything), mmanipulating (you into sexual situations), disrespecting (you by pursuing sex when he said he wouldn't and not stopping when you said "no")?
Are those all really things that you deem -loveable-? Are these thigns you like and appreciate about him?
We didn't hear much about the first guy, but I think you would've been better off HIM. He didn't try anything but a kiss, and he didn't try to get you to hang out alone with him all the time. (meaning, he was probably not planning on trying to push you sexually or take advantage of you).
You seem like an extrememly self-respecting woman who knows her boudaries and abides by them.. so why stop at men?
Stop feeling hurt over him and start realizing that he is NOT somene you want to be with.
~SY.
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A
male
reader, Tbonex  +, writes (27 June 2009):
 Just like Tupac Shakur said, "Sucka for love." From what I read you really don't need to be involved with that kind of person who will treat you like that. You can do alot better and find someone who is more into you and ONLY you. And of course he'd do anything to sleep with you. Please don't be naive with this person. Ditch em' show him you can do better and move on. But you're going to continue how you feel about him anyway, so good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, kaydee +, writes (27 June 2009):
Im not trying to say this in a mean way, but you seem like a sucker for love. I am too at times when it came to me and my ex boyfriend. Anyways, the guy was clearly trying to use you for sex. If he really did have feelings for you, he wouldn't have made it awkward afterwards when you said no. The best thing to do is try not to date guys at your work place even if their good looking or not. You should go hit up more parties and explore the world outside of work. Because to me, it seems as if all those guys only have one thing in common, and that's to find a girl to get laid by. You also seem like a sweet girl who people tend to walk over. My advice to you: gain some confidence. Lots of them. If you think or know that ur pretty, flaunt it. Nobodys gonna know if u think ur ugly so act like u are the sh!@. Haha walk into the room as if you knoww you looked good today. People will feel that vibe from you & might come off on you differently. Also, playing hard to get & putting your foot down shows you're not to be messed with, and it'll point out the good guys from the bad. Idk if that helped or anything, but i hope it did (: good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Have you heard the expression, don't eat where you shit? ( I know gross sounding) BUT it basically means DON'T date guys (girls) you work with.
He is not interested in a relationship. He obviously will sleep with anything that is female and has a pulse..
You need to find a guy who is on the same page as you. With the same set of morals and values. Who wants the SAME things in a relationship as you do.
Right now you have the "bad boy fever" - Let him go.
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A
female
reader, desesperada  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 The best thing you can do is to move on from this guy. You deserve someone who is interested in more than just your body. Relationships based on lust never work out ..TRUST ME I KNOW lol...If this guy was worth it then he would want to get to know you. Get over this loser, go out and meet new people. And please don't loose your virginity to some loser who is just going to see you as another notch on his belt. Give it to someone who loves you for YOU and who truly cares about you. .well good luck, I know it's hard seeing him at work but just try to keep yourself occupied.
--best
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